Rough Week

This was originally written on Wednesday, August 20, 2008:

I can't wait until Joe returns this evening! This has been a horrible past four days. Logan decided on Sunday and Monday not to nap AT ALL but instead eat every two hours like he did during his first month of life! As I said in my last post, my milk supply had gone down, so it was very exhausting pumping AND nursing him every hour! It reminded me of his third week/my third week of breastfeeding when my lactation consultant called and I ended up in tears because I was so overwhelmed. I hadn't planned on ever having to experience that again. Only this time instead of sleeping the rest of the time, he wanted constant stimulation--I couldn't leave him alone or else he'd start crying!

It was embarrassing because my step-grandparents came to meet him for the first time on Sunday through this morning, and so they had a distorted view of our days. Even though Logan doesn't tend to have a consistant schedule, we still somehow know how to go with each other's flow, ya know? I can't say he's a perfect baby because there's no such thing, but as you know if you've kept up on my blogs, the majority of his days on earth he's been easy. Even though he still had times of smiling & laughing for my grandparents to thoroughly enjoy, this week was otherwise identical to my only other "bad week" (three weeks ago when he had an hour each day where he cried; he hasn't done that since)--only without Joe's help, so therefore it felt a million times worse.

I hope this is just a phase because I came close to having an anxiety attack several times! I actually wish I'd been by myself and not had company because I think that made it worse. If I'd been alone I could have centered my days around Logan to get in tune with this different behavior and figure out what to do on my end, and I don't think it would have seemed so bad. Instead, I had to take a shower & get ready every morning and focus on my grandparents. They wanted to go out to eat once a day so I drove them around, etc. I couldn't just lay around in my sweats & topless nursing Logan all day!

I appreciated my grandparents offering to keep me company while Joe was gone, but I should have had them come a different week. Because they didn't feel comfortable holding him or feeding him a bottle, or diverting his attention when he was crying, etc. So that meant I had absolutely no breaks and there were many times I was trying to do five things at once. I had to let the dogs outside, bring them back in when they barked, clean up Cosmo's vomit when he threw up while I was changing Logan's diaper, change Logan's outfit four times each day due to him spitting up or peeing on it, clean up our messes, do the dishes, the laundry, etc.

Fortunately I was still able talk with my grandparents while they were here, which was enjoyable, but I learned that next time Joe is gone I'm not going to have company. It's just too much pressure to do extra. There were so many times I wanted to sob, but I couldn't because I don't want to cry in front of people. At one point I went upstairs to put laundry away and I did cry for a couple of minutes.

I actually lost four pounds over these past four days because every moment was spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off. My grandparents said they could see how I lost my baby weight, but honestly it's not usually like that! Our life with Logan has been pretty calm up until now.

I wonder if Logan is transitioning into a new pattern, now that he's older. He officially turned four months old on Monday (Sunday was exactly a year after I got pregnant, haha) and is starting to act more like a "kid" rather than a baby. For one, he's gotten LOUD!!! He makes shrill noises non-stop!!! He's also very interested in what's going on around him; he has to be involved now in everything. Normally when I take him out in public he just sleeps. This time when we went out to eat (twice to Red Robin and once to Dragon Cafe, I had no problem eating my entire banzai burger & fries at Red Robin because I was so hungry after my constant moving), he had to be on my lap rather than in the carseat or else he was going to cry! I'd never been worried about causing a scene since he'd been born--but this week I felt like he was a ticking time bomb.

That's actually why I've always been scared for Logan to leave the baby stage because it seems harder to me when they start moving around, but everyone says it gets easier, so hopefully I will agree soon!

It has been fun to see him continue to develop intellectually. I think he's actually gotten a lot smarter this week. It is so fascinating to watch him learn hand-eye coordination. Most recently I noticed him looking at his pacifier on his lap and then he slowly made his hand reach down to pick it up, then he slowly grasped it and slowly brought it up to his face and kept trying to put it in his mouth but kept missing--but still kept on trying. He also keeps trying to crawl and clearly understands that's what he will be doing at some point, but he just can't physically do it yet. It's like when people have a disability--they have the desire and know what they're supposed to do, but there's a process between your brain and motor skills that most of us take for granted.

