8 Months Old!

This was originally written on Sunday, December 21, 2008:

I turned 29 at 2:15 this afternoon! That is crazy to me, I don't feel like I'm going to be 30 next year. THIRTY. What the heck?! I'm glad I have a year to prepare. I've never really cared about my birthdays as far as what my age was. I've never felt old or young, but rather the age I should be, probably because my birthday falls in the middle of the year so I always had plenty of people ahead of me and plenty of people behind me. Also, having a birthday around Christmas means you tend to celebrate Christmas more than your birthday, so I was always at home with my parents for Christmas break--usually traveling! This year Joe & I didn't do much, either, except go out to eat to Roja Mexican Restaurant. Joe also picked up a DQ cake for me (that's kind of become our tradition) and he gave me an exceptionally nice card and a CD, book, and sentimental Christmas ornament. :)

Of course he wasn't able to eat the cake or much for supper (he had tortillas with grilled chicken--the first meat he'd had all week) and it was the first time we've ever been out to eat when Logan was a handful (you should have seen us--silverware was flying, food was falling off the table, the check tray landed on the floor, we were up and down several times, we passed Logan across the table. . .it's a good thing the place was loud and set up really well for having a baby, despite it being a classy restuarant)! At least it was a better day than last year (no emergency room visits)!

Next year is going to make me feel old, though, so I want to do something super fun that day for the first birthday in my life. Joe's thirtieth will be in July so I'm already trying to come up with ideas for him. . .

This birthday evening, though, I'm sharing it with you! Finally a chance to reflect on the past month!

The last time I posted an update was Nov. 25th so I'll start from there. That night Joe's mom came over with a van she had rented and we left the next morning for our Thanksgiving in Colorado Springs.

Logan did really well on the ride out. It was beautiful weather that day and I even nursed in public for the very first time (with a wrap) at Subway! (It only took me over 7 months, lol.) Until then I'd never felt brave enough (Logan has been known for being active while nursing so I was always too worried my wrap would fly off and hit someone in the face with my boob exposed for all to see), but now I finally feel confident that I won't flash everyone.

We stopped every couple of hours to let Logan stretch his legs (lol) and I would also nurse during those times in our van. I really thought that trip was going to be my last days breastfeeding, though. I didn't even try to nurse at all anymore once we got to Colorado, so I don't understand how my milk didn't dry up. 1) I was in pain pretty much the whole trip (aside from the sores & bleeding from the previous week, I think the drier air also contributed) 2) I only pumped once on the trip and 3) when we arrived to Joe's sister's house Logan was too excited to eat. We couldn't get him to eat solids (it took him from Wed to Sat to eat one container of stage two food. He only nursed three times in those 4 days. I'd brought our formula sample from when he had jaundice as a newborn and so he did have one 8 oz bottle each day--but that was it, so I'm amazed he didn't lose weight!

I think he was just having so much fun with the new environment, the new toys, the new people, and the other babies, that he was wound up and wouldn't relax. He skipped all naps and woke up every couple of hours each night (only averaging about 8 hrs of sleep each day). Joe and I were wiped out to say the least. We'd forgotten what it was like getting up four times a night. . .we don't have the same stamina as we did during Logan's first month of life. . .we're definitely not ready for baby #2 yet!

Still, it was fun and I enjoyed chatting with the other two "new moms" (Joe's nephew's wives). The one with the 5.5 month old was still nursing, but the one with the 9.5 month old had stopped at 8 months. She said it was hard to say goodbye but she was glad to have her body back. I am definitely looking forward to that! My cousin-in-law suggested buying a really nice bra afterwards--I think that's a great idea. When the time comes, I'm definitely going to celebrate. . .it's been a year-and-a-half since I haven't been sharing my body with Logan!

Since I haven't had any sores or bleeding since Thanksgiving, Logan returned to nursing regularly when we came back from Colorado and must be getting enough milk because we haven't had to give him anymore formula (although we've used a few bags of breastmilk from our freezer).

I can count on just one hand how many times I've pumped since we returned from Colorado three weeks ago, so I'd planned on putting my pump away after that trip but decided to wait until we're done traveling for Christmas. I've pretty much been hooked to that thing since we bought it! It's had mold in it, shot my milk my wrong way (through where the air comes), and the motor almost died--but we've cleaned it and fixed it, and so my trusty ol' Medela Pump In Style Advanced will be around for baby #2. . .although I really hope not to use it very often with him/her. I'm not sure I will know how NOT to, though. I got so used to pumping a bottle before we went anywhere with Logan that I never had to go through the typical breastfeeding issues of nursing in a non-breastfeeding friendly enviroment. But, I did it at Subway and was comfortable, so maybe my rollercoaster with Logan has prepared me enough "mentally" to do it anywhere with baby #2.

