Morning sickness still in the second trimester

This was originally written on Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Guess what? I'm still sick!

Since being in the second trimester (which started on November 2nd), I'd noticed a major improvement with fatigue and everything else. But then I woke up on Saturday, November 10th feeling ill and it didn't lessen throughout the day. However, on Sunday & Monday I felt better and so I thought it was just a "one day thing." Instead, I threw up on Tuesday morning and was sick all day, as well as on Wednesday & Thursday, as if nothing had changed from my first trimester. Talk about depressing!!!! Friday I started to feel better and it lasted throughout the weekend and into Monday. Yesterday (Tuesday), however, I was at Wal-Mart and threw up again! AHH.

It was my first time in my entire life for throwing up in public. Fortunately I had made it to my car so I don't think anyone saw me, but it was still embarassing. I had just finished packing my car with groceries and I started gagging. I was like, where in the world did that come from? So I hurriedly sat down and turned on the heat (thinking maybe I was just uncomfortable from the cold--we had a major drop in temp yesterday from 70 degrees to 40; obviously the Midwest winter is here) but I kept gagging. That's when I realized I was going to throw up and I needed to plan how I was going to do it. So I grabbed a sack, emptied it out, and held it the entire way home--as I threw up again at a stop sign.

It was my own fault, though. Remember how I said that I need to have something in my stomach every hour because there is a major connection between a drop in blood sugar and the sickness? Well I admit that since I entered the second trimester I've slacked a bit. Yesterday I was out shopping for 3.5 hrs and didn't bring a snack. The only good thing about this is that all that came up was liquid--but still!

Okay, enough about that. Even though this pregnancy has been difficult and not-so-fun, I am still thankful for this blessing and experience. I'm feeling better today so hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend.

Joe and I went to four baby stores over the weekend to price furniture and items for our baby's nursery! Of course everything is way expensive, but the style we like tends to be on the lesser side so that's good. At first we had no idea what we wanted but now we have figured out what we like, so we will probably buy a crib, dresser, and changing table next month.

At this stage everything else is too hard to buy since we don't know the gender. I don't know how people who don't find out do it. I was trying to look at bedding, car seats, strollers, etc. and most patterns are gender-specific so it was way too overwhelming for me at this point. (I'm talking hundreds of choices.) I don't mind yellow and green, but I don't want EVERYTHING to be those colors! Plus, a lot of things actually say "girl" or "boy" on them. I can't wait--just three-and-a-half more weeks. :-)

Anyway, did you know that pregnant women aren't supposed to touch Christmas lights? I bought an extra box yesterday while I was at the store, and happened to read the note under "warnings." I'd had no idea, but apparently they contain lead which can cause birth defects. It's illegal in the state of California. It's so shocking all of the harmful things out there that we would never even think of on our own and are probably exposing ourselves to daily. Like, I also miss eating caesar salads--but those are off limits while pregnant, due to caesar dressing being made with a raw egg. (Apparently it's no different than eating cookie dough--crazy!)

I've gained another two pounds, making a total of seven since I've been pregnant. People who don't see me naked (LOL) still can't tell I'm pregnant. I've heard that with your first pregnancy you're the least likely to show because the uterus has never expanded before. My clothes are still tight but wearable; maternity clothes still too big.

Well it's been an hour-and-a-half since I've eaten so you know what that means: I better head to the kitchen so that I don't have a repeat of yesterday!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Morning Sickness--No, All-Day Sickness!

This was originally written on Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The past four weeks have been the sickest weeks of my life. In fact, within a day or two of my last post, I entered the worst week of my pregnancy. I wasn't able to get out of bed at all during weeks 8 & 9. It was so awful, I spent a couple of days in tears, praying to God to please relieve my sickness. I also listened to soothing music and practiced relaxation exercises and positive visualization (imagining the sickness leaving my body). It helped. . .although I wasn't cured. I had some better days after that (I've been able to go to the grocery store once since then but not any more than that because I was constantly worried I was going to throw up w/out making it to the restroom.) However, for every good day, I seem to have many more bad days that follow.

For example, last week I was so sure I was finally done with the sickness. I had four completely nausea-free days in a row (a record for the past six weeks). So, my stepgrandparents came over to see our new house on Saturday, but although it was a fairly relaxing weekend (all we did was visit the model homes in our area, go out to eat, and then play cards before going to bed), I had a terrible night's sleep. I was so uncomfortable with both a headache and severe nausea. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I threw up for the first time in nine days. (I've thrown up eight times over the past six weeks which is miserable, but not as miserable as the 24/7 nausea.) I continued to be nauseated all day, as well as on Monday and Tuesday.

This morning I am feeling better, although still vulnerable. Aside from the sickness, though, my pregnancy is still going well. I had my appointment with the nurse on October 8th and she did a ton of tests, all which came back good. She also gave me an overview of everything and some gifts.

Right now I'm in the not-so-fun stage where you just feel bloated/fat rather than pregnant. All of my clothes are now too tight, but maternity clothes make me look a lot bigger than I am. Still, I knew I needed something for the day (probably soon) when I can't get anything on. So, last Friday, Joe went with me to the mall to buy a few items. I bought two tops that will work for this stage and give me room to grow, as well as one regular shirt & pair of jeans just in a bigger size. Joe joked that I can save money and just wear his jeans rather than buy in the future. He tossed me a pair and told me to try them on. I did, assuming they'd be all big & baggy.

