The Conclusion Of Fussiest Week

This was originally written on Wednesday, January 21, 2009:

PART THREE OF MY THREE DAYS IN A ROW BLOGGING:
Logan's fussy week appears to be over!!!! Man, yesterday was tough! Nothing seemed to please him. Once he awoke from his nap he wouldn't let me move more than two inches away from him. He even took another two hour nap later that day. . .and get this: he slept TWELVE AND A HALF HOURS, no interruptions, straight through the night last night! So whatever it was was cured with sleep! All naps yesterday & today, and bed last night, were without any complaints (we just put him in his crib and that was that)!

When I woke up at 8:30 this morning I about had a heart attack. We put him to bed at 8 last night! Joe was still getting ready for work because we both rarely sleep past 6:30 these days due to that being Logan's normal wake up time. I was like, "Have you been up with Logan since he went to bed last night?" Joe shook his head and said, "No, I was thinking maybe I should check on him!" So we both rushed to his room like maniacs, lol. As soon as I opened the door Logan awoke :p

This entire day he's been an angel! Moments when I'm sure he's going to get upset, he hasn't--whereas from last Wednesday thru yesterday it seemed like the littlest thing made him incredibly mad. I guess this is good to remember next time there's a bad day. For every fussy day there's going to be days where he is absolutely perfect.

Except for the fact that he's still not nursing. I tried every hour yesterday and today to no avail. I thought for sure today he would (since whatever was the cause of his fussiness is over)--but nope, he has absolutely no interest whatsoever. Without even realizing it, our last time happened on Monday morning (January 19--ironically one day after his 9 month birthday).

We had his 9 month check-up today and our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for many 9 month olds. As they get more independent they learn that they really don't need "the breast." Obviously nutrition-wise he has his cups/bottles & solids, and he is letting me know he feels secure & content without me. That's a GREAT sign of development. Our pediatrician said that it is something to feel really good about--that I fulfilled Logan to the point that he can now move forward on his own. It's my first of many-to-come moments when I get to let him go, because I made him capable. When babies wean, they are "letting mom know the job is done."

So I'm not going to force it anymore. The main thing that I wanted to remember from that book the other day was to pay attention to Logan's cues and to respond accordingly because that will have the best effects for both of us as we go through life together. (I'm not talking about letting him have whatever he wants--I'll explain exactly what this means when I write my "book report," lol.)

So now begins MY weaning so that I'm not in pain for the next two weeks (how long it takes to dry up if you stop cold turkey). I've been been pumping 3 times a day, 6 oz each time, so now I'm going to stop pumping once I get 5 oz each time, then in a couple of days stop at 4 oz, then a couple of days after that 3 oz, then 2 oz. . .and then my breasts should be empty if they aren't already by then! In the meantime, Logan will still get to have breastmilk in a bottle. (We're also to give him 4 oz. of water every day in a sippy cup--and, yep, he can eat our food now--exciting!)

"Surprisingly," I'm "surprised" that the end happened like this, but I can't think of a better way: it's like Logan thanked me for nursing as long as he needed it, but he's a "big boy" now. This is evident as he has now started walking if he's holding on to something. For example, when he pulls himself up to our table or the baby gate or his jungle toy, he can take steps in a row to move from one side to the other!!!

I told my mom that I'd never noticed such a change in Logan during one single month as I did during month 8. My parents saw him at Christmas and I told them they are going to definitely notice a difference when they stop by this Sunday on their way to Key West for a vacation. Except for last week when he was really needy (and I gave him that, as he needed me extra for some reason), he had been going around our house clearly with his own thoughts & ideas, playing with his toys on his own with a purpose (actually "talking" and looking for certain particular toys), climbing all over our furniture (we're having to be "proper" parents now and eat our meals at the kitchen table because otherwise Logan will take our food!), even pounding on doors that are closed because he knows he's been in the rooms before(!), and he could care less where I was. Today he's back to doing that!

Maybe he suddenly realized his own independence and that's what scared him this past week, but I reminded him that I am there for him and that gave him the confidence to return.

Our pediatrician said this is the age of "object permanence" where they realize what's around them and are very sensitive to the presence or absence of everything. He also said that as they get older they often do act more bothered by their teeth because they are more "aware" of pain--so that would explain why he wasn't fussy with his other teeth coming in, but this last one (last Wed.) he was--and maybe as that tooth has gotten bigger/longer it's continued to hurt which explains the days following. I also see some buds next to his bottom two now, so it's very possible he's feeling those as well. Geeze, if they come in this month that's 6 teeth in a month--no wonder! (The red cheeks last Thurs. are also sometimes a symptom of teething. So I'll try the different stuff I gave him last week one more time and if he has the same reaction then I know he's allergic and won't give them to him again. Also, I forgot to mention last Wed & Thurs he had baby food mac & cheese for the first time, first half one day and second half the next.)

