Boys Will Be Boys

This was originally posted on Sunday, July 5, 2009:
Today I randomly came across an online article that is so shocking to me, it makes me sad. It's titled Keeping The Gender of A 2-Year Old Secret .

I didn't realize that anybody really believed in doing that! I know that in the 1970's there was a movement to gender-neutralize children (to make all boys and girls the same) - but every study proved this was impossible because it's against nature; there's a reason for male/female stereotypes - it is based on the majority!

Ask any doctor to study the brain and they will tell you male and female brains are very different. (In the 1980's physicians and physiologists first examined the functioning of the human brain in great detail. Men and women's brains looked very distinct when examined in a laboratory. They "lit up" in different areas and revealed unique neurological processes. Male and female brains are "hardwired" differently, which along with hormonal factors, accounts for behavioral and attitudinal characteristics associated traditionally with masculinity and femininity. So, this movement fizzled and now most everyone I know raises their sons like sons and their daughters like daughters.)

As a mother of a son, I can understand why. Since prior to having my son, I knew nothing about babies or children, I expected "boy personality traits" to gradually happen or for society/environment to play a role. But, since he was born, Logan has cared less what anyone else thought he should be - he has always showed the stereotypical signs of being a boy, and my friends have agreed in regards to their children. Our sons show little interest in toys that are not cars and trucks! Just as, my friend Lisa P who has two daughters said that her first born loved dolls and displayed a maternal instinct even before her second daughter was born (so it wasn't something she was mimicking).

Reading that above article made me sad. Parents put their toddler boys in dresses and don't think that's going to make them confused and cause psychological problems later????

I'm not saying that all boys are rough & tough or all girls are "princesses." But, I think some people are too quick to worry that if their boys decide to pick up a doll instead of a truck, or their girls want to climb trees and play in the mud rather than have tea parties, then they should encourage them to be the opposite gender.

Several years ago I saw a special on TV about how some parents have gone as far as to even give their children sex change operations. This is outrageous! One couple said that because their four year old said he wanted to be a girl, they let him (and sent him to a plastic surgeon)! A FOUR YEAR OLD!!!!! I thought it was more a lesson on the tail wagging the dog. For example, if Logan is four years old and says he wants to be a dog, am I going to let him walk on all fours, bark, and eat and drink off the floor? NO! I'm going to remind him that he is a person and it is fine to pretend when it's playtime at home, but when he goes out in public or we are being serious around the house, he will behave like a human.

Four year olds want to be crazy things all of the time. . .but they change their minds! If you read my post, My Personality Type. What Are You? then you know I'm the kind of person that can never even get a tattoo because I know I wouldn't want it anymore after three years! So it's not possible for me to let Logan do anything permanent as a child - let alone something as major as a sex change operation.

When a person is 18 they can leave home and do whatever they want, can be whatever they want. But until then it is the parents' job to give them guidelines and boundaries. Also, to make children as secure and comfortable being the gender they are so that they will be confident and happy adults. This does not mean putting down the traits they show that might appear "opposite" of their gender, or forcing them to be a certain way. Instead, this means encouraging their traits that are their gender and teaching them to be proud of the gender they are. How are they going to like themselves, have good self esteem, and a positive self-image if their parents act as if their identity is no big deal?

Boys and girls ARE different, this is not an opinion, this is fact. It is not negative - differences should be embraced!!! I have always loved being a girl, Joe has always loved being a guy, and I can tell Logan loves being a boy, too. To hide this fact - to not want anyone (including Logan) know what gender he is, would be a huge insult to him. These parents are doing the opposite of what might be their goal - they are giving the message that their child is a nothing. That neither sex is worth being.

I do not agree with Dr. Dobson when it comes to spanking (as I wrote about in my post, The Truth About Spanking), but I do like his book Bringing Up Boys (recommended by my pediatrician two months ago and given to me by my mom for Christmas 2008), which I am almost done reading and recommend if you are interested in reading more about this subject.

The book gives parental advice on boys because, like a post I wrote in March 2008 titled For Moms Who Are Going To Have Boys, boys need different parenting than girls.

On pages 13-17 he goes into more detail about the movement in the 1970's to stop raising boys as boys and girls as girls. On page 15 he talks about how stores (like Toys R Us) were told to take down "boys toys" and "girls toys" signs. "It was not successful. The company administered more than ten thousand customer surveys to learn more about the preferences of children. It turned out that boys and girls were interested in different things. . .Armed with that information, executives at Toys R Us decided it was politically safe to display the toys in separate sections called Boys World and Girls World."

Chapter Two covers how hormones, mainly testosterone also play a role.

Page 25 says, "Most experts believe boys' tendency to take risks, to be more assertive, to fight and compete, to argue, to boast, and to excel at certain skills, such as problem solving, math, and science, is directly linked to the way the brain is hardwired and to the presence of testosterone. This may explain why boys have "ants in their pants" when they are in the classroom and why teachers call them little "wiggly worms."

I know some parents try to make boys "perfect gentlemen" as toddlers (which I don't think is natural) so it was a nice reinforcement to read page 28: "I urge you as parents not to resent or try to eliminate the aggressive and excitable nature that can be so irritating."

Yeay, I'm so proud that Logan is a boy! I hope to never read another article like the one above again!