The Conclusion Of Fussiest Week

This was originally written on Wednesday, January 21, 2009:

PART THREE OF MY THREE DAYS IN A ROW BLOGGING:
Logan's fussy week appears to be over!!!! Man, yesterday was tough! Nothing seemed to please him. Once he awoke from his nap he wouldn't let me move more than two inches away from him. He even took another two hour nap later that day. . .and get this: he slept TWELVE AND A HALF HOURS, no interruptions, straight through the night last night! So whatever it was was cured with sleep! All naps yesterday & today, and bed last night, were without any complaints (we just put him in his crib and that was that)!

When I woke up at 8:30 this morning I about had a heart attack. We put him to bed at 8 last night! Joe was still getting ready for work because we both rarely sleep past 6:30 these days due to that being Logan's normal wake up time. I was like, "Have you been up with Logan since he went to bed last night?" Joe shook his head and said, "No, I was thinking maybe I should check on him!" So we both rushed to his room like maniacs, lol. As soon as I opened the door Logan awoke :p

This entire day he's been an angel! Moments when I'm sure he's going to get upset, he hasn't--whereas from last Wednesday thru yesterday it seemed like the littlest thing made him incredibly mad. I guess this is good to remember next time there's a bad day. For every fussy day there's going to be days where he is absolutely perfect.

Except for the fact that he's still not nursing. I tried every hour yesterday and today to no avail. I thought for sure today he would (since whatever was the cause of his fussiness is over)--but nope, he has absolutely no interest whatsoever. Without even realizing it, our last time happened on Monday morning (January 19--ironically one day after his 9 month birthday).

We had his 9 month check-up today and our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for many 9 month olds. As they get more independent they learn that they really don't need "the breast." Obviously nutrition-wise he has his cups/bottles & solids, and he is letting me know he feels secure & content without me. That's a GREAT sign of development. Our pediatrician said that it is something to feel really good about--that I fulfilled Logan to the point that he can now move forward on his own. It's my first of many-to-come moments when I get to let him go, because I made him capable. When babies wean, they are "letting mom know the job is done."

So I'm not going to force it anymore. The main thing that I wanted to remember from that book the other day was to pay attention to Logan's cues and to respond accordingly because that will have the best effects for both of us as we go through life together. (I'm not talking about letting him have whatever he wants--I'll explain exactly what this means when I write my "book report," lol.)

So now begins MY weaning so that I'm not in pain for the next two weeks (how long it takes to dry up if you stop cold turkey). I've been been pumping 3 times a day, 6 oz each time, so now I'm going to stop pumping once I get 5 oz each time, then in a couple of days stop at 4 oz, then a couple of days after that 3 oz, then 2 oz. . .and then my breasts should be empty if they aren't already by then! In the meantime, Logan will still get to have breastmilk in a bottle. (We're also to give him 4 oz. of water every day in a sippy cup--and, yep, he can eat our food now--exciting!)

"Surprisingly," I'm "surprised" that the end happened like this, but I can't think of a better way: it's like Logan thanked me for nursing as long as he needed it, but he's a "big boy" now. This is evident as he has now started walking if he's holding on to something. For example, when he pulls himself up to our table or the baby gate or his jungle toy, he can take steps in a row to move from one side to the other!!!

I told my mom that I'd never noticed such a change in Logan during one single month as I did during month 8. My parents saw him at Christmas and I told them they are going to definitely notice a difference when they stop by this Sunday on their way to Key West for a vacation. Except for last week when he was really needy (and I gave him that, as he needed me extra for some reason), he had been going around our house clearly with his own thoughts & ideas, playing with his toys on his own with a purpose (actually "talking" and looking for certain particular toys), climbing all over our furniture (we're having to be "proper" parents now and eat our meals at the kitchen table because otherwise Logan will take our food!), even pounding on doors that are closed because he knows he's been in the rooms before(!), and he could care less where I was. Today he's back to doing that!

Maybe he suddenly realized his own independence and that's what scared him this past week, but I reminded him that I am there for him and that gave him the confidence to return.

Our pediatrician said this is the age of "object permanence" where they realize what's around them and are very sensitive to the presence or absence of everything. He also said that as they get older they often do act more bothered by their teeth because they are more "aware" of pain--so that would explain why he wasn't fussy with his other teeth coming in, but this last one (last Wed.) he was--and maybe as that tooth has gotten bigger/longer it's continued to hurt which explains the days following. I also see some buds next to his bottom two now, so it's very possible he's feeling those as well. Geeze, if they come in this month that's 6 teeth in a month--no wonder! (The red cheeks last Thurs. are also sometimes a symptom of teething. So I'll try the different stuff I gave him last week one more time and if he has the same reaction then I know he's allergic and won't give them to him again. Also, I forgot to mention last Wed & Thurs he had baby food mac & cheese for the first time, first half one day and second half the next.)

The doctor said he's in top health; he came out to be 22 lbs-2 ounces and is 29.5 inches long. And his head is in the 55th percentile! (On average it's been in the 10th, lol, but now we're moving up! As I predicted, everything else was the 75th; usually it's the 90th.)

Logan wasn't tested for anemia because that's standard at the 12 month appt. and he was pretty certain Logan isn't anemic. (Joe had said this morning that I just think he looks pale because it's winter, haha, well our pediatrician said the same thing! :p His skin pigmentation has just lightened up a lot from when he was born, his color is pretty average for a caucasion rather than dark like it was in the beginning).

Doc also is willing to bet the night screams were in fact due to the night terrors/nightmares I mentioned in yesterday's post. He said all babies this age change to an adult sleep pattern, which means our same dream cycles. Just as we were surprised that Logan could have "bad dreams" as a newborn (when he's so happy in every-day-life), he said it often surprises parents that 9 month olds can have nightmares--but they do and it's perfectly healthy for some kids because it shows their brain is in high development. So now if he does start waking up again in the night I'm going to wait and see if he calms himself back to sleep after a couple of minutes. . .hopefully he will because otherwise now that he's not nursing anymore I'm not sure anything we do will put him back to sleep in 90 seconds like that always did :/

I'm really hoping that since he stopped nursing and slept 12.5 hrs without waking up all within the same time-frame that the two fit together--i.e. he doesn't need the comfort in the night anymore because he's now capable of having the same kind of nights we do. Of course even as adults we all have "bad nights" every now & then and so there may be times when he does need me to come in and hold him or whatever--if that's the case I'm not going to deny him that! But if he acts like he doesn't want us (which a few times the past week was the case) then I will follow his cues.

But for now, Logan appears back to normal. . .and speaking of the little guy, he's waking up from his nap now!

What A Night

This was originally written on Tuesday, January 20, 2009:

This is an update/continuation from yesterday, where I said that we are having a weird week -- I don't know what's causing my son's sudden change in behavior from easy to fussy.

Despite the title of today's post, Logan was not that bad during the night. He only woke up once (at 1 am). The problem was that we ended up being awake for a full hour!!! Yes, I know I can't complain since it's only the fifth time since he was two weeks old that we've lost sleep being up with him (i.e. the other nights he's woken up since then it's only been 2-5 minutes)--my frustration & exhaustion is because he refused to nurse! There was only one other day in his life that he resisted the breast and that was a week before he turned 5 months old (I mentioned it in my post titled, My Son's Fifth Month). Just like this week, he'd been fussy all of that day -- those who read that post might remember we even fed Logan with a dropper so that he'd get 6 oz. of milk in a 24 hr period. He didn't get his first teeth for another month so I'm still not sure what caused that episode, but the good news was that he was back to normal the next day.

This time I'm not so sure. He had not been interested in nursing when we put him down at 8:30 last night (so Joe fed him a bottle of formula) and so my breasts were full. I was happy about this because it meant that my milk supply had improved since a couple of weeks ago when I could have easily stopped nursing without my body even caring. But my happiness quickly turned to despair when at 1 AM my breasts were engorged--as in seriously painful. Um, so pump, right?

Yeah. . .I'm an idiot. I said in my post, 9 Months Old (Next Week) that not only did I put my pump away on January 10th, but I threw away a couple of parts that were seriously yucky. As I was dropping them into the trash can, I hesitated. I remembered how after I threw away my nipple shields in October (because I hadn't used them since Logan was a couple of weeks old), I had the sores and could have benefited from them. I had told myself never to throw anything away again unless I was sure I'd never need it. But I thought about our entire journey with breastfeeding. . .there was simply no reason for me to pump ever again . . .so in the trash the parts went.

It never crossed my mind that Logan might not want to nurse when my breasts were full! (How ironic that in yesterday's post I said that we were free of problems in this area this week.)

I tried to hand pump for the first time, but that was not good enough. So, Joe got up and found my manual pump (which I hadn't used since Logan was two weeks old) and while I was crying he went to work. He put a piece of masking tape over the little valve that's usually covered in order for the pump to work. My hero! Although it was incredibly slow (don't waste your money on a manual pump--this was only the second time I'd ever used it)--I was able to get six ounces--whew!

Then, Logan, who was still up and refusing my breast drank the bottle! I had thought maybe it was my breastmilk, but nope, he went right back to sleep after that and slept until 7 this morning.

I was shocked to find that my breasts were painfully engorged again when I woke up! I think the past week of "whatever is going on" that has been causing Logan to wake up 4 times a night to breastfeed increased my milk supply! But he still wouldn't nurse this morning, so I used my fake manual again and got about 4 oz. which, once again, he drank in a bottle. I've continued to put him to the breast every hour but he arches his back, turns his head, and starts crying--clearly he doesn't want it. If he refuses the breast before bed this evening then I know even if I use my manual pump again my milk supply is going to go back down--to nothing. Maybe he's weaning himself??? He always seemed like he would nurse at night the rest of his life if he could!