Um, no, they fit. In fact, I tried on all of his jeans and two pairs were snug! My mouth dropped open and I was like, "we wear the same size now?!" I then told him to see how far he could get my new pair of jeans on. Sure enough, they totally fit him. Yeah, with thirty pounds as being the recommended amount for nine months, it's inevitable I'm going to be weighing more than him in no time.

Pregnancy sure is an experience! Don't get me wrong, I'm still excited and appreciative of being able to have this opportunity to have a biological child. . .but I can't say pregnancy is on my top list of life's enjoyable experiences like it is for some women. It hasn't been pleasant even on my best days--aside from the moment I saw the ultrasound. Until now, Joe and I had planned to have our two children so they'd be exactly two years apart. I've decided it'll be more like four years apart because my body is going to need a break (and I haven't even gotten to the labor yet)! I told Joe that I don't care if he's going with me, but after the baby is 9 mos. old I'm taking a vacation to a beach!!!

At least Joe has been wonderful to me during this time. He even called me a "real trooper" yesterday and has been commenting about how strong I am--that is a big deal because Joe isn't easily impressed by people! But he said he could never think I was weak.

Fortunately, everyone says the second trimester is much better. Not only does the nausea usually go away, but you get a surge of energy, and rather than feel depressed you feel super happy. Plus, next month is pretty special as far as that's when women usually feel the baby move/kick, people can see the baby bump, and you can find out the sex! These are the things that keep me going, as well as picturing my little boy/girl and preparing/reading about parenthood.

I'm glad that I'm not alone. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book about her pregnancy called Belly Laughs that could have been written about ME! Even though it contains bad language, I'm closing this blog with my favorite excerpt. . . .

As anyone who has ever endured it knows, the term 'morning sickness' is bullshit. Morning has very little to do with it.

For me, it started in the morning and went straight through the night. The label 'morning' must have been thought up by a man who thought it was all in our heads and hoped that limiting the definition would make us all shut up by noon.

Well, I don't think so, buddy! I say, come on over to my house around 5 pm so I can heave on you.

Some women I know have had this worse than others. Some have puked every fifteen minutes all day long and others just a few times a day.

I consider myself to have had it even harder than the pukers. I was in a constant state of queasiness that would cause me to gag or dry-heave. You know that second before you throw up where your mouth gets really watery and you start to sweat and you do that horrible run to the bathroom hoping to just get it out so you don't have to feel that anymore?

That was me.....ALL DAY. I was stuck in that in-between state where nothing would come out. I would just stare at the toilet sweating and praying to the procelain God not to let me dwell any longer in puke purgatory. I would have sold my soul for one of two options: Either let me puke or let me feel better.

Going to the grocery store was a freakin' nightmare. I was terrified every time I had to go.

Celebrity life isn't all personal assistants and glamour, let me tell you. Oh yes, I do my own shopping. I would walk in pale and sweaty with my little list in my hand and run through the aisles. To me, the meat counter smelled like dead animals that had been left in the sun for a year. I would cringe and hold my sleeve up to my nose as I passed. Everything in that store disguested me. Strangers gawked at me as they saw me gagging in Aisle 3 holding up some cheese.

Its' hard having these symptoms in public when you don't look pregnant. If I were nine months along they would look at me like "oh look, poor little pregnant lady doesn't feel so good." Instead they looked at me as if to say,"Don't bulimics puke AFTER they eat?"

Television food commercials killed me. I loved them for cravings later on, but during this early stage I turned green when I saw someone eat a greasy cheeseburger or some Hamburger Helper.

You'd think with all this aversion to food that I would lose weight during this period.....nope. Instead I gained a lot. Probably because the only thing that I could get down was an entire loaf of white bread every day. As I would later find out from asking around the people who do lose weight during "morning sickness" eventually catch up to us fat pregnant women later. Fair's fair.

So if you succumb to becoming best friends with your toilet, don't fret. Just remember you're not alone. All women are right there with ya holding your hair up, cheering you on. For most of us, it all passes in a few long months. The max is nine months, I promise.

My Pregnancy Timeline

*To read my actual complete posts during my pregnancy, see the 2008 archives for August, September, and October.
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Before I continue copying my pregnancy posts here, I thought I'd share my pregnancy timeline from my journal (I recommend The Pregnancy Journal: A Day-To-Day Guide To A Healthy And Happy Pregnancy)!

August 17-19th, 2007: Conceived L.J.

August 23rd: I believe implantation occured

September 3rd: Took pregnancy test--positive!

September 5th: Had my annual exam; pregnancy was confirmed and hormone tests were taken.

On September 7th (five weeks pregnant): I began progesterone suppositories and felt I started showing (my hips seemed a little wider and my stomach wouldn't suck in). We announced the news to Joe's mom (and sister).

September 8th: Announced the news to my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom. (As well as my brother, Joe's other sister, and my grandparents.)

September 13th (six weeks pregnant): my first signs of morning sickness & fatigue (as well as craving chicken). No throwing up, but I spent most of the day in bed. Still no other pregnancy signs.

September 21st (seven weeks): Went to the doctor's office (appt #2) for my first ultrasound with Joe. Announced to everyone that we were pregnant!

September 25th (eight weeks pregnant): Began throwing up every now & then. Nausea was 24/7 by this point.

I scribled: Sometimes I get headaches and just feel really wiped out, but mainly I can't get comfortable because I'm always on the verge of throwing up. Not fun! I'm rethinking my next pregnancy. I'm going to need to wait a few more years and I'm only doing this one more time!