The doctor said he's in top health; he came out to be 22 lbs-2 ounces and is 29.5 inches long. And his head is in the 55th percentile! (On average it's been in the 10th, lol, but now we're moving up! As I predicted, everything else was the 75th; usually it's the 90th.)

Logan wasn't tested for anemia because that's standard at the 12 month appt. and he was pretty certain Logan isn't anemic. (Joe had said this morning that I just think he looks pale because it's winter, haha, well our pediatrician said the same thing! :p His skin pigmentation has just lightened up a lot from when he was born, his color is pretty average for a caucasion rather than dark like it was in the beginning).

Doc also is willing to bet the night screams were in fact due to the night terrors/nightmares I mentioned in yesterday's post. He said all babies this age change to an adult sleep pattern, which means our same dream cycles. Just as we were surprised that Logan could have "bad dreams" as a newborn (when he's so happy in every-day-life), he said it often surprises parents that 9 month olds can have nightmares--but they do and it's perfectly healthy for some kids because it shows their brain is in high development. So now if he does start waking up again in the night I'm going to wait and see if he calms himself back to sleep after a couple of minutes. . .hopefully he will because otherwise now that he's not nursing anymore I'm not sure anything we do will put him back to sleep in 90 seconds like that always did :/

I'm really hoping that since he stopped nursing and slept 12.5 hrs without waking up all within the same time-frame that the two fit together--i.e. he doesn't need the comfort in the night anymore because he's now capable of having the same kind of nights we do. Of course even as adults we all have "bad nights" every now & then and so there may be times when he does need me to come in and hold him or whatever--if that's the case I'm not going to deny him that! But if he acts like he doesn't want us (which a few times the past week was the case) then I will follow his cues.

But for now, Logan appears back to normal. . .and speaking of the little guy, he's waking up from his nap now!

What A Night

This was originally written on Tuesday, January 20, 2009:

This is an update/continuation from yesterday, where I said that we are having a weird week -- I don't know what's causing my son's sudden change in behavior from easy to fussy.

Despite the title of today's post, Logan was not that bad during the night. He only woke up once (at 1 am). The problem was that we ended up being awake for a full hour!!! Yes, I know I can't complain since it's only the fifth time since he was two weeks old that we've lost sleep being up with him (i.e. the other nights he's woken up since then it's only been 2-5 minutes)--my frustration & exhaustion is because he refused to nurse! There was only one other day in his life that he resisted the breast and that was a week before he turned 5 months old (I mentioned it in my post titled, My Son's Fifth Month). Just like this week, he'd been fussy all of that day -- those who read that post might remember we even fed Logan with a dropper so that he'd get 6 oz. of milk in a 24 hr period. He didn't get his first teeth for another month so I'm still not sure what caused that episode, but the good news was that he was back to normal the next day.

This time I'm not so sure. He had not been interested in nursing when we put him down at 8:30 last night (so Joe fed him a bottle of formula) and so my breasts were full. I was happy about this because it meant that my milk supply had improved since a couple of weeks ago when I could have easily stopped nursing without my body even caring. But my happiness quickly turned to despair when at 1 AM my breasts were engorged--as in seriously painful. Um, so pump, right?

Yeah. . .I'm an idiot. I said in my post, 9 Months Old (Next Week) that not only did I put my pump away on January 10th, but I threw away a couple of parts that were seriously yucky. As I was dropping them into the trash can, I hesitated. I remembered how after I threw away my nipple shields in October (because I hadn't used them since Logan was a couple of weeks old), I had the sores and could have benefited from them. I had told myself never to throw anything away again unless I was sure I'd never need it. But I thought about our entire journey with breastfeeding. . .there was simply no reason for me to pump ever again . . .so in the trash the parts went.

It never crossed my mind that Logan might not want to nurse when my breasts were full! (How ironic that in yesterday's post I said that we were free of problems in this area this week.)