I still have 5 bags of breastmilk left in the freezer so I'm thinking maybe I'll save those for the day he has surgery so that he gets breastmilk that day. . .but in the weeks until February 19th we might have to go all formula, as this week may end up being my last week for Logan getting fresh breastmilk. Then again, how many times have I thought the end was before? As always, we will see. . .

Since Logan did sleep the best he had in a week, I was hoping maybe he'd be back to his easy-going self today. . .but he was cranky all morning. :( I kept trying to put him down for a nap, but he refused his morning nap like the past two days. On Sunday night I'd taken a warm, relaxing bath with him for the first time because that was recommended in the book I mentioned yesterday. I'd never seen him so calm in my life! So, I decided to do that again today and it worked! I turned on my Plumb CD (the one I mentioned in My Birthday in the ER post, that has lyrics about being a mom) and we had mother-son bonding time, as that's where I always felt it the most when I was pregnant (I'd always stare at my stomach--and now I was staring right at him)! He was so peaceful and serene. . .I wrapped him in a big comfy towel and put him in his bumbo chair while I got into the shower to take a real one. Even though he's been used to sitting outside my shower since was born (so I can get ready while he sits in a bumbo with a toy), lately he gets antsy sooner than later--but today he was so quiet! Still, I cleaned quickly and when I turned off the shower and opened the door I saw the sweetest site: his head was dropped to his chest, sound asleep! I picked him up and carried him to his crib. . .and he's still there sleeping two hours later!

I'm sure he'll wake up any minute so I'll bring this to a close now. I'm really hoping when he wakes up his fussy week will be over. I gave him some Tylenol because that had worked when he refused the breast at four months old, but I'm still not exactly sure what has been the cause of all of this. My stepdad found a good article on babycenter about how it's very common at this age for babies to develop night terrors/nightmares. Many of you might remember from posts last summer/fall that Logan often had bad dreams for his first five months. It occured to me the other day that maybe he still does and I just don't know it since he always sleeps in his crib now. Back when he slept in his carseat I could hear his little sounds easier than now in his room with the door closed. So this definitely could be his deal lately--it seems like it's the same thing, only he's getting more upset which wakes himself up (whereas before he kept sleeping).

The article also lists my theory on separation anxiety which I still think might be the cause since he displayed the first signs during the day this same week (and Stacy--the mother of Logan's little friend Jaxson who is the same age--said that he has suddenly been screaming in his crib, too).

But I think there has to be an additional reason since he's not been his self during the day. If the reason is teething, it's strange that he's reacting this time but only has once out of his six other teeth. He was so happy every day of his 8th month and that's when four came in! The next ones are supposedly on each side of his two bottom teeth, but I can't see any buds yet.

And, seems like if it was a stomach ache then he wouldn't drink the bottles (and he hasn't been constipated or had any gas). I hope our pediatrician can provide us with a solution at his 9 month check-up tomorrow.

Oh--I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that when Joe and I went to the movie on Friday a group of kids sat next to us and for the first half-an-hour would not stop talking! They were getting up, getting down, leaving the theater, coming back, laying on the floor, laughing, hitting each other, and looking through their phone! The people on the other side of us moved and the couple in front of us kept giving them dirty looks (which we were, too). But they didn't get the hint. I thought to myself, okay I don't get out much, you're not going to ruin the one night I get to see a movie! So I went and got the theater cop who told them that if they didn't stop then they'd be escorted out! They didn't make another sound the entire film! Go me :)

9 Months Old! (Next week)

This was originally written on Monday, January 12, 2009:

Well I didn't hear anything from the ENT after I wrote my last post (My Son's CT Scan (and other stuff), or the next day, so at 4:30 on Wednesday, Jan. 7th I called. Good thing I did because the hospital hadn't faxed over Logan's results yet! So the receptionist got the ball rolling and an hour later our ENT called to give us good news. Logan's hole goes back about 1/2 inch, which on him isn't technically "small," but it's better than all of the way up to the ear. This will keep us with the easier and quicker procedure--yeay! He also said that the area is free of any infection and inflammation which means nothing negative has occured yet from having the hole, so he said we are fine waiting another month so that Logan is less likely to have a virus (which he did up until last Thursday, January 8th; now it appears his first cold and ear infection are gone after two weeks).

So, we scheduled the surgery for the week Logan turns 10 months old. The only downside to this is that I'm not sure I'll be able to continue breastfeeding until then. I don't know what happened last week, but my milk wanted to completely dry up. I had planned to put my pump away last week, but tried to use it over the weekend because I felt like I had NO milk left and was hoping that would help. Both days I could barely pump an ounce!!! (And that was all by my right side, if you've been following you know my left has always lagged behind--well now it's producing nothing.) To make matters worse, my pump went psycho and started shooting the milk the wrong way (which it's done a few times over the past couple of months) so I decided right then and there I was done pumping for good. I packed it away and threw away a couple of the parts that, despite me sterilizing after every use, are too yucky too keep (I'll buy replacements for baby #2).

I'm still nursing Logan but also supplementing now so we've now used up all of our formula samples and almost all of the stored breastmilk in the freezer. I guess making it nine months before buying our first container of formula is pretty good considering the rollercoaster. And, it's safe to say I'll make it to this Sunday which is Logan's 9 month birthday--what I told the nurses at the hospital after Logan was born was my goal. I'm definitely satisfied and happy and proud that I made it nine months. . .I was just hoping that would line up with Logan's surgery. I'll keep nursing to see if I can do it another month, but if not, that's okay. Since I've been ready for the final day to unexpectedly happen ever since October 29th (when I had the bleeding), I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. I don't even think I'll cry--although I'll always remember it as the most sweet & special experience of my life!

It's been a weird nine months of going bra-less on the days when I'm just at home--and in the beginning sometimes even topless, LOL. During my first few months I pumped in bed while I watched TV (I discovered that E! plays the same shows all day and all week long so that sometimes if I finished pumping in the middle of a show, I could turn it on the next time and it'd pick up where I left off, haha)! Once Logan got to be 3-4 months old I moved the pump downstairs in front of that TV and when we had company, on my bedroom floor.

As for nursing, I mainly did it quietly and peacefully in the recliner in his room, or in our family room rocker, or on the couch while watching DVDs rented from Red Box. Although there were a couple of months I nursed in bed, once Logan started crawling our morning cuddles came to an end. :( He still likes to cuddle during the day, though--he just crawls to me now wherever I'm standing or sitting and tries to climb up me, then coos as he snuggles and I kiss him. It's so sweet :)

Aside from the CT scan last week I've just been keeping busy chasing him around. :p Over the weekend we were able to find two baby gates large enough to fit our doorways that had been blocked by boxes. As you can see by the following video, boxes weren't keeping Logan confined anymore!

We also bought him a toy box so now there's a place for all of his toys OFF of the floor!

I also did some shopping to start decorating our house (as I mentioned in my last post is one of my new year's resolutions). I'm so excited, I've completely finished the first room: our downstairs bathroom. I also got started on our living room and dining room, so those are the next two rooms I hope to complete. I never knew I could actually enjoy shopping. I can't remember if I've mentioned here before that I do not like to shop. It is usually stressful and exhausting and so I rarely do it. I only shop when I absolutely have to have something (as in "need" it)--and even those times I have to force myself. Joe is fine with it, we don't own anything expensive this way, haha. But it's no fun to live in just a house--I prefer a home. So it's been nice to see our rooms go from bare and boring to colorful and with a theme!

Last Friday Joe & I watched 20/20 which took some of my blogs to an extreme. For example, for those of you who have been following since last year know that I'm all about getting rid of the myth that labor/childbirth has to be an "untolerable" painful experience. For me, I dread pregnancy again but I can't wait to give birth again! It was so fun and exciting, pain was secondary. With that said, my mouth dropped to the ground when I watched about how some women have orgasms while giving birth. WHAT?! Even with my hypnobirthing there is no way that could have happened!!!! While there were several parts of this segment I 100% agreed with, telling women they can have an "orgasm" is overboard. For those of you who want to watch it (7 minutes), click here.

I've also been "all about breastfeeding" and even though I don't think I'll be able to make it to a year, I totally support the medical standards of doing it to 1 or 2 years old. But 'til the child is 8 years old?! Some women are doing it until the child decides to stop, no matter how old they are. That was another segment on 20/20 last week that I think shows women going overboard. I believe that if a child gets to two years old and is showing no signs of self-weaning then it is the mothers job to assist in helping him/her to stop. We're not just here to help our children to be healthy physically -- we are also here to help them be healthy psychologically. Since it's not necessary to continue that long for nutrition, then "comfort" is what is being substituted -- but there are other more age-appropriate ways for children to feel secure and soothed. I have memories as far back as two years old; just like in the above segment, who wants to know they gave their mom an orgasm during birth? I'm pretty sure if Logan remembered his attachment to my breasts he would have issues when he's an adult. While breasts are for babies, they are also sexually appealing to most men. I wouldn't want him to be reminded of me when he's in the bedroom(!), or for breasts to be uncomfortable for him. Here's an 8 minute clip.

And finally, I've also been encouraging women to take charge of their own labors--not just go into it blindly and then do what their doctor says and thinks is best for them. I was fortunate to have a wonderful doctor and hospital who supported my birth plan. Even though I had to make some compromises, I wouldn't have had things any other way. My doctor was who saved me from having a c-section (because Logan was stuck, face up, in my pelvis so she reached in and twisted him twice; you can read our story here.). But many women don't get what they want and so they are choosing home births instead. Now while I think this is wonderful if everything goes smoothly, my situation would have been life-threatening had I not had a doctor monitor me closely. If I had come in to the hospital after even 2 hrs of pushing elsewhere there's no way they would have been like, "okay let's try here for another 2 hrs." (I pushed for 4 hrs.) They would have taken me in for an emergency c-section--so I actually had a better chance of getting what I wanted (no c-section) at the hospital. Because of my situation, there's no way I'd personally feel comfortable doing a home birth next time. The clip for this story is 5 minutes here.