As for Logan's sleeping, I think he would have returned to sleeping straight thru the night every single night during his seventh month, but due to all of our traveling, that didn't happen. He had more nights when he slept 8 hrs w/ no interruptions compared to months 5 & 6 (and I can count on one hand since he was two weeks old how many times he's been up for longer than 5 minutes), but lately every single night he's been wanting to nurse twice (rather than months 3 & 4 he didn't get up at all).

I think there is definite pressure for parents nowadays to have babies sleep consistantly thru the night, every single night, which I've discovered isn't natural for most babies! According to About.com:

You have probably heard that babies should start "sleeping through the night" at about 2 to 4 months of age. What you must understand is that, for a new baby, a five-hour stretch is a full night. Many (but nowhere near all) babies at this age can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m. (Not that they always do.) A far cry from what you may have thought "sleeping through the night" meant!

What's more, while the scientific definition of "sleeping through the night" is five hours, most of us wouldn't consider that anywhere near a full night's sleep for ourselves. Also, some of these sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly begin waking more frequently, and it's often a full year or even two until your little one will settle into a mature, all-night, every night sleep pattern.

So I was actually lucky that Logan slept 8-12 hrs uniterrupted during months 3 & 4, but I had no idea it was not practical to think that was going to last for the rest of his life. There is a lot of false information out there! I can't even tell you how many people acted like Logan was late for sleeping 8 hrs straight through every night at 3 months old--or when he did 12 hrs every night at 4 months old! The above article started off by saying, "The danger to a new parent is that these tidbits of misguided advice (no matter how well-intentioned) can truly have a negative effect on our parenting skills and, by extension, our babies' development -- if we are not aware of the facts. The more knowledge you have the less likely that other people will make you doubt your parenting decisions."

I wish I would have done more research in the beginning rather than listen to the people who acted like something was wrong with Logan when he began waking up again during his fifth month. It made me feel like my son was bad or something, when I've come to learn he's actually a better sleeper than the average! We hardly ever have to do anything to get him to sleep (he wants to go right to sleep when we put him in his crib) and 90 seconds is the average for how long he is up when he does wake up in the night. I'm not impressed with people who tell me their kids started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old because they let them "cry it out." To me, that's like someone beating their kids and saying, "My kids don't misbehave!" (To read my posts on the dangers of the cry it out method click here and here.)

As I've also mentioned in the past, Logan almost always has a reason for getting me up. Lately he started kicking his legs through the crib again -- and now banging his head against the crib (he's an active sleeper). I was going to buy the breathable bumper pads I mentioned in my post, Baby's First Teeth, except they won't offer a cushion for his head banging. At this time he can't stand up on the regular ones or climb out/fall out of his crib (although, we started having to put up the side of his crib during month 7), so since he is past the smothering stage I was comfortable enough to put them in for every night this month.

As for the peeing on himself, my mother-in-law recommended "making sure it's always pointing down" when putting on a new diaper. We'll see if that stops him from waking up drenched in urine. :(

Back to Thanksgiving. . .Joe's nephews' wives want to have six kids. I am in awe of people who seriously are at ease with that thought. I can't even fathom on my best day thinking I could handle that many. There's something about mothers of large families that seem superhuman to me. All of those who I've found with blogs are even skinny and gorgeous, and I'm thinking, HOW?! How would you even have a moment to get a haircut? (I don't have the time with one child, which is why that's the title of my blog!) How is your stomach flat when it's been stretched that many times?

Lately I've been thinking I would be fine with just Logan. Although he's still the absolute greatest joy of my life, and "my old life" doesn't even compare to the wonderful life he's given me. . .the older he gets the harder he gets, and so it's not like I'm going to get bored anytime soon. We have someone to carry on our blood and Joe's name. Logan completely fulfills me--I feel like I'm getting to experience "the experience" of being a mom from Logan so I don't need another. It's too bad I was raised as an only child (my brother is my half-brother from my dad & his second wife) because otherwise I could talk myself into being done. :p Not to avoid the stereotypes (I wasn't spoiled or lonely or antisocial or even mature for my age), but rather I just don't think it's healthy for parents or children when there is no other child to take the focus or distraction some of the time! Plus, somewhere I read that boy only children generally have more psychological issues than the average person. :/ And, when Logan is an adult I know he'll want that relationship. Maybe not all of the time when he's a kid, but I think there's nothing better than a brother and sister or two brothers or two sisters who can be friends when they grow up, and also help/give each other support when their parents get old and/or pass away.