He does the same thing with the toys on his bouncer. And, may I point out, that he favors his left side :-) I say this because I'm left handed! Joe didn't like to hear that because he wants him to be an engineer like him, haha, but left handers tend to fall more into creative professions. . .like writing :-) We actually noticed this a month or two ago but know that it's too soon to tell (they say it takes until they're two years old), however the more he plays the more we notice he is more interested in whatever is on his left, he uses his left hand more, and when he rolls to his side or turns his head to sleep it's always to the left. Well, life will probably be easier for him if he's an engineer (school and society definitely favor those better in math & science) but it'd be fun to have someone else in the family who is like me, since none of my blood relatives have even the tiniest interest in writing, etc.

I'm pretty sure he's going to have Joe's hair, though. It's funny because I'm sure you will all agree with both Joe & me that his hair is black. But his mom has always insisted it's "dark brown with red highlights." This always makes us laugh because Joe's hair is a pretty solid color! At first glance it appears that Logan has black hair as well. But, whenever I get him in a certain light, I'm like, "Ohmygosh his hair is dark brown with red highlights!" Haha! It must be a "mother" thing because I still don't see it with Joe's hair!

Back to Logan this week. . .I believe his change in behavior is one or more of the following three factors:

1) He hasn't pooped since Saturday. He's never gone this long, so if he doesn't poop today then I'm calling the pediatrician. Experts say it's not constipation until it's been seven days, and Logan doesn't act in pain or anything, but it's still not like him. I assume it's because (as I mentioned in my last post after his vaccines) he had 4 full poopy diapers on Thursday and 4 full poopy diapers on Friday. It makes sense that his body would need to make up for those so as not to get dehydrated. Still, I'd assume it'd be uncomfortable when you're used to going at least once (if not more a day), and now it's been four days.

2) His routine changed. Joe's gone and we had visitors that required a different pattern to our days. I've heard that babies know more than we think. They get used to the flow of things, and the older they get the more of an adjustment life is when it changes. They also crave routine, but we've had A LOT going on lately. There have been a lot of new faces, new voices, and now that he's noticing everything it may just be too much for him. It's a "new thing" to have to relax himself when there's action going on and he hasn't grasped that yet. It used to be the noiser the better. Until recently we even kept a sound machine on at night for him. But now he prefers the quiet to sleep, so no more sound machine--because noises feed his energy! At this age he can't communicate that he might want some "alone" or "quiet" time, so all he can do is squirm. I did notice this week that when I'd take him upstairs to nurse him behind closed doors he relaxed more than when I'd try to soothe him in front of my grandparents. However many times he wouldn't nurse because he was too fussy--but he would take a bottle. :-(

3) He's starting to understand attention! Until now he never seemed that interested in whether we "gooed" over him. But now, of course, he's discovered that life is more fun when we talk & smile at him! So whenever I left him alone to nap or play by himself, he probably thought, hey wait a minute I prefer staying up with her! But no naps and constant stimulation make a baby fussier. That's something I'm more open to working on when it's just him & I at home, but when other people are around I don't feel comfortable letting him be so loud for an undetermined amount of time. He doesn't understand what it means to talk softly at this point, haha--when he babbles he's a shouter!

I also still haven't thrown out the idea that he's teething, despite there being no buds yet. He only takes his pacifier about 1% of the time now, but chews on his fingers and drools a lot.

One thing I can't complain about is that he has started sleeping TWELVE peaceful hours, straight through each night! He goes to bed around 8 pm and sleeps all of the way until 8 am. (Since 3 months old we haven't left the closet light on for him as I first mentioned in my "Preparing for Brachial Cleft Surgery" post.) His naps still vary during the day, but he always totals the average amount of sleep per day for this age (still 15 hrs).