September 28th (eight weeks pregnant) I scribled: This was by far the worst day as far as all-day sickness. I spent four days this week in bed (so a total of 7 now) and was SO miserable today that between tears I prayed and prayed for this part of my pregnancy to PLEASE end! It's impossible to enjoy being pregnant right now. I have never felt worse in my life.

During this time I was craving cottage cheese.

October 1st: My face has really broken out and turned red & blotchy. It also looks rounder, maybe swollen?

October 8th (nine weeks pregnant): Doctor's appt. #3--Met with the nurse for official pre-natal appointment.

October 12th: Mood-Bad, Energy-Bad, Appetite-Major, Morning Sickness-Major, Cravings-Bad. I can't really write because I'm too sick. I spend the majority of my time in bed, unless I'm throwing up. I had no idea morning sickness could be this awful. I have tried everything but get no relief!

By October 18th I'd gained 4 lbs.

October 21st (11 weeks pregnant): I'm still horribly sick in bed 24/7. :-( My doctor said I'm a candidate for medication but a lot of people say this ends with the first trimester which is just one more week. . . All of my clothes are now tight so I went shopping a few days ago and bought my first maternity clothes. I don't need to wear them yet but at least I have them for when I can't fit into any of my clothes.

November 1st (almost 13 weeks): Doctor's appt. #4. I went by myself and heard the heartbeat for the very first time! It was 140 beats per minute. My doctor felt the size of my abdomen and said everything is going well and that a miscarriage at this point is extremely unlikely. No more need for progesterone.

November 2nd: Had gained 6 lbs. This past week I had a few days of being nausea-free! Even though I had a really bad headache on Halloween and threw up the next morning, I was feeling better than I had in two months.

November 9th (14 weeks): Unfortunately my all-day sickness has continued (my doctor said it doesn't usually turn off with a switch but rather gradually goes away) and I've started experiencing other symptoms such as sinus drainage, backaches, and still the acne. I've noticed my abs separating and can often times feel my stomach stretching. I'm looking forward to May when I can meet my little boy or girl and be able to see what's going on with him/her each day. I'm sure I'll miss my sleep, but I'm already getting a taste of sleep deprivation as I seem to wake up around 5 a.m. every morning--ICK. I don't know if insomnia is another symptom of pregnancy or what. Hopefully I'll return to normal sleep patterns soon!

November 23rd (16 weeks) was the last day I threw up during my pregnancy--and the end to any sickness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd gained 8 lbs.

November 29th: Doctor appt. #5! Joe went with me this time to hear the heartbeat. Our baby was really active--my doctor had to chase it around my belly, haha!

December 5th I'd gained 10 lbs.

On December 7th: People can finally tell I'm pregnant. I'm still not in maternity clothes but I am wearing bigger sizes. I seem to be growing rapidly now. The weight gain is uncomfortable but I know it's necessary. I'm craving cheese spread and meatballs. I'm so glad to finally be done with the all-day sickness and to have energy again! Also, I no longer have acne--my skin and hair have never looked better!

December 14th (19 weeks): Felt my baby kick for the first time!

December 18th: Doctor appt. #6. Our second ultrasound (we found out we were having a BOY)! My due date was moved to May 9th. Mood--Excellent! Energy--Excellent! Appetite--Excellent! Morning Sickness--N/A Cravings--N/A.

December 21st (my birthday) I'd gained 12 lbs. I never thought I'd say this, but I need to buy some "D" bras!!!!

January 1st (New Year's Day 2008) I'd gained 14 lbs.

On January 3rd (almost 22 weeks) Doctor appt. #7. We were told our baby is more active than most! I wasn't surprised--he kicked all of the time, every hour! Joe felt L.J. kick for the first time the previous week. I started to feel exhausted again, and never had a good night's sleep the rest of my pregnancy. I also began having pain in different areas of my body for the rest of my pregnancy.

January 9th I'd gained 16 lbs. That day I scribled: I'm experiencing A LOT of back pain and severe fatigue again.

January 14th I'd gained 18 lbs.

February 1st: Doctor appt. #8. My appt. was mischeduled by the receptionist so it took two hours from when I arrived to when I left! Fortunately Joe came with me which kept me company. L.J.'s heartbeat was between 140-150 beats per minute, as it always has. I'm measuring farther along than May 9th. . .more like May 2nd! We started childbirth classes last night; they end March 9th.

February 3rd I'd gained 22 lbs.

During my 27/28th weeks of pregnancy I was sick with the flu; had gained 24 lbs by February 18th.

February 22nd (29 weeks): Doctor appt. #9. My blood glucose test. Came back perfect. Unfortunately, I had been having menstrual-like cramps for 48 hours and so my doctor did a few tests on me to make sure I wasn't going into pre-term labor. Turns out it was a yeast infection! (Common during pregnancy.) I was given a prescription and in 24 hours it was gone and I was back to normal.

March 7th: Doctor appt. #10. She predicted L.J. will be 7 lbs at birth. I'm really glad that despite this being a difficult pregnancy for me, L.J. has always done really well!

March 8th: I've been feeling wonderful lately, better than at any other time in my pregnancy! (March was indeed my best month, December second, and all the rest tied for last place.) Had gained 26 lbs.

March 17th (32 weeks): Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm pretty sure L.J. turned to head down last night so that is good news. I think that he's facing front, though. Had gained 28 lbs.

March 21st: Was supposed to have a doctor's appt. but I canceled because she was on vacation.