I was following a blog of a woman who'd had a c-section and wanted a natural, vaginal birth with her next. Even before she got pregnant she did everything she could to prepare by reading and talking to people. When she did conceive, she took classes, hired a midwife and doula, went to a birthing center frequently, did exercises, etc. But even after all of that, her baby ended up being in a dangerous position and would not come out. After a super long labor (2 days), her midwife took her to the hospital and she was completely put out under general anesthesia for an emergency c-section.

Rather than be disappointed, though, I was glad to be reminded that even if I do everything I can next time, my next baby could still end up being in a bad position or something even worse could happen and I'll need a c-section or whatever else--and that's okay. As long as I do the best I can, I will be satisfied.

I still admire the woman and am glad that she and her baby are okay. But what if she had waited "too long" to go to the hospital? It wouldn't have been worth it. Bring on the c-section!

Thinking about my labor, I realize there's something I've never mentioned in all of my times of talking about it! When I first got to the hospital and was changing into my gown, I felt horribly nauseous. I'd heard that some women throw up during labor and I remember worrying that because of my all-day sickness I was going to be one of them. But thankfully it went away as soon as I got into the bed. Also, I chewed on ice chips!

By the way, my numb spot finally went away during month 7!

Logan is finally consistantly completing all three solids a day (a couple of times I've even given him two in a row) so I bought stage 3 foods for the first time. He's not as picky with his fruit & veggie mixtures anymore (this month eating them for the first time), but is still a vegeterian. I'd tried beef at seven months so I tried chicken last night but he still gagged on all 4 bites I fed him (including eyes watering) so I'll wait another couple of months before introducing meat again. Since seven months old he's only had snacks 4 or 5 times (puffs and teething toast) for this same reason--gags on them. That's fine, though, since the longer the wait the better as far as avoiding allergies & having stronger digestive systems.

It's all right to start feeding him "adult food" now, but I'm going to wait 'til after his 9 month appt. on January 21st. As far as I know he hasn't changed measurements. During month 8 he was 22 lbs and 29 inches long (90th percentile for both--even coming from short parents, lol) but this month both of those would be in the 75th percentile. This will be the first time he hasn't been in the 90th for weight since he was six weeks old!

This weekend Joe's mom is coming to visit before she leaves for Belize until the week of Logan's 1st birthday in April! I'm going to try to get more shopping in. I have my massage scheduled for tomorrow. I can't wait!

I forgot to mention in December I went to scrapbooking at my neighbor Jenn's but haven't been to the store's since September. I'm so unorganized with my stuff right now, hopefully I'll get a chance to get back into it next month.

I went to lunch with Chris last Friday, it was good to see & talk to her again since it had been since I met her on November 1st. We have been e-mailing and I've really enjoyed getting to know her and am glad we've become friends.

I learned from the waiter that if I was going to have a drug test after eating their honey mustard dressing then I was going to test positive for opioid, lol.

Chris is worried because she is now 35 weeks and her baby is transverse. I really hope that this situation turns around for her ASAP. She is following every bit of advice she can (has from the start) and I know that in five weeks a lot can happen, so I am going to believe the best for her.

Two of my other friends are also in low spirits because one has been trying to get pregnant for a year and found out she has polycystic ovarian syndrome so her doctor is putting her on the pill for three months (and then when she goes off it she'll be immediately put on chlomid) even though some doctors disagree with this because it may make the situation worse. My other friend has been trying for a year-and-a-half and learned she has moderate dysplasia, although that is supposedly not the reason, so she & her husband are still being tested for other explanations. I'm sorry they have to go through this. They will both make EXCELLENT mothers.

On a lighter note, my mom found a workbook I filled out when I was in third grade and there was a sentence where the teacher had written: If I have my own children someday, I'll be sure to. . . (And then I wrote) Take them out to pizza a lot. I will let them play from 3:00 to 5:00 pm after school unless they have homework. I will say what they can and can't do and I will keep them by my side. Two of them. My children's names will be Cristina and Adam.

Isn't that funny :) The pizza was because I rarely got to eat pizza as a child (but I've more than made up for it now, LOL).

Hey look, I have a signature now :)

Update

This was originally written on Wednesday, November 5, 2008:

(Another long one.)

For the second time since Logan was born 6.5 months ago, I'm feeling like I could use a break (the first time was in August when he was 4 months old). It's been a rough week. After I last blogged on Wednesday (Breastfeeding May Never Be Easy) I was in pain, so the thought of pumping or breastfeeding was so not appealing to me. I let my breasts get as engorged as I could tolerate before pumping for 5-10 minutes two times that night. I immediately stopped taking fenugreek because for once I did want my milk supply to go down, and being engorged is pretty darn uncomfortable. For my nipples I used ice packs that my cousin's wife gave me, as well as lanolin cream (that I had leftover from the hospital), but I was still sore all day Thursday as well. Washing out the pumps nearly made me pass out (I am not good with blood).

Friday night had been over 48 hrs since I'd nursed and I noticed that the red marks had lightened up a lot so I gave breastfeeding another try, as well as on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, when I pumped later that day I noticed blood again and was back to being in pain. I figured I hadn't let myself fully heal and so I took another 48 hr nursing rest, but continued to use the lanolin religiously. Miraculously, since Monday I've been able to breastfeed again and haven't noticed blood when I pump. I still have marks, but they are much lighter than a week ago. I still get sore after 5-10 minutes, though (I used to always pump for 20), so that's all the time I'm pumping and nursing from now on. So far that is working out! I just wait until I absolutely can't stand being engorged and then I pump only until I feel relief which gives me 5 ounces three times a day (around 11 am, 5 pm, and 11 pm-when I go to bed). Then I nurse Logan a couple of times a day (usually 7 am-when we get up and 8 pm-when he goes to bed). It's also helped me to be consistant with giving him 3 solids a day because this month, up until this past week, I'd been feeding him one every single day, and sometimes 2, but now I'm doing 3 every day.

After last week I thought there was no way I could possibly continue breastfeeding any longer. There's something about pain that just throws all motivation out the window (and don't get me wrong, I still have pain, it's just that when my breasts are engorged I can focus on that discomfort until five minutes after relieving them). My only reason for not stopping cold turkey last Wednesday night was because I didn't want my final time to feel like I was being forced into stopping. I wanted to prepare myself--whether it meant doing it just 24 more hours or 48. Turns out it's been a week! But over this past week I've obviously started the weaning process and so I've gotten to where I'm 99% ready to be done--I'm guessing I'll be 100% by 7 months, but if somehow I can keep going then I'll be continuing past seven months! That would be a shocker! We will see, it's a total day-by-day thing.

Fortunately, I found help from Kim, my dad's sister's son's wife (i.e. my cousin-in-law/cousin's wife). I am amazed that she has been able to help me every time I've about thrown in the towel. She has three kids, her first two nursed up to 17 months and her last to two years old. She stayed up late last Wednesday night after reading my blog, searching the internet for me and presented me with the theory that maybe my bleeding wasn't caused by bites--but rather cracked nipples! She suggested I meet with a lactation consultant to find out for sure (since, it seems like a coincidence that it happened the day after Logan got teeth and the marks are only located on the bottoms--where he has teeth), but cracked nipples are a common problem and would explain why I don't feel Logan bite. (Because I've been paying even more attention since resuming nursing and can't feel his teeth at all--which makes sense since he's latched properly.)

One reason that I may have noticed the bleeding while pumping is because (according to babycenter.com) when you have cracked nipples, using a breast pump "can injure the delicate tissue, breaking capillaries." You can read the rest of the article here: http://www.babycenter.com/0_cracked-or-bleeding-nipples_8493.bc They are most likely to occur during dry weather (it is getting to be winter) and could be because I nursed flawlessly for an entire month (which meant more nursing than pumping for once)--Logan may be tougher on me than my pump, which is why my all-day pain occured after I resumed nursing last Wednesday and Saturday.

I wish that I hadn't thrown away my nipple shields a couple of weeks ago because I had two from when Logan was born and the lactation consultants had given them to me as lifesavers because he wouldn't take my left side for his first two months without them. I hadn't needed the shields since, so although I'd washed them several times I noticed a couple of weeks ago that they didn't look good enough to save for my next child and figured it was okay to toss them. I've now learned never to throw anything baby-related away until I'm done having children! But Kim found that moist wound healing is what is best (http://www.leron-line.com/updates/Wound_healing.htm). . .so that's what I've been doing and things ARE better!!!

But I'm still tired because Logan has had a fussy week. For some reason Mondays always seem to be the hardest day of the week for us, but this week Tuesday (yesterday) and today (Wednesday) were a lot of work, too. He is finally taking a nap right now (whereas he didn't at all on Monday and Tuesday) so I am enjoying my few minutes of quiet to write this blog.

I hope he's not sick, he's been pulling on his ear off & on the past three days so I'm keeping an eye on that. He doesn't have a temperature or any other signs of an earache or cold, etc. but I've heard you don't hesitate with babies & ear infections because they are very prone to them and can be dangerous--often causing deafness. Um, "yikes" is an understatement. So I've been giving him vitamin C and if he has the same behavior tomorrow then I'm calling the pediatrician. (If that one lady answers again I'm going to ask for someone else!)