My parents didn't really have a choice (they separated when I was 2 and by the time my mom remarried when I was 8 she'd been a single mother for several years so she'd lost her motivation to go through the stress of seeing whether she'd have an easier time having a baby than she'd had with me--after 4 miscarriages and me being two months premature)--but Joe and I do have the choice (as far as I know) so I think I'd end up regretting it if I turned 40 and had only had one child.

But 6?! That wouldn't be healthy for me or my children (or the rest of society, haha). Joe's nephews grew up in a family of five, though, so they had a good example. We're expecting them to announce another pregnancy soon, as both their wives said they haven't been doing anything to prevent another pregnancy since their babies were born in February & June, and they hope to have them all close together.

On the ride home from Colorado Logan was not happy about being confined in his carseat. Stopping at gas stations and rest areas weren't working like it had on the way out. Every time we put him back in the van he'd SCREAM at the top of his lungs. We were never going to get home if we kept making stops, and since nothing I did would distract him (we'd pretty much brought his entire life in the van which had kept him entertained on the way there), he screamed for two straight hours before I finally just had to break the law and hold him the rest of the 7 hrs. It wasn't something I'd wanted to do, even after a lot of moms had told me that was the only way they'd been able to travel that far with their babies. I just figured the one accident I'd get into in my life would be when Logan wasn't strapped in, so I was never comfortable on the ride home. But, he did fall asleep in my arms. I was worried that he'd continue to be all outa whack when we returned home, but thankfully he crashed in his crib immediately and went right back to normal with his sleeping and eating.

Joe's mom headed back to Iowa that night and I spent the week unpacking and Christmas shopping. Logan was such a little sweetie that week. . .he loved riding in all of the carts and looking around at the stores and smiling at all of the people :) We were stopped at every store by shoppers coming up to talk to him. At Hallmark I had carried in his carseat because I was making a quick stop and it was cold and I didn't want to take him out from under his cover. At first he was really quiet and so I don't think anyone really noticed me walking around. . .and then all of a sudden there was an "Ah!" sound. Every 90 seconds Logan would yell "Ah!" and it would startle whoever was around me which was funny. The people would always laugh and then peek in to see what had made that sound. I think everyone thought it was cute that he wasn't crying, he was just letting me know he didn't want to be in the carseat anymore! An old man said he thought Logan looked like a very happy baby. :)

The following weekend (December 6th) was my grandmother's 95th birthday in Missouri and so we surprised her by coming over for that. Along with my dad & stepmom and neighbor Judy, my aunt & uncle from Texas were there (who I don't get to see very often; my dad's brother & wife) so that was a bonus! We decided not to spend the night since it was Logan's third weekend trip in a row. It was a good thing because Logan didn't nap there, and once again although he'd done well on the way there, he screamed the entire three hours home. I didn't take him out of the carseat that time because I didn't want him to get used to thinking that would be okay (going to Colorado was an exception because we won't normally be taking 9.5 hour trips)! But that meant I had a horrible headache when we got home. :/

Even tonight on our way to the restaurant, Logan cried the whole time in the car. It's a big bummer because up until the Colorado trip the car was the one place he was guaranteed not to cry. That's why we let Logan fall asleep in his carseat for five months because it was his happiest/most comfortable/secure place! There were only two previous times in the 8 months that he'd cried in his carseat and both had been during his first six weeks.

The first time was one day in May when Joe and I had decided to meet for lunch at a park for a picnic. I'd been in bed watching Matlock, haha (this was back when Logan slept all of the time and I could actually lay in bed and watch TV. . .no more after three months old!) and hadn't showered yet, but I was so happy when Joe called and asked me if I wanted him to pick up a couple of subs. I threw on a pair of clothes, washed my face, and put Logan (who had woken up and I'd just pumped a bottle for him) in his carseat. . .only the straps locked up and he got stuck! I panicked because he began screaming as if he was hurt and so I started crying, too. I called Joe, probably sounding like I was having a nervous breakdown. Looking back I'm not sure why I got so worked up, but I think this was my first experience with feeling like a failure as a mom. Shouldn't I know how to put him correctly in his carseat? Joe assured me that it was going to be okay and he would come to our house rather than meet me at the park. I was balling my eyes out when he walked through the door, but I calmed down once I saw how easily he got Logan properly in the carseat.