April 2nd (34 weeks): I'd gained 30 lbs. I really hope labor is near. (Once I get to 36 weeks L.J. won't be considered premature and so it's fine for him to come any time.) I experienced a little spotting and I've started having Braxton-Hicks which can be downright painful. I don't feel my stomach can get any bigger--it feels stretched to the max. It's 41 inches (normally I'm a size 6)!

April 4th: Doctor's appt. #11. L.J.'s heartbeat was the lowest it's ever been (130 beats per minute) but apparently that is fine for this stage. She said I am measuring big again--now as if I'm due the end of April! She's going to be on vacation the week of my real due date, so I hope I go into labor before then!

April 9th: Mood--Not good again, Energy--Low again, Appetite--Has decreased a lot because there's no breathing room!

April 13th (36 weeks): I have been depressed this week. I gained 7 lbs in 7 days which now makes me at 40 lbs total gained. I thought I might have high blood pressure because my feet are really swollen and the past few days I haven't been able to feel them and they hurt when I wake up in the morning, but I had it checked and I don't. Clearly I have fluid retention, although I've also been craving ice cream and eating it non-stop because it's the only thing that feels good in my stomach!

April 15th: I had my check-up and my doctor said I am between 3-4 cm dilated!!! She is confident this baby is going to come before my due date. She was concerned about him being big, though, and scheduled an ultrasound which came back with him at 7 lbs (whew--that's average) but w/ some above average amniotic fluid. She also did the strep test which I later found out was negative. The rest of that day I had menstrual-like cramps.

April 16th: I forced myself to go for a long walk just to see if there's any truth to it prompting labor. . .since then I've had more menstrual-like cramps!

April 17th: I think I lost my mucus plug! It happened so fast--I turned around to flush the toilet after going pee and noticed a brown/red clump going down! I wish I could have studied it closer to be sure, haha! No cramps, though, just feeling very fatigued and BLAH. Total weight gain: 42 lbs.

April 18th, 2008 (the day I turned 37 weeks pregnant): My water broke in bed at 1:53 AM! An hour later I arrived to the hospital and my contractions began. I'd chosen to do HypnoBirthing (natural techniques) and within three hours I was fully dilated and began pushing. It took four more hours (due to L.J. being face up), but my son entered the world at 10:30 AM weighing 7 lbs, 13.7 oz, and was 20.5 inches long! My doctor rocked. When do I get to do this again? :-)

Our First Ultrasound

This was originally written on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at eight weeks pregnant:
Our ultrasound appointment on Friday went flawlessy!

I met Joe at my doctor's office at 1:30 pm and we were taken to a room with the ultrasound machine. The entire process took only 5-10 minutes. It was super easy and quick. (Although it wasn't the kind that they do during the second and third trimester where they put gel on your abdomen and look that way. . .this was. . .internal.)

I was bummed my doctor wasn't there, nor was my nurse--apparently that's only during the actual prenatal appointment which I thought I was going to have that day, too, but the receptionist misunderstood and only scheduled me for the ultrasound. So I have to go back on October 8th to have my hour long appointment with the nurse.

The ultrasound technician doesn't anticipate a miscarriage for me because usually when that happens there are signs ahead of time. Not only have I not had any spotting (which can be normal, too), the heartbeat was powerful and the spine & organs were a healthy size, everything was in the right place, etc. She put my due date at May 13, 2008 (the day after Mother's Day). Aside from what I wrote in my last blog, that is also good for getting the baby "out and about" when the weather is nice, rather than cooped up all winter.

It was absolutely amazing to see the baby's heartbeat. There are no words to describe how special and miraculous that moment was. I never could have imagined how it would feel before I was pregnant--I'm not sure anything can top it. It was a hugely important piece of time in Joe & my life that we will never forget. We made a human being together!

Until that day, the experience hadn't seemed real. It had been hard to get my mind around the fact that a baby was growing inside of me. That pretty soon my belly will start protuding and then a baby will come out to join Joe & my life! But then I saw it on the monitor--alive and moving! Tears poured down my face. It was for real! This person will be a part of history. A new part of our family tree. All because of Joe & me. Love poured out of me for this tiny little thing that fluttered on the screen. Love already for my little boy or girl.

Joe was so quiet, I couldn't tell what he was thinking--but it definitely hit him that day as well. Until then we both logically knew it was real, but emotionally it hadn't sunk in. Now I can tell he's been bit by the love bug, too :-)

After the appointment, I wanted to celebrate, but I was still feeling like I had been run over by a bus, so it was another lazy Friday night. I had thought I might throw up that morning--and I'd even stood over the toilet for a while because I felt sooooo nauseated--but the feeling passed. The rest of the day I was running on adrenaline after getting to take home a picture of the ultrasound. Joe and I rented Mr. Mom and then I finally crashed.

Saturday was my third day for being in bed all day. I figured I had probably pushed myself too hard on Friday, but I had missed being a part of the land of the living!!! I've continued to take 1-2 hr naps every day which are nice because I am not sick when I'm asleep. (I go to bed between 9-10 every night and usually sleep until 8-9:30 am.) I've tried to go for a few walks with Joe around our new neighborhood in the evenings, but I usually end up feeling worse afterwards, so I get my fresh air by sitting out on the deck about a half an hour each day and do the only reading I can.

I do look forward to when I can get some exercise again, though. Two of the days I did a pilates video, but I (shock) miss being able to do my aerobics videos. However, my body is obviously using all of its energy right now for the baby, so I don't want to force myself to do anything it doesn't want to and jeopardize the baby. I'm following all of the rules of my books, as far as what to eat, what not to eat, what vitamins to take, etc.--and the main words of wisdom: listen to your body. Mine is saying: become a zombie. :p

It helps me to think about how at least I'm getting time to myself to be able to just be in bed all day, even if I'm not exactly lying in a hammock drinking lemonade, because once I have a baby I'll probably wish I could have a day all to myself!

