What A Night

This was originally written on Tuesday, January 20, 2009:

This is an update/continuation from yesterday, where I said that we are having a weird week -- I don't know what's causing my son's sudden change in behavior from easy to fussy.

Despite the title of today's post, Logan was not that bad during the night. He only woke up once (at 1 am). The problem was that we ended up being awake for a full hour!!! Yes, I know I can't complain since it's only the fifth time since he was two weeks old that we've lost sleep being up with him (i.e. the other nights he's woken up since then it's only been 2-5 minutes)--my frustration & exhaustion is because he refused to nurse! There was only one other day in his life that he resisted the breast and that was a week before he turned 5 months old (I mentioned it in my post titled, My Son's Fifth Month). Just like this week, he'd been fussy all of that day -- those who read that post might remember we even fed Logan with a dropper so that he'd get 6 oz. of milk in a 24 hr period. He didn't get his first teeth for another month so I'm still not sure what caused that episode, but the good news was that he was back to normal the next day.

This time I'm not so sure. He had not been interested in nursing when we put him down at 8:30 last night (so Joe fed him a bottle of formula) and so my breasts were full. I was happy about this because it meant that my milk supply had improved since a couple of weeks ago when I could have easily stopped nursing without my body even caring. But my happiness quickly turned to despair when at 1 AM my breasts were engorged--as in seriously painful. Um, so pump, right?

Yeah. . .I'm an idiot. I said in my post, 9 Months Old (Next Week) that not only did I put my pump away on January 10th, but I threw away a couple of parts that were seriously yucky. As I was dropping them into the trash can, I hesitated. I remembered how after I threw away my nipple shields in October (because I hadn't used them since Logan was a couple of weeks old), I had the sores and could have benefited from them. I had told myself never to throw anything away again unless I was sure I'd never need it. But I thought about our entire journey with breastfeeding. . .there was simply no reason for me to pump ever again . . .so in the trash the parts went.

It never crossed my mind that Logan might not want to nurse when my breasts were full! (How ironic that in yesterday's post I said that we were free of problems in this area this week.)

I tried to hand pump for the first time, but that was not good enough. So, Joe got up and found my manual pump (which I hadn't used since Logan was two weeks old) and while I was crying he went to work. He put a piece of masking tape over the little valve that's usually covered in order for the pump to work. My hero! Although it was incredibly slow (don't waste your money on a manual pump--this was only the second time I'd ever used it)--I was able to get six ounces--whew!

Then, Logan, who was still up and refusing my breast drank the bottle! I had thought maybe it was my breastmilk, but nope, he went right back to sleep after that and slept until 7 this morning.

I was shocked to find that my breasts were painfully engorged again when I woke up! I think the past week of "whatever is going on" that has been causing Logan to wake up 4 times a night to breastfeed increased my milk supply! But he still wouldn't nurse this morning, so I used my fake manual again and got about 4 oz. which, once again, he drank in a bottle. I've continued to put him to the breast every hour but he arches his back, turns his head, and starts crying--clearly he doesn't want it. If he refuses the breast before bed this evening then I know even if I use my manual pump again my milk supply is going to go back down--to nothing. Maybe he's weaning himself??? He always seemed like he would nurse at night the rest of his life if he could!

I still have 5 bags of breastmilk left in the freezer so I'm thinking maybe I'll save those for the day he has surgery so that he gets breastmilk that day. . .but in the weeks until February 19th we might have to go all formula, as this week may end up being my last week for Logan getting fresh breastmilk. Then again, how many times have I thought the end was before? As always, we will see. . .

Since Logan did sleep the best he had in a week, I was hoping maybe he'd be back to his easy-going self today. . .but he was cranky all morning. :( I kept trying to put him down for a nap, but he refused his morning nap like the past two days. On Sunday night I'd taken a warm, relaxing bath with him for the first time because that was recommended in the book I mentioned yesterday. I'd never seen him so calm in my life! So, I decided to do that again today and it worked! I turned on my Plumb CD (the one I mentioned in My Birthday in the ER post, that has lyrics about being a mom) and we had mother-son bonding time, as that's where I always felt it the most when I was pregnant (I'd always stare at my stomach--and now I was staring right at him)! He was so peaceful and serene. . .I wrapped him in a big comfy towel and put him in his bumbo chair while I got into the shower to take a real one. Even though he's been used to sitting outside my shower since was born (so I can get ready while he sits in a bumbo with a toy), lately he gets antsy sooner than later--but today he was so quiet! Still, I cleaned quickly and when I turned off the shower and opened the door I saw the sweetest site: his head was dropped to his chest, sound asleep! I picked him up and carried him to his crib. . .and he's still there sleeping two hours later!

I'm sure he'll wake up any minute so I'll bring this to a close now. I'm really hoping when he wakes up his fussy week will be over. I gave him some Tylenol because that had worked when he refused the breast at four months old, but I'm still not exactly sure what has been the cause of all of this. My stepdad found a good article on babycenter about how it's very common at this age for babies to develop night terrors/nightmares. Many of you might remember from posts last summer/fall that Logan often had bad dreams for his first five months. It occured to me the other day that maybe he still does and I just don't know it since he always sleeps in his crib now. Back when he slept in his carseat I could hear his little sounds easier than now in his room with the door closed. So this definitely could be his deal lately--it seems like it's the same thing, only he's getting more upset which wakes himself up (whereas before he kept sleeping).

The article also lists my theory on separation anxiety which I still think might be the cause since he displayed the first signs during the day this same week (and Stacy--the mother of Logan's little friend Jaxson who is the same age--said that he has suddenly been screaming in his crib, too).

But I think there has to be an additional reason since he's not been his self during the day. If the reason is teething, it's strange that he's reacting this time but only has once out of his six other teeth. He was so happy every day of his 8th month and that's when four came in! The next ones are supposedly on each side of his two bottom teeth, but I can't see any buds yet.

And, seems like if it was a stomach ache then he wouldn't drink the bottles (and he hasn't been constipated or had any gas). I hope our pediatrician can provide us with a solution at his 9 month check-up tomorrow.

Oh--I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that when Joe and I went to the movie on Friday a group of kids sat next to us and for the first half-an-hour would not stop talking! They were getting up, getting down, leaving the theater, coming back, laying on the floor, laughing, hitting each other, and looking through their phone! The people on the other side of us moved and the couple in front of us kept giving them dirty looks (which we were, too). But they didn't get the hint. I thought to myself, okay I don't get out much, you're not going to ruin the one night I get to see a movie! So I went and got the theater cop who told them that if they didn't stop then they'd be escorted out! They didn't make another sound the entire film! Go me :)