At least I was smart and slept the entire time Logan did the past three nights, so I'm not a zombie.

P.S. I wrote the above blog at 9:30 this morning and now it's 5:30 PM. I already have an update to report--good and bad news. The good is that Logan finally pooped today at 3:30! We'll see if that makes a difference with his behavior. Joe just arrived home and the first words out of his mouth were that he was shocked that Logan looks & acts older that just four days ago!

The bad news is that my grandmother found out that she has breast cancer. Please keep her in your prayers. . .my step grandparents are in their mid-seventies and have always been extremely involved in my life. From the time I met them after my mom & stepdad became engaged in 1987, they immediately welcomed me like I was their biological grandchild--inviting me to stay with them for a week every single summer until I graduated high school, visiting me at college and every single place I've ever lived, they've called me every weekend to find out what was going on in my life, and in college sent me $5-10 each week! They came all of the way to Omaha from Eastern Iowa to dogsit my oldest dog (Bella) for a week when she was 7 months old when Joe & I went to the Carolinas, as well as to see our new house less than two months after we moved here last year, and now to meet Logan. I have known other women with breast cancer, and they have given me great hope that my grandma will be okay as they are all survivors except one: my aunt (dad's sister), who passed away before I was born. I will be getting out my pink bracelet to wear during the month of October for breast cancer awareness month!

Look-A-Likes

After I posted the following blog I received these pictures in an e-mail--they're Joe's nephew's daughter (who was born in February) and her mom as a baby! Talk about "look-a-likes!" WOW!
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This was originally written on Monday, August 4, 2008:

Logan is a spitting image of his daddy's baby pictures. Sometimes it is freaky because Logan will make Joe's exact expressions--I think he's definitely taking after him more than me (and he has Joe's natural tan).

As far as measurements, at Joe's 4 month check-up he weighed 16 lbs, 10 oz. Right now Logan is at 17 lbs on our home scale (his 4 month appointment is in 9 days). Meanwhile, I was 18 lbs at my 6 month check-up which is the same thing as Logan & Joe at 4 months because I was two months premature. So, even though Logan is the biggest 3.5 month baby I know, LOL, he appears to be right where he should be based on his genetics! (Part of it is that he is so solid--he already has muscles. I have a friend who works at a daycare and said that Logan does a really good job at sitting up, holding his head up, and standing up with assistance compared to the three month olds that she knows.)

The downside to this is that I can only hold him for so long. Last week he wanted me to walk around with him but I had to keep trying other things because it was starting to hurt my back. The positive, though, is that he's definitely not going to be dependent on people holding him. He finds the same comfort in his car seat (his favorite place).

Since I posted a week ago, Logan has decided to have an hour each day where nothing appears to be wrong--he just cries. The time of day varies and once he goes to sleep then he's fine for the rest of the day (when he wakes up he's happy again). But that one hour is tough. This past Friday he cried for the entire hour--and then finally wore himself out. I had mentioned in a previous post that the longest he'd cried in his life was five consecutive minutes. Obviously that went out the window at 3.5 months old.

I can't imagine having a colicky baby--that one hour last Friday was exhausting! If Logan hadn't been easy-going the other 23 hours of the day I think I would have had a problem being easy-going, too! On Friday I was getting so sad for him that I had to try leaving him alone for the first time (even though, as I said in past posts, I'm not a fan of the "crying it out" method) because I seemed to be making everything worse (any comfort I tried to give made him scream louder). It used to be that putting him to the breast was all he needed, but now when he's cranky that actually makes him madder and I was worried about the dangerous effects of him screaming for so long, which I posted in my "Preparing for Brachial Cleft Surgery" post! Fortunately he did fall asleep soon after I gave him his space. Bella had even been concerned and went to see if there was anything she could do to help!