Also, every now & then this week Logan's been just screaming out of nowhere. He'll be happy and content with his toys and then in a split second act like someone is torturing him. Usually he just makes little sounds when he's ready to move on--he doesn't normally scream. His voice is actually hoarse today and my ears hurt. :/

I read that babies usually get one tooth a month. He got two this month so I doubt his third is coming in yet (usually the upper front are next--which are even harder for many women to breastfeed with because babies sometimes chomp down, using both the top and bottom together--OUCH!). But something's up this week because I feed him until he's happy. . .15 minutes later he cries again. I put him around his toys. . .they only please him for 10 minutes. I put him in his crib and the pack n play--that is the worst of all because he knows that's where he sleeps. We've had very few fussy days with Logan in his life so hopefully he'll return to normal tomorrow, otherwise this will tie with #4 for my least fav of his months!

We've had beautiful weather lately, so Monday I did take him out on our back deck and our front step for a while for some fresh air and that calmed him down, but he still didn't let me sit by myself for a minute that day. I was so wiped out when Joe got home that I finally just had to take a walk by myself even though it was dark out so that I wouldn't fall into a depression.

It doesn't help that my (second since Logan) period hasn't started, despite me showing signs since last Wednesday. Clearly, my old pattern has returned -- I used to always have signs 7-10 days before my period would start. I would moan around my house saying, "Come on already!" and here I am doing it again for the first time in 15 months. At least I haven't had bad cramps, although I had minor ones the other day--but I'm not complaining about minor! It appears my old irregular cycle has returned, though, since tomorrow will be day 37. So hopefully it will start then and I can get out of this funk.

I especially hate it when I have a million things to do because I have no energy to do them. Monday would have been a perfect day to take Logan out & about, but no, I didn't even take a shower until 2 pm.

Tuesday I forced myself to take Logan out of the house so that we could vote. I also took Logan to JCPenney for the first time! I've always just carried him around public in his carseat because he's usually asleep from the car ride, but yesterday he wasn't so he & I got to try a new adventure of putting him in the little seat at the front of the cart like a real kid. :) He was so cute--he was fascinated by everything around him and had a look on his face like "I'm a big boy!". . .he clearly knew the experience was different. He acted like he was riding in a rollercoaster as I pushed him around the store, he was having so much fun. At one point he quickly grabbed some clothes and started to put them in his mouth but I was able to stop him!

The ladies at the check-out loved him; I'm glad that despite his "off" week he was on his best behavior. Tomorrow I'm going to take him to the grocery store and sit him in the front of the cart there! I almost did that yesterday, too, but I didn't want to push my luck. Grocery shopping usually takes me an hour (so I've always done it once Joe is home, but now that it's getting dark early I'd prefer to do it during the day), whereas at JCPenney all I did was buy Joe a pair of navy jeans for our family picture this Friday.

This morning I went over to my neighbor Jenn's for scrapbooking, only I didn't scrapbook, I just talked to her and the other moms. There were 6 other kids there and Logan was in awe of them. A couple of them played with him and he seemed so excited and happy by it--he really loves other kids and seems social so I want to try and do more of that. He even noticed a toy box nearby and knew how to move his body in order to get the toys!!! He's not crawling yet, but if he wants something nearby where he's sitting or laying down, he knows how to get to it. It was so cute to see him study a new toy and shake it proudly. After a while he reached for me to pick him up and so I sat him on my lap and was talking to the other moms and at the same time they were like, "I think he just fell asleep!" I looked down and Logan's head had fallen forward! He has never fallen asleep sitting up like that on my lap--it was so cute!!!!! I put him in the carseat and he took a nap for about 20 minutes while I ate lunch. Now we're home and he is taking a longer one, so maybe getting back on his nap schedule will make him less fussy. (I also know he's not constipated--he goes the same hour every day now and his poop is like an adult's--it's crazy how it just changed one day from the old goo!)

On the bright side, he had four days of sleeping straight thru the night again this week (11 hrs) so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that maybe we won't have to try any "plans" again since I didn't do very good with the one week that we attempted The Ferber Method. I haven't found him with his legs between the crib bars for a while--the two nights this past week that he got me up three times a night were for reasons like a bad dream, and on daylight savings he went to bed too early and wanted up for good at 5 am! (Thankfully, we were able to get him to go back to sleep, and as of yesterday he seems to be on the new time-whew. Normally I like this time of year's daylight savings but Monday seemed like the longest day of my life!)

I've accepted that we'll probably always go back and forth--as in some weeks he'll sleep straight thru the night and other weeks he'll probably still wake up and cry. I've heard from several people that it really doesn't matter how well you "train" a child to sleep--they're still going to have weeks where they wake up, no matter what the age. We'll just hope this kind of week continues for a while. :/

At least he is still falling back to sleep easily, which he always has. One positive thing that came from my nursing rest is that going into his room in the middle of the night in pain made it impossible for me to even consider nursing him (as you know I was doing it during his middle cry, so that I could go back to sleep easier). Instead, I rubbed his back, turned on his sound machine, mobile, and/or music box--and was thrilled that it didn't take him long to substitute those for the milk (he just needed comfort), so maybe he will realize now he doesn't need milk during that cry and therefore won't wake up! :/

One of the women at Jenn's this morning has 4 children and THREE of them were face up. She said that her doctor said the same thing that mine did--her pelvis is such that it won't turn a baby face down. The only reason why one of her babies was correct is because it had a big head--her other babies had small heads. I didn't get a chance to ask her why in the world that made a difference, but obviously Logan was born with a 10th percentile head--so I'm going to look more into what that has to do with being face up! ??????

UPDATE: I still have not found any info about this. . .the only thing I can think of is that maybe when a baby has a big head they are not able to move as easily and so once they get into the anterior position they are likely to stay. Whereas, a small-headed baby may still twist and turn. Because I do know that when I had my ultrasound 2.5 days before I went into labor, Logan was on his side. Whether it was right or left, I am not sure (left is best); if it was right then it's not surprising that he was posterior during my pushing phase.

UPDATE #2: While pregnant with my second child in 2011, my doctor informed me that she had a small head as well which DOES mean more of a chance of bad positioning and problems during delivery. She was anterior until the last minute when she came out posterior just like Logan. Fortunately, there were no problems with her delivery -- it was fast (I felt contractions for a half an hour and pushed 3 times/3 minutes) -- but she could have had shoulder dystocia like Logan had, which is when the head comes out but not the body. So, I wonder if coming out posterior is nature's way of getting the body out when the head is small. In other words, I think my theory in the previous paragraph makes sense, considering I had a second baby with a 10th percentile head who came out posterior.

Jenn's friend is so used to posterior babies that with her last baby her doctor figured he didn't need to schedule a c-section because she'd always pushed them out before. I told her that was great to hear because I'm shooting to push out my next baby again--even if after I try the recommended things I still end up with another poterior baby. She said that her one baby that was anterior made labor seem like a breeze, so I'm going to think having a face down baby is a cinch (if my next one is). All of her babies were 36 weeks + one day--that was exactly Logan, another coincidence. I should have asked her if her water broke first.

Also, we were all talking about when we want to have our next child and when they asked me, I said, "I had a rough pregnancy so if it wasn't for that I'd want one sooner, but it will probably be three years." Well ten minutes later we were on a completely different subject and two of the women started talking about how they threw up all 9 months and had to be on the nausea medication as well as a constant IV drip! Suddenly I felt embarrassed for saying I had a rough pregnancy. One of the women said for a couple of weeks she made a bed next to her toilet because it was easier to just wake up and throw up right there rather than get up and walk to the bathroom! I can't imagine it being worse than what I went through--but they win! The woman with 4 kids said that with each pregnancy it's gotten worse. I did not want to hear that. I've been telling myself that my next experience won't be as bad because I'll be prepared and my body has already been through it. But, I came home and researched this and statistics are on her side! :(

Okay no more thinking about that. (UPDATE: I had a much easier pregnancy with baby #2 - not much nausea at all compared to with my first pregnancy!)

Since my last real update a week-and-a-half ago (Joe's friend was supposed to stay with us that weekend but didn't end up coming over), the next day (Sunday) Joe and I took Heather & Nick out to eat to thank them for watching Logan the only time we've had someone babysit him (which you might remember was back in August when we went to the movie theater).

Speaking of which, I should probably look into finding a babysitter. The daughter of one of Joe's co-workers is 16 and is certified because she's going to major in child development in college, so she knows CPR, the heimlich, and has been babysitting regularly for 4 years. But I haven't met her yet and even if I do & I like her, this is my one area that might be hard for me to relax about. I know that every mom has an area; this is mine. What I mean is, the only people I trust to watch Logan are people I know really well. Unfortunately, nobody I know well is a babysitter for their job, so that makes it hard to have someone who I can call at a moment's notice to watch Logan.

Like, several people have suggested I find someone who I can drop Logan off with a couple of hours a week so I can have time away, but while I know there are women in my neighborhood who do this (stay at home moms who are trying to earn some money). . .I've just seen so many horror stories on TV. It seems easier to relax when a kid is older rather than a baby because they can communicate--but at the same time I don't want it to be a shock to Logan the first time I leave him with a sitter (seems easier to start him at this age before he has stranger anxiety).

I know some moms have a hard time just being away from their baby, but if I know Logan's in good hands then that is not an issue for me. I've been able to have a great time whenever my mom or Joe's mom have watched Logan, haha! But, I have a feeling Logan's going to be over a year old before I'm able to leave him with a sitter.