Unfortunately, though, it's not a "rejuvinating" feeling. Like, when you're sick with a virus, you have a day in bed and then you feel better. With this, it's on-going. The next day could be worse than the day before. Despite taking it incredibly easy the past two weeks, I actually feel less rested and more run down than I did two weeks ago. It's worse than any flu I've ever had. It reminds me more of mono, which I had my sophomore year of college. That bedrest lasted two weeks. But I'm afraid this all-day-sickness thing isn't over yet.

Sunday & Monday I was able to actually do the laundry and dishes, and I had some hours where I felt excellent. Those moments are almost euphoric because it occurs after I've been feeling really bad. But then another bad day usually follows--such as what happened on Tuesday. Let's just say I can no longer say that I didn't throw up.

It actually surprised me because I am not a thrower-upper. It's just not something I've done a whole lot in my life; I'm not usually affected that way. But, I woke up with Joe at 6 am and a couple of hours later I was standing over the toilet. I'm now keeping crackers by my bed because if I'm going to throw up again there better be something in my stomach because that freaking hurt! My chest was in so much pain and I even strained my jaw/ear area so that was in pain all day, too!

So I was miserable yesterday--it was my 4th time for being bedridden all day--and it was the worst day so far. I just keep having to picture that little heart beating on the ultrasound last Friday to get me through it. I know it is a good sign that my body is reacting to the changes and growth of the baby (studies show that women with morning sickness generally have healthier babies), but I feel like all I'm doing every day is counting down the days until my second trimester when this will hopefully end. I wish that I could wake up every day and enjoy this time! I pray I will soon.

There are some women who throw up non-stop all day for 9 months and have to be on medication and hospitalized, so at least I'm still keeping food down--although I'm getting sick of crackers because that has taken over my diet.

I never realized that not only is it good to plan when to have a baby, it's good to plan when to be pregnant. You have to be able to afford being sick! At least this isn't a super busy time of the year. I should be better by the holidays and able to participate. Hopefully I can make up for these months during those months. There's so much I want to do to prepare!!!

Today wasn't much better than yesterday. I was in bed all of the day again, but got online mid-afternoon to e-mail. In the middle of a message I had to run to the bathroom to throw up for my second time. So the computer is still out for me. (This is another blog I've been writing with many breaks inbetween.) I'm taking ginger pills, drinking liquids not with meals, and taking my prenatal vitamins with meals (all recommended to help with morning sickness), but I can't tell if they're making a difference or not.

Fortunately, I haven't had a problem with cooking (or smells) since my first day of morning sickness a couple of weeks ago. Nor have I had any more intense cravings, aside from peppers one day (I found a frozen supreme pizza that did the trick). The problem also is no longer my head--I don't know when it officially moved to my stomach but that's 100% where it is now.

Anyway, I'll blog again next chance I get--as in, next time I have some energy and can move around without feeling nauseous. . .:/

Finding Out We Were Having A Baby

I originally wrote this on Thursday, September 20, 2007 at seven weeks pregnant:

I'm PREGNANT!!!!! AHHHHH!!!! I still can't believe it! Each day it sinks in 1% more, but Joe & I are definitely not 100% there yet! Tomorrow we have our first ultrasound, so maybe it will hit me the rest of the way then. If the doctor says all is well then I'll announce the news to everyone tomorrow. :-)

We are so happy and excited! And surprised! We learned the news just five days after moving into our new house--I can't believe how perfect the timing!

We had actually planned to put "trying" on hold from August until January. Our first real try was May, but between Joe's new job, looking for a new house, buying the house, putting our old house up for sale, selling the house, and moving into our new house--we knew the odds were against us. We decided we might as well wait until our lives slowed down.

But then. . .on August 12th I went to a baby shower. :-) I was in total baby mode when I got into my car to leave. I decided I'd make a little stop to the store and buy just one more box of the ovulation predictor kit--and for the first time I didn't tell Joe, he-he! We were busy packing that week and so I kind of forgot about it (I wasn't anywhere near as excited to do it as I'd been the previous months).

I guess some things are just meant to be, because on Friday, August 17th, I had a hair appointment and then went to the grocery store. It seemed that there was a pregnant woman in every aisle--I'm not kidding! I felt like I was on some comedy show or something because everywhere I looked were pregnant women! I wondered if this was some sort of sign, haha. So, I took the test when I got home that day. It was my third time for finding out exactly when I ovulate (because I'm very irregular) and so the other two months I'd gone through two boxes each month. But this time it was positive on my very first test!

I was relieved I wouldn't have to be testing for the rest of the month, but I wouldn't say that I was hopeful of getting pregnant that weekend. Anyone who has tried to get pregnant for a few months knows that the excitement wears off fast. You get tired of getting your hopes up and you start assuming it's never going to happen. Even though I had been checked out by my doctor and assured that everything looked good (I even had surgery two years ago and she'd said I looked healthier inside than most), I was starting to think we'd have to do fertility treatments. We'd even planned on making an appt. for Joe which he was NOT looking forward to, so he's super glad that didn't end up happening (plus we saved $200)!

Yeah, yeah, I know most of you are thinking: OMG-this was your third real try?! Patience, Andrea! But honestly none of us know (until we have children) which group we're going to be in. Since I wasn't getting pregnant on the first try like some people, how could I not wonder if I was in the group that can't get pregnant at all? I had never been able to picture myself pregnant or having a baby and so I wondered if that was because it wasn't meant to be.