Unfortuntately, it happened again a week or so later when I went to get my hair trimmed. I was ready to leave and the carseat's straps locked up. Joe had shown me how to loosen them the last time, but although it required just two simple steps, I forgot one of them and so, once again, Logan was stuck. This time when I called Joe he wasn't at his desk. So I had another nervous breakdown. I was going to be late! I couldn't leave unless Logan was properly in his carseat. What was I supposed to do? Call my sylist and tell her, I'm sorry I can't come in because I don't know how to put my baby in his carseat? I was probably more embarrassed/ashamed than anything. But through my tears I continued to fiddle with the straps and button and I figured it out. I got Logan in and he stopped crying! And, even though I was a couple of minutes late to the salon, my stylist wasn't even finished with the client before me, so I realized how the stress I'd put on myself hadn't really matched the situation. Even though this was a very simple task (which is why I felt dumb) I proved to myself that I could figure it out and so I wasn't a failure as a mom. Since then there have been numerous situations where I might not have panicked quite like those two times in the beginning, but I'll feel like I'm the only mom on the planet who might be slow at something, even though I know that's not the case. I suppose I'll experience that emotion until Logan is full grown.

Anyway. . .so the current cluelessness of not being able to stop him from crying in his carseat has led me to think maybe I shouldn't sit in the backseat with him anymore because I seem to make him madder! I'm glad he doesn't have crying fits very often because when he does there is nothing I can do to soothe him. If I touch him he pushes me away and if I try singing he screams louder. But experts say that it is okay if he's giving me cues that he wants to be left alone, that I do. As I've said before, I am not a fan of the "crying it out" method, but there are definitely times when long crying can not be avoided and just has to happen. I look forward to when he & I can communicate. . .right now he just doesn't understand why I can't take him out of the carseat and so it's exhausting for the both of us!

Speaking of exhausting, as you saw on my Crawling post, he took his first steps on Monday, December 8th and now is zooming through the house. It has put my anxiety into overdrive. I don't understand how mothers survive past this stage because every day I think I'm going to have a heart attack! I can't keep the dog toys away from him. I've put their toy basket in another room but they keep bringing each one to where we are so quickly that Logan has put every single one in his mouth. No matter how much I vaccum, he finds things on the floor that I can't see. He's put a twist tie in his mouth, a button, and a piece of dog food. He goes for all of our cords and other things that I didn't even realize were dangerous before. I'll look around the room, think the coast is clear, and then he'll do something that makes me realize that if I hadn't caught him in time, he could have died.

I'm sorry to be so dramatic, but it's true! In my post, Six Months Old, I mentioned I wanted to take a CPR/heimlich class. We are going to our pediatrician's office on Dec. 30th to make sure Logan is okay to have his brachial cleft fistula CT scan (since he has to be sedated for it) and so I'm going to ask them for recommendations because I want to sign up as soon as the new year begins. At least then I'll feel more secure because right now I wouldn't have a clue what to do in a situation that required one of those emergency methods, and so it makes me more scared/on edge than necessary.

I've heard that at some point in every parent's life they have to take their child to the ER. I know that there is no way to avoid a child getting seriously injured, it's going to happen. But just because I know this is out of my control doesn't mean I can just relax and say, "since it's going to happen, might as well not worry." You hear about freak fatalities to children all of the time! I feel like I HAVE to be a step ahead of him! I don't want to be neurotic but I also don't want to be naive. So, I'm currently trying to find the balance.

I would have decorated differently for Christmas if I had known Logan was going to be crawling overnight. He still seemed like he had a long way to go when we were at my Grandma's 95th birthday (I didn't predict it happening until early January), and yet 24 hours later he was crawling. At least I did manage to decorate our house and tree, though, and Joe even put lights up outside our house. I baked cookies on several occasions this month, listened to a lot of Christmas music, caught ONE Christmas movie on TV (usually that is one of my favorite things from this time of year and so I watch several) and although my Christmas letter went out much later than usual (I think in all of the years past it was mailed the day after Thanksgiving), I still got it out. I did most of my Christmas shopping online this year because even though Logan did well going to the stores with me, he had a short attention span. It seemed like I would just start to find things when he got antsy and so I knew that we better head home before he started crying. So, shopping was much slower and not as good as other years (for example, usually Joe is the easiest person to buy for, but I have nothing good for him--seriously! I have socks, underwear, a trashcan and a book [and he doesn't even like to read]! But, he didn't have a chance to get more than three little things for me, either, so we're going to buy one big gift for each other, together, in January instead).

I've felt like the Christmas season is the first time I'm noticing the difference between my pre-baby life and now. Probably because it's always the most stressful time of the year and this year with a new addition it is extra so. But for the very first time since Logan was born last April I've had the thoughts of "I miss such-and-such." I'd say the most common is reading. I've read three fiction books since he's been born. I used to read three a month! I long to just relax--truly relax--and read uninterrupted.

