RIP Uncle Dave

I'm still on blog break but needed to write this post.

I am saddened by the news that my uncle went into cardiac arrest on Saturday and passed away this evening (Thursday, September 17, 2009). He never woke up this week and didn't have any brain activity.

Dave was such a good man and lived such a good life. The air was sucked out of me when I received the news on Monday afternoon from my cousin. I immediately started crying at the thought of not being able to communicate with him again, to read his Christmas letters (he was the first to ever send me a Christmas letter back in high school and I've since looked forward to receiving his each year), and of course not to see him again in this life.

Very few people are without fault - but Dave never faulted me once and so my view of him, my experience with him, was 100% positive.

Dave was married to my dad's sister until she passed away at the young age of 40 on September 23, 1977 from breast cancer. I was born 27 months later so I never met my aunt Mary K and always had a curiosity about her while I was growing up. She was born on May 18, 1937 and was eleven years older than my dad so he wasn't able to tell me anything about her (she got married the day before her twenty-first birthday and had three children when she was 24, 27, and 32). I kept a picture of her in a frame (posted below) and often wondered what she had been like, who she had been. I really wanted to know her family, but not long after I was born Dave remarried and his family moved all over the country. Meanwhile, my parents separated when I was two years old so I just accepted that I wasn't connected with that part of my family.Dave changed all of that. When I was a junior in high school I began using something called the internet and I had my very first e-mail address. Not a lot of people e-mailed at that time - but Dave did. So he was one of the few people I corresponded with that way. It was so fun to get e-mails. Think back to the very first time you used e-mail - wasn't it incredible to think you could actually be in touch with people who you never would have seen or talked to otherwise?

I always looked forward to reading his letters. I appreciated that someone in my family actually wanted to get to know me. To most, I was still a kid. I had a desire to know all of my family members, but sometimes it seemed I was the only one who felt that way! But he acted as though my life was interesting - that he was interested in knowing me. He wrote long, detailed e-mails and always responded to mine right away. And, he answered all of my questions so I finally began learning things about my family for the very first time!

It became apparent to me that family was the most important thing in his life. It was the reason for life. He was very involved in geneaolgy research and wrote a book that he self-published about his family. (Swim To Me, Mama!) I was very honored that he sent me the chapters to read and give feedback while I was in college, since he knew I was a writer. When I bought a copy of the book in 2004 it made my day to see my name on his acknowledgements page.

When I graduated from high school in 1998, he and his wife Maretta came from out of state to attend. I was so surprised that he came all of that way for my graduation. I was not technically related to him anymore and he hadn't seen me since I was a child, so I had not expected him to come. But he took a roll of film, gave me gifts, and celebrated that milestone with me.

We continued to e-mail regularly while I was in college, too - and he & Maretta attended that graduation in 2002, as well! When I got my first job that summer - which I hated - he gave me a lot of support, which meant a lot. Especially since he had a love of writing (the only other person in my family), he was one of the few people to encourage me to go for my dream as a writer (which I did)!

When I married my husband in 2003, he & Maretta came to our wedding and passed on to us some things we can now pass on to our future generations.

Around this same time I began to correspond with his youngest daughter, my cousin. I'd also had an excellent time with his son and wife the year before when we'd all visited my grandma in Missouri - and they came to my wedding, too. I noticed that I wasn't hearing from my uncle as much but I believe it's because he felt content that he had opened the communication between his children and me. I realized that had been his goal all along -- to know that our family would continue being a family for years to come.

More than any of my other cousins, I have talked more confidentially and personally to Dave's youngest daughter and daughter-in-law (I've quoted my cousin-in-law here several times because she is reader of my blog and I credit her to how I breastfed for nine months, thanks to her help and encouragement). They are relationships that I don't take for granted, since I spent the first twenty-some years of life without them.

Now with tools like Facebook, I was able to chat a couple of times with Dave the past year. But of course when you are faced with death you wonder if there was more you could have said (it may have helped had I not de-activated my account 5 times). He invited me to visit his family in Wisconsin over the years, but it never worked out for me. It's sad that the first time I visit him will be his funeral.

But, I am proud that I told him in the past how grateful I was for him reaching out to me and all of the correspondence we had - especially the regular e-mails back & forth for 6 years. I know that he accomplished a lot and was very fulfilled. If only we could all be so lucky - I hope that is how I feel when my life is over. I saw on Facebook that he spent two weeks this past summer with his grandchildren, doing a different activity every day. How incredibly special. I'm sure those children will treasure that time forever.

He was born on April 15, 1935, so he was 74 years old. (This pic was taken at my wedding 6.5 years ago with one of his grandchildren)