So, that weekend wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Joe & I went out to Godfather's Pizza on Friday night. The next day we packed (and Jake & Melissa brought over boxes for us). We also rented the movies Disturbia and Music & Lyrics. On Sunday Jake came over and we worked on touching up the paint on the outside of the house. At some point during the weekend Joe was like, "Wait a second, is this your ovulating time?" Haha, I teased him that I hadn't told him prior to see if it made a difference. . .hmm!

Other than a passing thought, I never believed I had gotten pregnant that week. The only day I considered it was on Thursday, August 23rd. (Now I'm convinced that was the day of implantation, since it occurs 5-10 days after conception.) The day before I had slept for twelve hours (even a lot for me, haha) and felt like I could have kept on sleeping the rest of the day! Melissa & I went out for lunch to Blimpies and I told her "I might be pregnant" because for the past couple of days I hadn't experienced my normal cramps prior to my period.

After lunch, Joe & I had the walk-through of our new house and at one point I started to feel like I was going to faint. Never in my life have I fainted, and so I had the strong sense that something weird (unlike ever before) was going on inside of my body. Joe told me later I kept saying "a-huh" to the guy speaking to us--that's because I had to work really hard to focus on what he was saying!

However, I brushed off all suspicion that evening when I had mild cramps! I thought, yep, I spoke too soon--I'm just having a lucky month (every now and then I will just have mild cramps rather than severe).

So, not for one second did I think again that I was pregnant. In fact, the previous months I'd "taken it easy" after ovulation "just in case." I'd tried to eat healthy, take my vitamins, not drink pop, and get plenty of rest. Joe and I had also analyzed every little sign as a possible pregnancy symptom. This month was the complete opposite! I was so sure I wasn't pregnant that I barely got any sleep over the next two weeks, overworked myself at packing (and unpacking--I even ran constantly with heavy boxes up and down our new steps), replaced meals with junkfood and coke, skipped three days of vitamins, and easily ignored any potential signs.

I guess it goes with that saying, "when you least expect it. . ." Because we couldn't have been more shocked. August was the most hectic month of the entire summer! Even when my period was late, I assumed it was just because of our move. If it hadn't been for the fact that I had my annual exam scheduled for Wednesday, September 5th, I probably wouldn't have even taken a pregnancy test when I did. Once again, it's funny this was the month it happened because the other months Joe & I would get so excited even before my period was scheduled to start that we would take an early pregnancy test. This month you could hardly drag me to do one!

When Monday (Labor Day), September 3rd came, I was just three days late but decided I better know whether I should cancel my doctor's appt. or not. I let the test sit out all day. I went grocery shopping that afternoon while Joe and his friend Nick installed our garage door opener. (And, I was still having cramps. I've since learned those are common during the first couple of months because the uterus isn't used to expanding so rapidly.) I should have picked up on the fact that in every aisle at the grocery store there seemed to be a mother with a baby! I am not exaggerating--never have I felt overwhelemd by pregnant women or babies so the two particular days these incidences happened were freaky!

That evening Joe & I took the dogs on a picnic, and then we ran into our neighbor (Jenn, who I had met on August 29th--the day we moved in--when she brought us to-die-for cookies to welcome us to the neighborhood)! After talking to her a bit we came inside and crashed on the couch. We started watching Dr. 90210 which we don't usually watch, but there was a woman who was going into labor. I told Joe I was glad I wasn't pregnant because it meant I'd get to wait that much longer before I had to experience one of the scariest moments of my life!

Joe asked me if I'd taken the test yet, to which I responded, "No, I know I'm not pregnant." He told me to take it anyway. I sighed and reluctantly went upstairs, assuming I'd be wasting yet another test. Instead, at approximately 9:40 pm, I experienced a life-changing moment which I will never forget!

In all of the months past, Joe & I would stand outside the door for the full two minutes and then look at the test together (but would only see one pink line). This time I was washing my hands and happened to quickly glance over at it, assuming it wouldn't be readable yet. I looked away so fast, unable to believe what I thought I'd seen. I didn't look back. I became stiff as a statue and went downstairs to where Joe was. My voice shook as I yelled, "Joe. . .JOE! You need to get your butt upstairs right now and help me look at this test!"

He gave me a look like, are you implying what I think you're implying?!

By now I was second guessing myself. Maybe I hadn't seen two pink lines. Or maybe I was getting confused and two lines wasn't pregnant. Or (LOL) maybe my body was mistaken--it just thought I was pregnant for some strange reason!

But, sure enough, Joe looked at the test and then raised his eyebrows at me. That was my confirmation. He looked nervous, but proud. :-) We hugged and then I started getting super hyper. I kept saying over and over, "Am I really pregnant?! No way! I can't be pregnant!" I ran all over the house and Joe was like, "You need to rest now, calm down!" Haha. I just couldn't believe it. I've always been one of the non-pregnant people in this world! How could I really ever be a mother?! I remember my own childhood like it was yesterday!

I called my doctor's office the next day to let them know that I had just found out I was pregnant (I thought they'd want me to cancel my appt., but they still wanted me to come in because they do an annual exam when you're pregnant, so they just decided to do mine earlier than most). My awesome doctor for the past four years confirmed I was indeed pregnant and did a couple of tests. One was to see if my hormone levels were where they were supposed to be if everything was progressing correctly at this stage--it was. The other was to see if I had low progesterone because my mom had four or five miscarriages due to that reason. The only reason she was able to have me--and I was over two months early--was because her doctor gave her progesterone supplements.