On Wednesday his fussy hour was actually more like several. Joe came home early while I went to get my hair cut for the first time since 2.5 days before Logan was born, and when I returned Joe was a train wreck. Logan continued to be fussy when I took over and Joe went to mow the lawn. I had been starving upon returning from the salon, but it wasn't until 4 hours later that I was able to eat my dinner because every time I tried to take a bite Logan would start crying. He finally had an explosive diaper and then calmed down, so I wonder if his fussy times are linked to getting uncomfortable in the tummy. I always do the recommended "bicycle" with him, as that helps babies with constipation, but he's never had a true case of constipation (for other tips and info according to the labor of love dot com, click here). I keep taking his temperature and he's not sick, either. . .and no teeth are coming through yet. I'm also not eating anything or doing anything different, so I don't think it's something I can prevent/avoid. My gut instinct tells me it's just a phase where he's learning how to relax/calm himself down, as babies are not born with the ability to do this--it is a learned thing.

On Thursday, his bumbo chair was what did the trick. Apparently he just didn't want to recline anymore that day! He also still really enjoys his music bear, mobile, and music box--he can be in the worst case of tears and I turn one of them on and he suddenly stops and smiles, it's so sweet.

Fortunately, the past three days he's fallen asleep shortly into his cranky time (so no more crying for more than a few minutes straight), so that's made things easier. Joe found a good trick--put him in his carseat, give him a tiny bit of breastmilk in a bottle, then quickly replace the bottle with his pacifier, and gently rock his carseat back and forth as he dozes off. It works pretty much every time.

Friday had been the first day in his life that he didn't poop. Needless to say, on Saturday he had his first explosion in public. We went to Sarah S's house for a BBQ and I had been eating in a different room as Logan and decided to go get him. When I reached down to pick up his carseat I noticed a poop stain by his feet! I was like, what is that doing there? Then I realized what it meant. . .oh no! I picked up his legs and there was gooy poop ALL under him, seeping out the sides of his diaper. It was the first time he'd leaked in the size bigger diapers but I don't think anything would have stopped his two-day build up! I had forgotten to bring another outfit for him, so poor guy was just in his diaper after that.

By the way, I forgot to mention in Logan's "Three Months Old" blog that when the minister was holding him to dedicate him, Logan farted! At least he didn't poop :p

For other news since my post last week. . .two of the nights this past week Logan slept NINE consecutive hours--yeay! This week I'm going to try to work on helping him get into a pattern/schedule during the day. It's still different every day--he might be wide awake for several hours in the morning and then sleep in the afternoon, or sleep in the morning and be awake for a long time in the afternoon. (Same with the evening.) I'm going to try and figure out what he prefers/what works best for him and then see if I can assist him into making it a routine.

Recently I mentioned he sorta has cradle cap. . .well last week his scalp began falling off all over our furniture--gross! I'd find circles with hair sticking straight out of them! So I looked up to find out how to get rid of cradle cap and I'm glad I did, because although it's completely harmless, it can last up to three years.

It's caused from the mother's hormones during pregnancy--they can overstimulate the baby's seborrheic (oil producing) glands--it's not due to poor hygiene or allergies, and is not contagious. The only thing that appears to work (naturally) is oil. Experts recommend putting a small amount of olive oil on a washcloth and then rub it gently on his head. Let it sit for 5 minutes and then take a comb and brush out the scales. Wash his head with non-drying shampoos (i.e. not Johnson & Johnson, but rather organic brands like Burt's Bees). They claim within two weeks it will be gone. I have to say I'm already noticing a major improvement after only three times of doing this. His head has not flaked for three days!

He's sure lost a lot of hair, though. I could tell he had been when comparing him to his newborn photos (his hair was also a lot darker back then) but now I find it all over his crib, pack n play, swing, etc! So hopefully he won't go bald, I think babies with hair are cuter :)

I've been giving him vitamin D a couple of times a week because the PA at my pediatrician's office in June said to start giving it daily since it's the only vitamin not passed thru breastmilk (my body absorbs it all)--and it is not good at this age for Logan to be in much sunlight. For more on the importance of giving babies vitamin D, click here for an article on WebMD.