Also, go to the movie theater at a split second's notice. There are a ton of movies right now that I want to see. Not that Joe & I really went to the theater very often before we had a baby (he doesn't really like going) but whenever I really wanted to, I could always get him to. There have been no steps to find a babysitter since my post, Update, when I mentioned how we haven't had one yet, so deciding at the last minute to go to the theater hasn't really been an option.

Oh, and eating slowly. Strange, I know, but I feel like most days I have to eat so fast because Logan only allows me a few minutes for a lunch or dinner break. Despite not eating for pleasure anymore, I haven't lost any extra weight, but I feel like I'm starving all of the time because I'm more active than I've been in the past five years.

Fortunately I never got sick like I was worried about in my post, More of Logan's 7th Month, so the only virus I've had since Logan was born was that one cold in September. Logan has made it 8 months with none -- yeay! I didn't think it was necessary to get Logan the flu shot, so I'm glad I'm still breastfeeding so he's still getting antibodies.

The weekend of December 13th I finally made it to a hair appointment. That's something else I miss--being able to just run anywhere at anytime. My hair was an absolute disaster. It'd been since September since I'd had a trim or highlight. I decided that since my hair stopped falling out last month and has grown back in, and I'm only nursing twice a day, I'd completely change the color. . .to red! (For those interested in natural hair color, check out EcoColors.) It's something I've never done before (and I've had a lot of different hairstyles over the years). However, it came out looking dark brown rather than red :(

My mom & stepdad came over that day and watched Logan while Joe & I (separately) finished our Christmas shopping, so that helped.

On the 14th, Joe and I went over to Matt & Stacy's so our boys could have another playdate--and also so Stacy and I could have an excuse to celebrate our December birthdays! :) They knew of another couple with birthdays this month and so they invited them over, ordered a cake, and I brought ice cream. It was fun.

Afterwards, Joe and I took my local writers group materials to the new librarian. I held the position since June 2006 but have only made it to one meeting since Logan's been born. In my post, Pregnancy Ruined My Wrist, I mentioned that after Joe's trip to Branson last August I wanted to return to fiction writing. We've now realized the only way that's going to happen is if Joe watches Logan one night a week while I go to the library or somewhere not in this house to "zone out" and write! So that will be one of my new year's resolutions. . .as it's been a year-and-a-half since I wrote a novel consistantly each day. :( In my post, Trying To Figure Out A Schedule, I mentioned that I'd decided not to renew my membership with my writers group come January, although I did with the Romance Writers of America--so that if I decide I'm able to rejoin my local group or I find a new one, I can (you have to be a member of the RWA first). I do hope to have the time again for a writers group, maybe a year from now.

I already told you about the past week (with Joe's diverticulitis), and I also decided to get a couple more things Christmas shopping on Thursday the 18th--and then yesterday (Saturday, December 20th) we went to the mall so Logan could sit on Santa's lap, which was fun :)

To finish up. . .Joe's oldest nephew had typhoid fever at the end of last summer, but we saw him over Thanksgiving and he is completely recovered, thank God!

I've never mentioned that Logan has always sneezed more than we do, but when he was born the hospital staff told us that we would probably notice that during his first year because it is super common with babies and nothing to be concerned about. He's not sick or allergic to anything, it's just their new noses adjusting to air outside the womb. Kind of like how whenever Joe walks from inside to outside he sneezes, I'm not kidding, he's done that as long as I've known him!

My three friends who are having babies in April are expecting two girls and a boy. I was 2 for 3. I was actually three for three when they first told me (i.e. I pictured them with the sex that they're having) but then switched one of the girls to a boy when she told me the heartbeat (it was the same as Logan's). I should have gone with my first instinct. . .plus, that's statistically accurate (generally in a group of three, two will be girls and one a boy. That was how it was with Joe's two nephews who had babies (girls) two months before and two months after Logan!)

Earlier I mentioned that I've read three fiction books since Logan's been born. One of them was my first Jodi Picolut book titled Harvesting The Heart. I highly recommend it to all new moms. At first I thought it was a book about a woman with post partum depression, but later realized she was rather quite normal (just had a major issue with her mother). It was really good so I will definitely be reading more of JP's books. She'd been recommended to me for years, but I'd seen two of her movies and they weren't that good (movies never do books justice) but then the third movie I saw WAS really good and I could tell she had a similar writing style to me. Some parts of this book were hard for me to read (emotional/sensitive since I have a new baby--the book starts off as she's leaving her baby boy) but I couldn't put it down because there were several things I could laugh at because they were so real to all mothers, despite it being a serious book. I recommend it to even those who aren't moms!