It turned out that I was a little low; they like the level to be 20 and mine was 16.9, so I was put on progesterone immediately which took away any concern I had of following my mom's pattern. Obviously I can still have a miscarriage, but it won't be for that reason which is apparently the #1 reason for all miscarriages. So I feel it was kind of a miracle that I had that appt. already scheduled (in all of the years past I've gone in May or June) because normally they don't allow you to come in until you're seven or eight weeks along--and most miscarriages happen before then.

Speaking of which, I had no idea the pregnancy calendar starts the first day of your last period, so when they talk about how far along pregnant women are, they are really starting with their last cycle. So even though I had conceived 2.5 weeks prior to my annual exam, they informed me that I was already at 4.5 weeks (done with my first month)! I think that's so weird! There's so much to learn!

My doctor set up my first ultrasound for Friday, September 21st (which means the fetus will be five weeks old, but it will be "week seven" of my pregnancy). I am really excited to see what's been growing inside of me for over the past month! It's insane to think that my body knows what to do on its own. It's been creating a human being!!! WOW!!!! Life is really miraculous, huh?!?!

The baby is due Mother's Day weekend [or on May 13th] 2008, isn't that sweet? :-) I'm happy I won't be pregnant during the summer. Ever since I was a little girl I haven't wanted a summer baby. Originally, it was because most of my friends have always had summer birthdays and they didn't like them because they were either older or younger than their classmates and they didn't get to participate in classroom birthday parties with treats and stuff. Once I became an adult the reason was more for my comfort level. I don't handle heat very well and have heard that pregnancy makes almost any woman severely uncomfortable and sensitive to heat. My ideal months to have children have always been between November and April, but May is fine. I still might be a little uncomfortable in the heat if I have "baby weight" on me, but maybe summer will motivate me to lose it faster because I won't be able to hide beneath winter clothing.

Anyway, we had already scheduled to go back to Iowa that weekend for Joe's mom's birthday (which is actually on September 11th), and so it was the perfect time to tell everyone the news! Sandi's been wanting us to have a baby for a while, so we figured it'd forever be one of her favorite birthday gifts :-) We had taken pictures of the positive pregnancy tests (Joe had wanted me to do another test the next morning even though I told him there were no false positives) and I found a frame for Joe's mom that said "Great Moms Are Promoted to Grandmas" and one for my mom that had Noah's Ark as the border.

We went to Joe's mom's house that Friday night (September 7th) where his sister from California was also visiting, so it was nice she could be involved as well. His mom was thrilled to be the first person to learn of the news. (On Sunday we also called Joe's other sister who lives in Colorado to share with her & her family.)

On Saturday afternoon (September 8th) we drove to my mom & stepdad's house and went out to lunch at an art gallery. It was hilarious--my mom opened the gift and she just kept talking about the frame: "oh how pretty," look at this look and that, etc. This went on for a good couple of minutes and I was thinking, what in the world? This isn't how I thought she'd react! Then all of a sudden she just stopped talking in mid-sentence and stared at the picture! She looked at me with a confused expression and I started laughing, which verified what she was thinking. She was totally surprised--it was priceless!

Apparently she hadn't paid much attention to the picture at first because she assumed it was whatever the frame company had put in as a standard photo. But then she thought that was a strange picture (her first impression was that it was spatulas!) and so when she looked closer she realized it wasn't an automatic photo nor was it of kitchen utensils! My mom and stepdad were happy--it will be their first grandchild since they have no other children besides me.

I told my dad & stepmom a little differently when Joe and I went over to their house that late afternoon/early evening to catch up and ride in their boat on their lake. I had a stack of photos I'd already planned to give to them and so I put the pregnancy tests at the end. I told them to look at the pics together, but my dad went to sit down after seeing just a couple, and told my stepmom to pass them to him when she was done. I was like, "No, Dad, why don't you look at them at the same time." Haha.

He said later that he thought something was up, but he didn't expect it to be pregnancy-related! He went back over to my stepmom and they went through the photos and then at the same time their faces broke into smiles and my stepmom laughed and said to my dad, "You know what this is, right?" So I knew they'd come to that picture! They were happy, too. :-)

At that time it didn't seem at all real to Joe & me. I hadn't had any side effects (in fact, I was feeling excellent) and so I was hoping I would be one of the lucky women who doesn't experience morning sickness and says pregnancy is the best time of their life and they've never felt better.

I've since discovered I'm not one of those women :p

We went back to Joe's mom's house on Sat. night, and on Sun. morning I woke up feeling dizzy. It was like the room was spinning from 8:30 am to 1:30 pm. I didn't feel sick, but it was uncomfortable and unlike anything I'd ever experienced for no reason.

I was fine by that afternoon, though, and so I told my brother the news, as well as my grandparents and a couple of friends.

I continued to be GREAT until Thursday, September 13th. At six weeks pregnant, I officially began to experience morning sickness and lack of energy. It's been a week since then and I haven't thrown up yet (so I'm hoping that means I won't), but that day was absolutely horrible. I was in bed all day, feeling incredibly nauseated. I actually woke up at 4:30 am because I was craving chicken (I guess that was my first craving). I'm not talking about being in the mood for chicken--I'm saying this was a life or death situation--I needed chicken! I kept thinking, this is ridiculous, go back to sleep. But I couldn't. Visions of chicken floated in my head. :p

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and went to the kitchen to see if we had any chicken. We did: a box of diced grilled chicken chunks! I also found hashbrowns and so I made myself an early breakfast.