Unlike when I first had Logan, I know why "they say" being a stay-at-home mom is equivalent to two full-time jobs. Joe used to always recite Dr. Phil as a joke because he said that so much, but even though I get it, I'm not sure Joe completely does yet. Don't misunderstand, he's an awesome husband and father and is soooo supportive and helpful--I have always felt very blessed and lucky that he is the guy I married, but he refuses to admit that my hard days here could be harder than his hard days at work. Possibly they're equal, but if he has a hard day at work then he thinks he deserves a break (meaning he doesn't want to help with Logan when he gets home). When he does help, he says that my break is when he gets home and I am not in the same room. But even when Joe is helping me, I'm still present & involved. I've tried to explain that when he's at his job it's not a vacation by any means, but it's a shift of his energy, his mind, etc. I've heard that most women who have been both stay-at-home moms and work-outside-the home moms say that the exhaustion factor is much less working outside the home. Because, generally they have more help with their child, and focusing on something other than their children gives them a "different" kind of energy. As a stay-at-home mom I am with Logan 24/7. That means even right now while he's napping and I'm blogging, my head is still "on him." My ears are listening for him to cry, my fingers are typing as fast as I can so that I can finish this before he wakes up, my breasts are starting to hurt because I need to pump but I'm trying to decide if there's anything else I need to do first while Logan is still asleep. . .

I adjusted pretty quickly after he was born to knowing my "time to myself" is not usually 100% time to myself unless I actually leave the house alone (which doesn't happen very often). But Joe is still learning to adjust from the days before he had Logan when he could do anything he wanted after work. . .to not being able to, as that is what goes along with being a parent. I have never told him he couldn't do something and I encourage him to let me know when he wants to, rather than hold it inside. So I think he's trying to figure out what exactly gives him a sense that he's had a break to himself. Because, when he takes a nap, he doesn't feel that counts because he's not conscious. If he plays the WII, that doesn't count if Logan's in the same room with him, etc.

So, we've decided to make a weekly schedule so we can each feel like we have our "own" time during the week. I don't want us to start resenting the other because right now our marriage is still happy and strong. Sarah S. recommended a book called Babyproofing Your Marriage. I haven't read it, but she said it covers a lot of common problems couples face once they have a baby. My parents paid for us to stay in a honeymoon suite on Nov. 22nd while they watch Logan, so that should at least give us time "just the two of us," which also doesn't happen very often, nowadays!

Okay--back to October 26th--after Joe & I arrived home from eating with Nick & Heather, our electricity was off! We had noticed that the stoplights a couple of miles from our house weren't working and I suddenly feared the experience we had in August when it was off for 4.5 hrs. Sure enough, I couldn't see one house after the stoplights to our street that had a light on! When we pulled into our driveway, our garage door wouldn't open. Jenn saw us and came outside and said the electricity had gone off 10 min. prior and she'd called the power company who said they were aware of the problem. It was really windy that day and as soon as we walked in the door we could tell the difference in our house (colder) with no heat. Thankfully, it was only off a half-an-hour so there wasn't time to freak out.

Not much happened that week, except for Logan's teeth, and he had pears and bananas (his favorite!) for the first time. Last night he had prunes for the first time (he loved those as well), so next is applesauce and then he can move on to mixtures.

On Thursday, Oct. 30th I had another massage which was just what I needed! I scheduled another one for next week. That night Joe carved a jack-o-lantern (as he does every year) and Logan helped, too :)

Last year & this year I didn't bake the seeds (nor did I have the time to try those recipes from my Baby's First Teeth post--some day I plan to!) but it was still a fun Halloween!

On Friday we had about 50 trick-or-treaters and we dressed up Logan in his clown costume. The girl who lives behind me introduced herself, she seemed nice; she has a 4 year old.We couldn't keep Logan away from the candy--it was funny. Our neighbor Brenda came over to take pictures of him. I'm not sure he knew what to think of the holiday, I'm sure next year he'll enjoy it more.On Saturday, Nov. 1st Joe & I met one of his co-workers, Chris, at Perkins for lunch. I had a Hawaiian wrap which I've been craving since. I really liked Chris! She is due with her first baby in February and is interested in several things I've written about here, so we've been corresponding thru email the past couple of months. I felt like I could have talked to her for hours, and I loved her accent (she's from Romania). :) She's having a boy so maybe I've found another friend for Logan!

Afterwards, Joe & I went to a consignment store--I am ashamed to admit I've never bought anything from one before, but now having a child you can bet I will. We bought Logan his winter coat for $10--that sure beats Younkers' price of $130--and the difference isn't even that noticeable.

Afterwards, my mom & stepdad came over on their way to Branson where they've been this week with my grandma. For supper we went out to eat at a terrible diner. Still, we had a good time and my parents were happy to see Logan's two teeth.

On Sunday, Joe & I took Logan to the park so I got to enjoy the leaves for the first time this fall. Sadly, the the leaves are already starting to turn brown for winter. I thought last fall went fast because I was cooped up inside with all-day sickness--but this one with a six month old has, too.

Wow, I can't believe Logan is still sleeping--this has been his best nap in a week!!!! I better get some housework done. . .

Breastfeeding May Never Be Easy

This was originally written on Wednesday, October 29, 2008:

I've been doing it for six months and it's still hard work. Last night I posted that Logan cut his first two teeth and I wasn't concerned about it being a problem with breastfeeding. Over twenty-four hours later I still haven't felt any biting while he's nursing. . .so then what's the problem?

I decided to pump today while Logan was taking a nap and I noticed blood going into the breastmilk! I gasped and immediately stopped, not sure if something was wrong with my breastmilk because at first glance I looked fine. But then I looked closer and couldn't believe what I saw--SEVERAL dark red marks all over both of the bottoms of my nipples! Clearly he IS biting but I must have built up a tolerance to what I feel because I had no idea. I remember my What to Expect Book said that although many women give up nursing once their baby gets teeth, they don't have to. Okay. . .then how do you continue?

I looked up online and found the same advice the What to Expect book said, which is not helpful for my situation:

Nursing a baby with teeth should not be painful. While your baby is nursing, his tongue extends over his gum line, and covers his lower teeth. Properly positioned during a feed, your nipple is also positioned far back in his mouth, very well protected from his new teeth.

Sometimes a baby will bite. He may have sore gums from teething. Most often, your startled reaction will be enough to stop the biting. If he continues, you should stop the feed (temporarily), gently removing him from your breast, and say, "No biting Mommy -- biting hurts!" Wait a minute or so to resume breastfeeding. Most biting happens at the end of a feed, when your baby is no longer actively sucking.
----

First of all, Logan is six months old, so he doesn't understand the words "no biting"--but even more so, since I can't even feel him biting, how am I supposed to know when he's doing it? I am confident he is properly positioned--I worked with several lactation consultants in the beginning to make sure of this. Needless to say, I called my pediatrician's office for their advice.

Usually when I call, I talk to his nurse. She's always been super nice and VERY helpful. This time I don't know who I talked to--if she was new or what--but she was the complete opposite! I had left a message explaining my situation but she must not have listened because when she called back she was like, "What's going on?" So I repeated everything. She paused and was like, "Hmm, I've never had any calls about this before."

O-KAY.

She asked me how old he was (again) and I said "Six months." She was like, "Oh yeah, we recommend you breastfeed for a year."

I-KNOW!!!!

I was so amazed at how awful she was that I didn't even get upset. I've been through so many bumps in the road with breastfeeding that this was just another one--I'm beyond getting overwhelmed and/or crying about it anymore. I made it through the most important part: the first six months.

Still, I want to be 100% confident that when I make the decision to say "I'm done" that I'm 100% ready to be done. So, I said, "I'm wondering how women who continue to a year do it if their baby gets teeth before then."

She said "just a minute," she'd ask our pediatrician's nurse. (Too bad she couldn't have called me in the first place.) The woman came back on the phone and said, "She says that when he bites to break his latch and relatch him properly." I rolled my eyes because I'd already told her that I'd heard that tip but couldn't feel him bite. She was like, "Oh yeah, well I guess it's up to you what you do, if you want to continue or not."

I decided that was enough of talking to her so I thanked her and said goodbye. Hopefully she's not answering calls for new breastfeeding moms out there.

My mom suggested I just put nipple cream on and maybe they will toughen up--but my "injuries" are pretty bad. If I continue to nurse before they heal it's like having a scab and picking it every day.

I'm continuing to read advice on the internet, but I haven't found anything that's really motivating. Other places have said that if you don't leave your baby on when he's not sucking then he won't bite. Call me lazy, but for the past month or two Logan only nurses for 10 minutes rather than the typical 20 (which it takes me to pump) because at 10 minutes he begins to lose speed and take a breath--and so I unlatch him and generally he doesn't cry for more.

I've spent so much of these six months-and-eleven days pumping that I can spend the rest of this week pumping to see if my nipples heal and then I will try it again and see if I can tell when he's biting to follow the above advice. BUT, if it happens again I've made the decision that I'm done. I don't know if it's knowing that my nipples are bleeding or if it's just a delayed reaction but now I AM feeling sore. :/ I'm going to put ice on, but the blood still scares me. The lady on the phone said that it's not harmful to Logan and to not freak out if I see it when I change his diaper.

The breastfeeding experience has been one of the most difficult of my life (you can read my nursing summary on the following two posts: Breastfeeding Rollercoaster and Okay. . .I'm Ready For My First Break). I'm going to pump for as long as I can in order to keep Logan getting the benefits of breastmilk, but I've accepted that I'm probably not going to make it to his brachial cleft surgery. :(

Ending on a brighter note, today Sarah S. was induced 6 days before her due date and gave birth to a 7 lb, 11 oz. 20.5 inch boy! (Very similar to Logan's size--Logan was two ounces bigger, but otherwise had the exact same measurements!) Here's a pic of Logan nursing, I never would have thought I'd post a picture on the internet since I've never even nursed in public before, but I thought this was neat because it came out kind of arsty and modest.