It's harder than I thought it'd be! Logan actually spits--not just as in letting it drain out of his mouth but actually putting his lips together and blowing it out! It's kind of funny. Sometimes he takes it well (it tastes like orange) but from now on I'm going to put it in his milk so that he gets it more than twice a week because it is an extremely important vitamin that children worldwide are low in. (And adults, so I take a supplement in addition to my pre-natal vitamin because even the amount in just that isn't enough according to optimal health standards.)

On another subject, my cousin who lost baby boy Caden last October found out she's having a GIRL in January! We're continuing to pray that everything remains well.

Joe received the results from his cholesterol check and is healthier than me (I had mine checked three years ago). :p His total is 165 (mine was 215, they say it should be under 240). His HDL (the good cholesterol) was 53, mine was 59 (should be more than 40) and his LDL (bad cholesterol) was 85, mine was 145 (should be less than 160). Joe's triclycerides were 133 (should be below 150) and mine were 54. His c-reactive protein was .39 and mine was 3 (should be below 3). So we're glad to know that Joe is at a very low risk for a "cardiac event." Meanwhile, because of my c-reactive protein score, I am at risk for "a future cardiac event." That sounds terrible! I better get on that eliptical machine.

I've been staying up past Joe for the first time since moving into this house. I always used to go to bed later than him in our other places of residence, but once I got pregnant I was the first to hit the hay!

My only other update is that my friend from fourth/fifth grade, Heather, came over from Iowa with her husband to meet Logan this past weekend. They arrived at 9:30 PM on Friday and we hung out & talked, then on Saturday went out for brunch at I-HOP (the last time I went was a week before Logan was born and I could only eat two bites because my stomach was so full of baby and I was having braxton hicks!) and to Sarah S's where Logan was super interested in playing with the babies from last week again! :-) Lexi tried to put her cute little shoes on his feet. He was also very fascinated by the television. Anytime I turned him away from it he fussed until I turned him back! I've noticed that at home, too, whenever I have the TV on he'll just stare at it forever! I guess it's time to buy some Baby Einstein DVDs!

I thought Logan was going to have his first fussy time in public (he began crying at the party), so we left after a couple of hours there, but Logan ended up falling asleep in the car and was okay the rest of the night. Us adults rented a movie, and Heather & Scott left at 10:30 AM on Sunday.

At 6:30 PM our power went out! It was another 105-degree day, and apparently the system got overworked from everyone cranking their air conditioners. I was so worried that this was going to be a numerous-day thing. Joe called Nick and he said the news was reporting 17% of our town was without electricity. My dad & stepmom were without power for 3-4 days last week due to a tornado in Iowa! I can't imagine. . .I am SOOOO dependent on electricity. I mean, no computer, come on! No, seriously I was most concerned about all of the breastmilk I have stored in the freezer! I began feeding it to Logan last night just in case. Fortunately, OPPD came out and fixed the broken part so everything came back on at 10:30 PM.

I had been in the middle of fixing dinner when it first went out. I called my next door neighbors but neither were home. I could tell both of their's was out, too, though because their answering machines didn't pick up. When Jenn arrived home during the 8:00 hour she called us and then went outside with Joe to congregate with the neighbors behind us. They learned that it was affecting all of us as well as five blocks up. When Sean & Brenda came home they had to break into their house because they'd been gone to Chicago all week and forgot their keys but planned to use their garage code to get in!

Joe ended up picking up a pizza for supper and then I figured I had no choice but to get the ice cream out of our freezer to have for dessert! :p

When it got dark we used candles and our two flashlights. We stripped Logan down, but fortunately it was just starting to get stuffy when the power went back on so it's a good thing this happened in the evening. And, everything in our fridge and freezer was still cold so nothing was ruined. Whew!