Joe heard me moving around downstairs and thought maybe I was sick or that something was wrong. Instead, he found me standing over the stove cooking. He started laughing and was like, "What are you doing?" I told him I wanted some chicken. He's like, "Yep, you're pregnant."

Yeah. . .never in my life have I gotten up in the middle of the night to eat! But I enjoyed my chicken and hashbrowns and went back to bed about 6:30 am. I woke up for good at 8:30--and that's when I thought I was going to throw up. I tried to take a shower and go about my day, but realized that I simply couldn't. I'm not sure how to explain it, other than I just felt BAD.

Around 12:30 I was hungry again and decided to fix a cheese pasta in tomato sauce mixture over the stove. For those of you who don't already know, I don't have a sense of smell due to head injuries as a child. And yet, as I stirred the food, the spices went up my nose and the most powerful nausea overtook me. I ran to the bathroom, but thankfully it had passed once I left the kitchen. I told Joe it looks like he's going to have to do the cooking for a while.

I've since learned that smells are often worse for pregnant women than actually eating. That appears to be my case as well, since I haven't had any trouble with my stomach or eating (in fact, I've been starving and scared I'm eating too much too soon; I've already gained two pounds because I'm hungry non-stop), but instead it's like my head is making me sick. I'm nauseous because my head is nauseous, if that makes any sense. I tried to sit out on the deck to eat the lunch (by the time the food was ready, my appetite was gone) and get some fresh air, but I ended up just going back to bed until 4:30 pm.

Finally, I got up to get a drink of water and felt I could walk without feeling like I was going to throw up. So I went downstairs to check my e-mail. . .but less than five minutes later I felt sick again. I've since discovered I can't be at the computer for more than a few minutes because it makes everything worse. (I've been writing this blog with many breaks in between.)

Joe arrived home at 5:30 pm and I suggested we go for a walk--maybe that would help me feel better.

I have a new appreciation for women who go through with pregnancies even if they are unmarried and/or the baby is unplanned. I've always admired women who step up to the plate to raise their children even if it's not their ideal time, or go through the pregnancy but give their baby up for adoption, and knowing what I know now as far as how horrible you feel while pregnant it's an even bigger deal! Even I have a hard time being happy (focusing on the end result) when I'm feeling miserable. And here I have a wonderful husband, am able to stay at home in bed all day rather than go to an office, and have been taking my time getting ready for this moment. I'd be lying if I said the thought "is this worth it?" hasn't gone through my head. But then moments when I'm feeling well (such as now) I think about that little boy or girl that's going to be a combination of Joe & me and I get soooo giddy! I am actually glad I didn't get pregnant on my first try because I don't take this pregnancy for granted. I appreciate it even more--it seems so special and miraculous--and I can answer myself with certainty, "yes, it's worth it. I want to meet & know this soul!"

Anyway, at first I started to feel better on the walk last Thursday (we stopped by Jenn's and gave her back the container from her cookies), but on the way home felt bad again. Still, I was hungry for supper and so I had the rest of the chicken and hashbrowns. . .and then felt wonderful! Not just normal, but terrific from 6:30 pm on! I tried to be productive that evening because I was scared when I woke up on Friday that I would have a repeat of Thursday. Fortunately, I didn't but I lost ALL of my energy by 2 pm that day. For the rest of the afternoon/night I felt I'd been run over by a bus. I was sooo exhausted. I wasn't nauseous, but I didn't have energy to do anything.

This feeling remained the entire weekend. Since then I've been going to bed at 9:30 pm every night and sleeping until 8 am. That's when it started to hit me a little that I'm really pregnant. It was as if something else had taken over my body. . .yeah that's right! Everything I was feeling was so unique and unusual to anything I'd ever experienced before.

On Friday night Joe & I rented She's Having a Baby which was the perfect movie for us to watch. (It's an old 80's movie with Kevin Bacon.)

On Saturday ISU beat Iowa so that was a good day.

On Sunday morning my dad came over. . .and the Chicago Bears won--yeay!

Monday I felt lazy all day. . .and then Tuesday was a repeat of last Thursday: another all-day nausea that forced me to be in bed this time all of the way until Wednesday morning. :-( I felt better when I woke up and so I went to the grocery store for the first time since Labor Day--but not long after I came home I had a splitting headache that didn't go away until I went to sleep last night. I'd been taking naps every day for a couple of hours and don't know if it's because I skipped yesterday or what, but what I thought was going to be a better day didn't turn out to be.

Today I felt good, just really tired. I've discovered what's on all of the TV channels during the day. :p Nothing worth mentioning.

I've started reading books, but haven't begun to prepare for the baby yet--that's still too scary right now! When I had my annual exam, my doctor was like, "Now are you thinking, oh no there's no backing out now?" I was like, "Exactly!" It's crazy that this was our goal and yet now that it's here, it's like, OMG! What once seemed a slow process happened plenty fast! She said that's how the majority feels, even her (she has three little girls, the last two are twins)! But what if I'm not ready after all? I really haven't been around that many babies in my life, so I'm pretty clueless! (Same with Joe, although I have no doubt he'll be a wonderful father. That's half of why I'm having a kid, actually. We need more people like him in the world. Our child will be lucky to have him as their dad.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time. Or, really, one hour at a time. Each day is a new surprise. Tomorrow Joe is going to meet me at my doctor's office at 1:30 pm, so I'm praying the baby is healthy and that everything is going well!