My Son's 5th Month

This was originally written on Monday, October 13, 2008:

Wow, it's been a month since I wrote my last update! (So get ready for a long post; read when you have time.) Where should I start?

Well, I got my first period since having a baby. :p My body must know that "1" means "beginning" because my very first one ever as a pre-teen was on July 1st and this one was October 1st, LOL. (Five-and-a-half months after having Logan.) Obviously I was right about my hormones & body returning to normal mid-August! I actually think my period tried to start the end of August/beginning of September because I had all of the classic signs at that time and spotting pretty much exactly a month before my "real" one. But--get this--with the real thing I didn't have any cramps! There is no denying I had it, but it was not like what I'd read (that the first after you have a baby is extra painful). In fact, it was the first period I've ever had in my entire life that was completely painfree! Wouldn't it be wonderful if my periods were like this from here on out? My only hope during all of my suffering in years prior was to hear that many women who have cramps to my degree (what I now know are labor contractions) don't have them near as bad after they have a baby. I don't want to get my hopes up, though. . .it just seems too good to be true. But having ONE without cramps proves to me that it's possible it could happen again!

Okay, for those of you who aren't comfortable with period talk, I'll move on :-)

During my last "update blog" on September 11th, my mom was here helping out while I had a bad cold. She paid for me to have the best massage of my life on September 12th. I recommend this organic massage therapist to everyone in the Omaha area! You can check out her website at CenterPointe Massage. Until then, I'd thought it might be fun to start a new hobby: try as many different massage therapists as I could (since the other one I went to this year was in a different location), but after going to this masseuse, that idea seems like a waste of time and money--I'm only going to Deb! (All three that I'd gone to in my life before her were equal--but she was off the charts.) I went again when Joe's mom came the end of September, and am going again this coming Wednesday!

My cold was gone by the end of that weekend, after I went to Sarah S's baby shower. Her baby boy is due in just three weeks! It seems like yesterday she told me she was pregnant a month before I had Logan.

Logan was a bit antsy at the shower (meaning he would have been fussy if I hadn't given him two bottles while we were there)! He hasn't gained any weight this month, though, as he is still twenty pounds (with five days before his six month birthday).

This past month I decided to distract him when he wanted to eat to see if he was always hungry (since 99% of the time, ever since he was born, feeding him immediately stopped his crying, so Joe & I never needed to try anything else when he cried)! I didn't want him to lose any weight, but rather see if his body would slow down naturally (without him noticing). Half the time it works (he'll play or fall asleep instead). The other half of the time he still cries and so I'm not going to deny him food.

In my post titled, Preparing For Brachial Cleft Fistula Surgery, I mentioned that we are doing "attachment parenting" rather than the "cry it out method" which I first mentioned in my post, When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade.

Before I had Logan, I didn't know what "side" I was on. I think every parent has to do what works for them and their child, so it's different depending on the situation. My dad & brother's mom believed in letting my brother cry. I remember spending the weekends at their house when I was 7-8 years old and wanting to go to my brother's rescue because he'd cry for what seemed like forever during the nights. It ripped my heart out, but I later heard "people" say that it's okay (even good for babies) to just let them cry because it teaches them independence.

At the same time, I heard other people say this was unncessary. Teaching babies to be independent is going against nature (they're not supposed to be independent). Babies need to know that you're there for them. Rather than become "tougher," babies who are left to cry stop because they "give up." They've learned they can't count on their parents for love and security.

That sounded so sad to me! If there are two people who Logan should always be able to count on for love & security, no matter what, they are his parents--that's what we're here for!

In my previous posts about this I gave links to articles that explained how rather than become spoiled, children of attachment parenting learn empathy from seeing their parents come to them--so it is a myth that letting babies cry it out is preventing them from becoming brats.

My instructor in last February's childbirth class said the same thing; studies show those not left to cry grow up to be more secure and content as adults. Our instructor said that before the age of six months you should not even consider letting a baby cry--it is impossible to spoil them. But what about at six months old and later. . .where Logan & I are now?

According to an article on Associated Content, "If a baby cries, something is wrong. A parent's natural instincts are not wrong. It is a parent's duty to check on the baby and determine what is wrong. It is a parent's duty to provide the relief and comfort the baby needs to deal with whatever is bothering it." The article goes on to say, "Babies have a great variety of cries to express how they feel at the moment and what their needs are. They can't talk. Crying is their way to communicate."

As I said before, everyone has to do what works for them and their particular child. I know there are colicky babies out there that will cry for hours with no relief, so a parent HAS to leave them in order to not go insane! I've also blogged in the past that there have been a few times in Logan's nearly six months when he will fuss for what appears to be no reason and nothing I do gets him to stop, so sometimes I will walk away to see if he will cease on his own. Sometimes he does but other times he'll get to a "you've abandoned me" cry and there's no way I can let him get that upset! It brings tears to my eyes because even if I can't stop him from crying, I want him to know that I am still trying & there for him.

What both sides seem to agree on is that if a parent is feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or mad then, yes, it is better to let the baby cry rather than to be holding that child and shake it or anything like that! But I have never even gotten the tiniest bit angry or frustated at Logan yet--my reason for wondering how long we do this is because I don't know how long this waking up for a few minutes each night is going to last. :~

But, I researched this topic again--only for "after six months old"--and I can rest-assured that I'm not setting Logan up to be needy and demanding. I'm sure there will be more times in the future like what we've already had when I will have to walk away when I'm making it worse (the article from before says this is most common when babies have been overstimulated. "Any walking, singing, rocking, and other comfort measures will just add to the over-stimulation your baby is experiencing. It would only intensify the discomfort your baby is experiencing. Instead your baby will learn to deal with these emotions on their own, while you can take a breather and a small rest.")--but it's not going to be something that I will intend to do whenever he cries or do often of just because "I" don't think he should be crying.

Therefore, I'm going to continue to feed him when he gives a hungry cry, help him go to sleep when he gives a tired cry, hold him when he gives a needy cry, and play with him when he gives a bored cry. That is a part of being a mother. Even when he's an adult--I won't be able to take pain that he has away, but I will always let him know that I'm there for him. But when he wants to be alone, I'll give him that. I'm confident that he'll learn independence, not getting his way, etc. all at the proper & healthiest times.

So far, all that's come out of attachment parenting is that Logan's healthy, SUPER happy (as everyone who meets him says), and definitely knows he's loved--so until I see something negative come from it, I'm not going to force against my instinct.

The week after Sarah's baby shower Logan's first tooth started coming in (although it still hasn't popped all of the way through yet)! Those who have been following my blog might remember that around three months old he began displaying all of the teething signs: drooling, putting everything into his mouth, being fussy for the first time, etc. But nothing happened from there. Well, shortly after my last update (the week before he turned five months old), he refused nursing for 48 hours! That was so depressing after the rollercoaster we've been on with breastfeeding (I've summarized my journey on the following two blogs: Breastfeeding Rollercoaster and Okay. . .I'm Ready For My First Break). The one thing he'd never done was resist the breast--he'd always at least latched on even on his worst day (which meant the days he didn't work hard enough to get milk and would have to be there two hours--but he always had the desire).

What made matters worse was that we happened to be at another down time in the breastfeeding rollercoaster (meaning, my milk supply had gone down again and so I was having to pump all day in addition to breastfeeding), and so I really thought that was going to be the end that time. But, I'd made the decision that if I had a bad week before Logan's six month birthday then I was going to contact La Leche. So, I was up late one night and found a local contact on their website. Since it was too late to call, I e-mailed them. I told them my COMPLETE story, thinking I'd get feedback from them that week.

Nothing.

I'm not sure whether it was an outdated e-mail address or if my message got lost in cyberspace or what--but fortunately, things picked up again on our own later that week and have been excellent in the nursing department since. It is a total day-by-day thing, but it's safe to say I'll be able to continue past the six month mark (which had been what I was forcing myself to go to; anything after that is a bonus). Thanks to my continuing taking fenugreek I even have stored breastmilk in the freezer for the first time in two months!

The only thing that kept me from quitting last month was thinking about the times when Logan's nursing well and my milk is a good quantity, how I can't say with 100% certainty that I'm ready to give that up yet. It's such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. We're never going to be back here & relive this. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. . .I don't want to wish it away because it's not like my pregnancy where I only enjoyed three days out of the 8/9 months--I have really loved the nursing experience. And, why buy formula when my milk is free? (Since he still has to have milk until he's a year old.) Especially since I saw it's effects when I had my cold and Logan never got it--the antibodies in my milk clearly protected him. What if I can protect him during the winter viruses, too?

At the same time, even though those two days last month were the first two days (aside from when he had jaundice) that I went 24 hrs and more without nursing him, I have pumped more during these nearly six months than I have breastfed. Doing BOTH for six months is EXTREMELY exhausting. When I said in last month's blog that I was only going to put up with one more "down" time (which happened when I contacted La Leche), I meant it. The next time it happens I'm putting my pump away--which means I'll be drying up. When that's going to happen, I don't know. I hope not until January (when Logan has his surgery at nine months old). So, in the meantime I'm treasuring every moment because I don't know which moment will be my last.

I read in my What To Expect book that resistance to nurse is often a sign of teething (because it's too painful on their gums), so at least I had a reason for his strike last month which helped ease the stress. (Also reading that it passes.) Logan even had a hard time with the bottle one day (only drinking 6 oz in a 24 hr period) and so we had to feed him the last two of those ounces with a dropper! The strange thing was the day before the strike he'd had way too much--16 oz in a 4 hr period! I think he was just confused with all of the discomforts in his body. He would be perfectly happy and then all of a sudden point to his lower gum area and scream in horrible pain!