I tried to hand pump for the first time, but that was not good enough. So, Joe got up and found my manual pump (which I hadn't used since Logan was two weeks old) and while I was crying he went to work. He put a piece of masking tape over the little valve that's usually covered in order for the pump to work. My hero! Although it was incredibly slow (don't waste your money on a manual pump--this was only the second time I'd ever used it)--I was able to get six ounces--whew!

Then, Logan, who was still up and refusing my breast drank the bottle! I had thought maybe it was my breastmilk, but nope, he went right back to sleep after that and slept until 7 this morning.

I was shocked to find that my breasts were painfully engorged again when I woke up! I think the past week of "whatever is going on" that has been causing Logan to wake up 4 times a night to breastfeed increased my milk supply! But he still wouldn't nurse this morning, so I used my fake manual again and got about 4 oz. which, once again, he drank in a bottle. I've continued to put him to the breast every hour but he arches his back, turns his head, and starts crying--clearly he doesn't want it. If he refuses the breast before bed this evening then I know even if I use my manual pump again my milk supply is going to go back down--to nothing. Maybe he's weaning himself??? He always seemed like he would nurse at night the rest of his life if he could!

I still have 5 bags of breastmilk left in the freezer so I'm thinking maybe I'll save those for the day he has surgery so that he gets breastmilk that day. . .but in the weeks until February 19th we might have to go all formula, as this week may end up being my last week for Logan getting fresh breastmilk. Then again, how many times have I thought the end was before? As always, we will see. . .

Since Logan did sleep the best he had in a week, I was hoping maybe he'd be back to his easy-going self today. . .but he was cranky all morning. :( I kept trying to put him down for a nap, but he refused his morning nap like the past two days. On Sunday night I'd taken a warm, relaxing bath with him for the first time because that was recommended in the book I mentioned yesterday. I'd never seen him so calm in my life! So, I decided to do that again today and it worked! I turned on my Plumb CD (the one I mentioned in My Birthday in the ER post, that has lyrics about being a mom) and we had mother-son bonding time, as that's where I always felt it the most when I was pregnant (I'd always stare at my stomach--and now I was staring right at him)! He was so peaceful and serene. . .I wrapped him in a big comfy towel and put him in his bumbo chair while I got into the shower to take a real one. Even though he's been used to sitting outside my shower since was born (so I can get ready while he sits in a bumbo with a toy), lately he gets antsy sooner than later--but today he was so quiet! Still, I cleaned quickly and when I turned off the shower and opened the door I saw the sweetest site: his head was dropped to his chest, sound asleep! I picked him up and carried him to his crib. . .and he's still there sleeping two hours later!

I'm sure he'll wake up any minute so I'll bring this to a close now. I'm really hoping when he wakes up his fussy week will be over. I gave him some Tylenol because that had worked when he refused the breast at four months old, but I'm still not exactly sure what has been the cause of all of this. My stepdad found a good article on babycenter about how it's very common at this age for babies to develop night terrors/nightmares. Many of you might remember from posts last summer/fall that Logan often had bad dreams for his first five months. It occured to me the other day that maybe he still does and I just don't know it since he always sleeps in his crib now. Back when he slept in his carseat I could hear his little sounds easier than now in his room with the door closed. So this definitely could be his deal lately--it seems like it's the same thing, only he's getting more upset which wakes himself up (whereas before he kept sleeping).

The article also lists my theory on separation anxiety which I still think might be the cause since he displayed the first signs during the day this same week (and Stacy--the mother of Logan's little friend Jaxson who is the same age--said that he has suddenly been screaming in his crib, too).

But I think there has to be an additional reason since he's not been his self during the day. If the reason is teething, it's strange that he's reacting this time but only has once out of his six other teeth. He was so happy every day of his 8th month and that's when four came in! The next ones are supposedly on each side of his two bottom teeth, but I can't see any buds yet.

And, seems like if it was a stomach ache then he wouldn't drink the bottles (and he hasn't been constipated or had any gas). I hope our pediatrician can provide us with a solution at his 9 month check-up tomorrow.

Oh--I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that when Joe and I went to the movie on Friday a group of kids sat next to us and for the first half-an-hour would not stop talking! They were getting up, getting down, leaving the theater, coming back, laying on the floor, laughing, hitting each other, and looking through their phone! The people on the other side of us moved and the couple in front of us kept giving them dirty looks (which we were, too). But they didn't get the hint. I thought to myself, okay I don't get out much, you're not going to ruin the one night I get to see a movie! So I went and got the theater cop who told them that if they didn't stop then they'd be escorted out! They didn't make another sound the entire film! Go me :)