Santa - To tell or not to tell?

The other day a friend and I were talking about Santa. We were relieved to know that we felt the same way, because we are pretty sure we are in the minority! I don't know what the statistics are, but I'm assuming that most families who celebrate Christmas also raise their kids believing in Santa.

I have never wanted to do this.

First let me say, I have nothing against Santa - as you saw last week in my post Santa 8 Mos Vs 19.5 Months, we plan to take Logan to sit on Santa's lap each year. I have Santa decorations around the house and am very positive about him as a symbol of Christmas. I think his story has a great message that should not be forgotten. While obviously the best story of Christmas is the reason we celebrate (the birth of Jesus), there is nothing "un Christian" about Santa Claus.

Saint Nicholas was an actual person. He was bishop of Myra, in Lycia, Asia Minor, in the first part of the fourth century of the Christian era. He was the youngest bishop in the history of the church. He was persecuted and imprisoned with many other Christians during the reign of the Roman emperor Diocletian, and was released and honoured when Constantine the Great established the Christian Church as the official religion.

Nicholas' father was a wealthy merchant and his riches enabled him to be a dispenser of good things of life. He helped many by giving gifts to the less fortunate and so his legacy lives on today.

Except that kids are taught he is alive today. . .coming through their chimney on Christmas Eve and giving them their best gifts. For many families this is no big deal. But for others it is actually traumatizing to learn that Santa Claus doesn't really live at the North Pole and fly through the sky on his sled with reindeer. Like for me (and my friend).

It was Christmas 1987 when I learned that Santa Claus didn't exist. I was in second grade playing at daycare with a girl, when her older brother came over and heard us talking about Santa.

"Santa's not real!" He shouted.

"Of course he is!"

We were stunned he would say something like that. Some of his friends gathered around and they all shouted to us, "No he's not!"

I think the teachers put an end to this discussion, but for the rest of the day I felt like I had a cloud hanging over my head. What had made those boys say that?

That night I was watching a Christmas movie on TV and was reminded of the boys at daycare. I went into the kitchen where my mom was emptying the dishwasher.

"Mom, [whatever his name was] said there is no Santa Claus."

My mom had her back toward me and didn't answer right away.

"Mom?" Suddenly that cloud came back over my head.

She turned around and gave me a small smile. "He's right, honey, Santa Claus is just a fun, imaginary tale."

I was DEVASTATED. I mean, really, truly devastated. I cried. . .I ran to my room and screamed. It was all I could think about that Christmas.

Of course it was worse when I went to my dad's house and he was mad that my mom had told me the truth. . .he wanted me to still believe and so he insisted that Santa came to his house. He set out a video camera in front of my milk and cookies and then the next day when I watched the video it appeared that the milk and cookies had magically disappeared.

But I wasn't fooled. I knew my mom was right and so for the next six years I actually refused to even acknowledge Santa. I ignored anyone who asked me what I wanted from Santa and I didn't like to see anything Santa-related. I was annoyed anytime I heard other parents insisting that Santa was real to their kids.

Now that I'm an adult, I'm not annoyed. I think if other families want to do it that is fine. But I will never forget how it felt to be lied to by everyone around me. I didn't understand how my parents could be so strict about honesty and yet they had deceived me for so many years. I took it as a betrayal. So I can't knowingly do that to Logan or any other kids I have in the future.

We will still play along - they can write letters to Santa if they want and we can even leave out milk & cookies - but they will know the whole time that it is a fun, make-believe, game. Just like the Easter Bunny, just like the Tooth Fairy. (Which is why those didn't bother me when I was a child.)

The only thing is that my friend and I don't want OUR kids to be the ones to spoil it for the others! So this might be tricky. . .I hope that Logan will understand when I tell him not to tell others who want to believe that Santa is real.

Dr. Phil covered this topic very briefly on his show Monday. The majority of the audience believed in letting the child figure out for themselves that Santa wasn't real. He agreed that if your child asks you, you should not lie. But I wish they would have discussed this topic a bit more - because generally it's not an "aha moment" that a child just suddenly figures it out - they are usually told by someone else and that's what I want to avoid because by then it is too late. I want to be the one to tell Logan because he trusts me that I am - and always will be - honest with him. I'm not going to make a big deal about telling him; right now he's not even 20 months old so we'll just take it year by year. But when he is old enough to understand, he will know the whole story. And I am confident he will still think Christmas is the most fun holiday! :) I'll end with pics of me as a child during Christmas 1984, 1985, and 1986 (I had just turned 5, 6, and 7).