I called our pediatrician and they said it could be two things: teething and/or constipation, because he hadn't pooped in 24 hrs. They said we could give him baby Tylenol (which we never had before), and if that didn't work then to bring him in. Fortunately, the Tylenol worked. He fell asleep that night and has been fine since.

He still chews on his finger a lot--and lately has been wrapping his lower lip around his gums and smacking like an old man without any teeth which is really funny. (I think that soothes the area--I remember doing something similar when I had braces!) So I think he is getting used to the aching; from what I've read, the first teeth hurt the worst so if we can just get through the first two he should do a lot better with the others. Unfortunately, he seems to fall into the category of "gradual teethers." Some it happens quickly for without much fuss, others it goes on for a couple of months. Since Joe was 7 months old (according to his baby book) when his first tooth popped through (and I was 9 months old, which was the same as 7 months since I was premature), I'm guessing we have another month before there's a noticeable white tooth above the surface. I have no problem with that (it seems later is better) as long as he's not cranky until then! When he is, the things that work for most babies don't work for him. He doesn't like teething toys because they aren't food (he gets upset if something is in his mouth and he can't eat it; he hasn't had a pacifier in almost two months). Our pediatrician recommended a refrigerated washcloth but that didn't work, either. Several people have recommended Oragel, so if we have another painful screaming week that will be something I'll ask my pediatrician about. (Also on my list to try: frozen fruit in a bag and Hyland's Homeopathic Teething Tablets. Because, I'm not against Tylenol but only want to give it to Logan when I've tried everything else so that it's not a regular thing, since according to CNN there is new evidence that there is a link between Tylenol and asthma. (Joe's sister AnMarie has asthma so I don't want to take any chances.) I tried the all-natural gripe water twice, but either it didn't work or wasn't quick enough, so I don't regret giving Logan the Tylenol since it immediately took away his pain.)

Fortunately, month five (meaning everything after the teething/constipation week through now) has been a lot easier than month four. Even though he stopped sleeping 11 hrs straight through the night (as I said in my Feeding Solids Won't Make Your Baby Sleep Better blog, he's been getting me up a couple of times during an 8 hr night's sleep), I've felt a lot more able to handle everything than in August.

I thought months one thru three were the easiest (all Logan did was eat & sleep). Month four was my least favorite because it was the hardest (he was suddenly unpredictable so I had to start figuring out "the whole parent thing"--and that was when he had his first few fussy days, and he began getting a lot more active and needing constant stimulation which required more energy from me). Month five was my favorite (Logan has been the most fun because his personality is coming out now, and although he's still really active he has been better about playing by himself. Best of all, he still smiles and laughs all day)!

So our only complaint during his fifth month was the relapse with his sleep. I know that it's common to have problems getting a baby adjusted to "betime," but Logan has always seemed to understand that by 10 pm you sleep for a long stretch of time! I've never had to rock him or do any of the other things a lot of parents have to do to get their babies to sleep. He's always fallen asleep easily, on his own his entire life--as long as we put him in his carseat.

But, as I said in my post last Monday (after he only slept 6 hours that night), he's started waking up during the night (although it's only for a few minutes, but happens every night) so we haven't fed him cereal and in the week since then he's taken good naps AND slept at least 8 hours at night--but last Mon, Tues, and Wed nights he got me up once to nurse for 5-10 minutes. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights he got me up twice. However, Sunday (last) night he slept straight through from 10 pm to 8 am, so I'm really hoping we're back on track.

On Thursday evening we fed him vegetables (carrots) for the first time (followed by Friday and Sunday), so I'm not sure if there's a pattern with the food or not. (We're going to add the cereal back in tomorrow--only start giving it to him as breakfast instead of supper--which will be vegetables.)

One of the other things it could be is that he's really into rolling all over the place now (from back to tummy and tummy to back), and I read that often babies' sleep is disrupted when they are excited about a new trick they've learned. Whenever he wakes me up to come into his room during the middle of the night, he's always on his stomach (I always put him on his back to sleep). Since he only rolls to the right (after I posted a blog about how maybe he'd be left handed, he hasn't done one thing on his left since!) he gets frustrated when something is blocking his roll (like the crib) and so then he can't return from tummy to back, which makes him start crying. The only thing that gets him back to sleep is me nursing him for five simple minutes, and then I can put him back in the crib and he either stays asleep until morning or he flips over a couple of hours later and cries for me again. I know he doesn't really need milk, that's just the easiest thing to get us both back to sleep quickly.

"They say" you're not supposed to give them milk to sleep because it's a crutch, but the one thing Logan has consistantly done is wean himself from all of his crutches on his own. So I won't be surprised if pretty soon he falls back to sleep during the night without milk. If not, then we're going to have to schedule a week to follow the tips in my What To Expect book as far as teaching him to relax on his own.

The only thing he's substituted the nursing for is walks. This is not something we will be able to do in the winter so this week we're giving that up. It's all pretty typical for this age, though--apparently babies soothing themselves is a learned thing, it doesn't happen naturally.) Joe can swing his carseat back & forth which also does the trick, but I can't--I've tried and about broke my back!

Anyway, it was after the teething week when Logan had his very first rice cereal on Saturday, September 20th. It is hilarious--in between bites these days he bangs his fists on his tray, like to say "more! more!" He wants to eat as fast as he does by drinking milk! He definitely likes food, he didn't even act as if the carrot flavor was anything new--both the cereal and the vegetables are going smoothly, so we'll introduce squash this week. We still haven't fed him solid food every day. . .it sounds like we have until month seven before we have to do that, which is good because it is taking adjustment on Joe & my part, too because it makes our supper time take a lot longer!

My parents came over for the day/night on Sunday, September 21st and we went to Texas Roadhouse, and then Joe & I went to the movie theater. The movie choices didn't look that good but we didn't want to pass up the one chance we had to go to the theater, so we picked Traitor. It actually turned out to be super good!!!

Unfortunately, my parents had to call us halfway through the movie because Logan had started crying and they couldn't get him to stop. I reminded them to rock the carseat while giving a bottle, and it worked. Logan was asleep when Joe & I arrived home.

The following week (Tuesday, September 23 thru Thursday, September 25) Sandi came over to help out with Logan while I went shopping and also had my rescheduled annual exam. My nurse chatted with me for a while (and I saw the picture she had told me about on the phone in early September--she wasn't kidding, it's smack dab in the middle of the bulletin board!) and then my doctor came in.

I talked to her about going on progesterone, but I had been prepared that doctors generally won't prescribe it because it's "alternative" medicine. My doctor instead recommended Depro Vera (the birth control shot). She said it's called the pseudo pregnancy drug because often women like me who felt their mood was more stable while pregnant find the same thing with the shot. But it also makes you not have your period at all and can take up to a year after you go off of it to get pregnant again. (Plus, some women actually end up with worse moods, bleeding, and other negative side effects.) That just doesn't sit well with me, so I declined. Fortunately, the past three weeks my mood has been a lot better than it was the end of August/early September. I think my period starting the week after my appointment had a lot to do with it because I feel totally normal and stable now and think my hormones are 100% where they "are supposed" to be, so I don't think I'm going to even have to take progesterone. I think August & September my hormones were just trying to even out after being really high from pregnancy and then having to drop in order to be a "regular" woman again.

My doctor actually predicted that I was going to start my period by six months post-partum, after what I'd told her about my symptoms in August & September. So far she has never made a wrong prediction about me! I enjoyed talking with her about "all things pregnancy and mother-related" and then she did my exam, commenting that I couldn't have healed any better. But I was most pleased with how she sat down and chatted with me about my cousin.

That morning I'd received an e-mail from my cousin who lost a baby boy last year at 26 weeks gestation, and went into labor at 24 weeks with this second pregnancy--but doctors have stopped it by stitching up her cervix (an emergency cerclage) and putting her on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I didn't expect my doctor to take time out of her busy schedule to explain everything to me. I really appreciated it.

Having a baby of my own has made me even more sensitive to topics regarding children. It seems like there's been all of this horrible stuff on TV lately that I wish I hadn't seen because I'd prefer to pretend anything negative associated with babies didn't exist. Anyone who watched Oprah on September 2 knows what I'm talking about. I'm not even going to repeat it to spare those who don't know. Then, last week I was flipping by America's Most Wanted which I never watch but for some reason decided to see what their opening story was. It was about a father who was shot by two guys, and when they saw he had a six month old baby in the car they shot him in the head! That's Logan's age! It made me so horribly upset--babies are the most innocent and loving and special and wonderful beings on this earth and to know that there is just ONE out there not being treated like a gem just kills me. Every day there's something on the news about shaken baby syndrome or a baby with burns and bites on them--or even just yesterday I heard of a 4-year-old whose mother is going to jail because the 4-year-old demonstrated to police how her parents taught her to use a bong to smoke pot! What is wrong with people?! Ugh, I can't stand it. I get so sick over these stories that the only thing that gets me functioning normally again after hearing them is to to know that those babies are going to be held by God in heaven and the people who treat them like trash on earth are going to pay the price someday. I wish I could save all of the babies out there and give them the love and security that Logan has. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Logan smile.

Joe was able to have "male bonding" with Logan on September 27th--that Saturday I went scrapbooking with Heather, Sarah, and Lisa which was a lot of fun, especially since it was Lisa's first time. I also went to Jenn's for scrapbooking on Wednesday (October 1)--it had been since March! (The day before I had a hair appt.) So hopefully I can join Jenn every other week now. It was great to have an afternoon with other moms while our kids all played. Even though Logan was the youngest, he was the biggest, lol.

Speaking of which, the girl I told you about here who is a mutual friend of the bride whose wedding Joe & I were going to go to last weekend (but didn't because they wouldn't let us bring Logan) has a baby that is 6.5 months old and weighs ELEVEN pounds. Am I the only one or does that not seem right? This baby was nearly seven pounds at birth so I am really confused as to how she could only gain a little over four pounds in 6.5 months. I know that her parents aren't starving her or anything, and am sure they're taking her to the pediatrician regularly to make sure she's healthy. . .but I don't think my pediatrician would allow Logan to be eleven pounds! What I mean is, the mother is breastfeeding. When Logan lost an entire pound during his first three days of life, my pediatrician was like, "If Logan doesn't reach his birthweight by his two week check-up you're going to need to supplement with formula."

Now here's the thing--since breastfeeding to motherhood has become my morning sickness to pregnancy, I've learned a lot about it. And, that means I understand this can be a controversial subject, so I respect those with different opinions than mine. There are a lot of women out there who believe you should breastfeed your baby at all costs. For example, a friend of Joe's sister out in San Francisco has a baby that lost more than a pound after it was born and had not even gained an ounce a month later. Her doctor was telling her she needed to supplement--but the woman refused because she only wanted to exclusively breastfeed. She wouldn't even pump because she was worried bottle-feeding would give the baby nipple confusion. Now after my experience with Logan I am going to be more patient with my next baby in case they have a similar situation I'd prefer not to go through this same rollercoaster. BUT, I have to agree with my pediatrician--while breastmilk is best, formula-feeding is better than a non-growing baby who is breastfeeding!!! If Logan had been 5 lbs at a month old I wouldn't have trusted that he was healthy, so it confuses me that since the whole point of breastfeeding is to make sure your baby is in top health, how can some people be okay with their babies being so tiny?

I didn't ask the girl I know, so it could be that they tried formula and that didn't work, but I'm curious as to how much she pumps (because she works outside the home and made a comment that she pumps)--here I am with a twenty pound baby taking fenugreek! If I didn't, then Logan would probably be eleven pounds, too (and also a lot fussier). It makes sense that not all babies have the same appetite (I have no doubt that part of what's made nursing hard for me is that Logan is hungrier than babies who are NOT in the 90th percentile) but it seems like a small appetite at this age is a sign of something wrong.

So I just don't sit well when I hear stories like one that was on the news a few months ago about a baby that was in the hospital and needed to be on IV fluids but the mom kept unplugging the baby because she wanted to breastfeed him/her and so the hospital was taking her to court because if she kept doing that the baby was going to die! I can understand being passionate about breastfeeding, but there comes a point when if a baby is not growing, how can a mother continue?

Well anyway, Logan did really well at Jenn's even though it was during his normal naptime, but we had to leave after a couple of hours because Logan won't sleep in public anymore--he'll stay awake all day if there's "action" going on.

That evening Jenn, her husband Dave, and their three kids Hayden, Tanner, and Maren (who is one year older than Logan) came over for a game night. . .but we got to talking instead and eating puppy chow and I made lemon bars. Hayden, who is 6, and Tanner, who is 3, played our WII while we acquainted Maren & Logan :-)

On Thursday, October 2nd, Lisa & her one-year-and-nine-month old daughter Lexi came over for sandwiches. It was a great lunch with Lisa, and Lexi is a doll. Her little brother or sister will be here in a month!

That afternoon I took Logan for a walk in his stroller and saw our CBS affiliate interviewing a little boy outside his house, which is a few down from us. So I watched the news that night and was shocked to see the close-call that family had (their baby almost drowned in their pool). You can watch the exact interview I saw here.

For the past couple of weeks I've tried to take Logan on walks frequently since according to our meterologists, we had our last nice day this past weekend. Prior to then it was too hot, and now if winter is coming that means we're skipping fall. I hope not, this is my favorite season! The leaves are just starting to change color!

Joe and I took Logan to the park for the first time on Friday, October 3rd. Logan acted like he knew he was doing a "big boy" activity, it was so cute. We picked up a pizza and enjoyed a picnic before going down the slide with him, playing in the sand, and putting him on the rocking horse and other equipment.

That was the weekend we originally were going to go back to Iowa for the wedding. It turned out for the best that we didn't go because Joe ended up having to work on Saturday at 5:30 AM to give a presentation in front of important people (that's about as far as I get understanding his job, lol). This afternoon I received an e-mail from the girl who first told me children weren't allowed at the wedding, asking where I was. :(

Instead, on Saturday, October 4th, I put out our Halloween decorations and we took Logan to pick out a pumpkin :-) We ended up with three: one for Joe, one for me, and a tiny one for the litte guy!

On Sunday, October 5th we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart and finally bought a kitchen table!

For last week, I met Brooke (who I used to work with at the radio station and hadn't seen in over two years) for lunch at Perkins! In my post, Returning To Normal (Is That A Good Thing?) I mentioned that she is pregnant and due in April, so we had a great time talking about pregnancy and motherhood. From there I went back to the station with her to see their new studios and my other former co-workers. They were all shocked that I had a baby almost six months old. Somedays I can't believe it, either!

Not much else to report last week except that we decided it was time for Logan to stop sleeping in his carseat. As I mentioned earlier, that's always where he's fallen asleep--naps and for the night (until I put him in his crib once he's already sleeping). It's made life easier for all of us, because we've never had to go to any work at getting him to fall asleep (and if we want to sleep with no interruptions during the night, guaranteed, then all we have to do is leave him in there) but in the long run I know that will make bedtime harder. Experts recommend putting babies in their crib when they're drowsy so that they learn how to go to sleep on their own.

So, last Thursday I put the carseat out of sight and it was the first time that Logan took all of his naps and slept from beginning to end in the crib. It went better than I thought, but we haven't gotten to the point where we can just put him in there and say goodnight. What I mean is, I have to nurse him and play a music box until he starts to drift off in my arms--then I place him in his crib but he always starts crying, so I repeat this a couple more times before he cries for just a few seconds, then rolls to his side and abruptly stops--sound asleep.

For these past four days it's taken 20 minutes to get him to sleep (when it used to take 1-2 minutes putting him in his carseat). Hopefully he'll realize he doesn't HAVE to flip over every time he's laying down (he still has a tendency to sleep with his face DOWN), and maybe his body is used to the new food so it won't treat him like he's had a bunch of caffeine--and then he'll stay asleep!

He still doesn't take the naps that he used to before five months old. . .but I think that has more to do with his age now. He's down to one, two-hour nap now from 10 to noon. Then, he might take a half-an-hour nap during the 4:00 hour but otherwise is awake the rest of the day until 10 PM to 6, 7, or 8 AM.

My hope is that once he gets used to knowing he's always falling asleep in his crib (which seems to already be happening) then I won't have to always nurse him to get him there. But, I haven't worked my butt off at breastfeeding to now suddenly take it away from him!

Since he prefers nursing to go to sleep, Joe's had a harder time getting him to sleep in his crib than I have. For instance, I was going to go scrapbooking with the girls on Friday (October 10th--my mom's birthday!) but Joe had a busy week at work and thought he might have to work late on Friday. Needless to say, he was exhausted, and since all of the new transitions last week with Logan were changing our schedule around so that it was extra work for ALL THREE OF US that night, I decided to pass.

On Saturday, though, we had Matt & Stacy over for Logan's third playdate with Jaxson! We ordered pizza and were, once again, amazed at how alike Logan & Jaxson are. Babies must be pretty simple creatures because these two do the same "unique" things, make the same sounds, etc. Towards the end they were taking turns crying which was funny. They were both tired and so one would get fussy which would cause the other to smile, then they would stop and switch! I don't think they ever cried at the same time. Logan was the most interested in Jaxson that he's ever been--he seemed fascinated at times!

They definitely like each other, so hopefully they always will! (By the way, until now they've always been the same size but Jaxson is now taller & weighs more than Logan.)

For this week, my mom is coming over tomorrow (Tuesday, October 14) to Thursday (October 16) for the last time before the weather gets bad. I'm hoping to get some shopping in--mainly clothes for Logan & me since last year I wore maternity clothes so I have no fall/winter stuff to wear, and until now Joe & I haven't had to buy any for Logan because we'd received enough as gifts (but most were summer outfits).

Hopefully I won't become a hermit this winter, since the thought of bundling Logan up and going outside seems hard. I can see myself taking the easy way out and just not ever leaving the house. So, I'm trying to take him around with me as much as possible now (because even though I've never had a bad experience taking Logan out in public, I tend to wait to do any shopping until Joe gets home from work so that he can watch him). But, I want to feel comfortable this winter--especially with Christmas shopping--so I'm going to practice the rest of this month. :p

The last time I took him out (last week), he had his first blowout diaper in a long time (fortunately there were barely any during month five) so I had to change him on the floor of a restroom (because there was no changing table)--but rather than scream & cry, Logan just laughed at me!

Fortunately, I think he's about at the age where I can start going grocery shopping with him--until now I haven't been able to because I have to keep him in the carseat which takes up the whole cart. But now that he can sit up on his own I might give the little seat in front a try. . .wish me luck!

Wow, I have finally covered the past month. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write more frequently in the future so that I can make sure not to forget the little things that Logan does these days--like, I don't think I've ever mentioned that for the past couple of months when he yawns he always makes a loud sigh which is entertaining. And, when we feed him a bottle he always strokes our arms. Also, for the past month or two he has clearly known his name. This is stuff I might someday forget, so I want to jot it down now!