Cosmo's Update

We heard the results about Cosmo (this pic was taken 3/9/07). My vet called at noon today (for my other two posts about this subject click here and here). . .my prediction was right - it is stage 2. Apparently this is the most confusing stage of cancer. The good news is that it's not stage 3 or 4 which are death sentences for a maltipoo - if that had been the case, he would only have 4 months to live if we didn't do chemotherapy (which we have decided we just can't put our 10 lb already-fragile-acting dog through). However, the bad news is it's not stage 1. If it was, they wouldn't do anything else from this point (other than watch to make sure another tumor doesn't show up). He could live a long life without any further problems.

But because it is a stage 2, that means this is not the end. She said that she went farther than just removing the tumor - she removed 2 cm around it which helps prevent the spread. The good news is that when the pathologist reviewed Cosmo's slides they said that to the sides it was 0 which indicated it hadn't spread. However, in the deep tissues it was a milimeter. She said thankfully that is an incredibly small amount, however she doesn't like to see ANY. Because it was a milimeter that means the cells are rapidly dividing and it can quickly change to a stage 3 or 4. There's another surgery we can do to try and prevent this, however I stopped taking notes about it because that's when I started crying - it sounded so incredibly awful - both the invasive procedure and Cosmo's life afterwards. . .so basically our only option is to just wait. (This pic was taken 6/7/07)We wait until there is another tumor, which because it is stage 2 means there will be another one - we just don't know when. At the first sign we bring him in ASAP. At best, Stage 2 dogs can live up to 5 more years which would make him 9 - that is average for many dogs (although maltipoos have a life expectancy of 15-20). At worst, he'll develop another tumor within the year that is stage 3 or 4 which will give him roughly 4 months from that point.

Right now he is doing excellent, but I still hugged him and sobbed when I got off the phone with my vet. I know it could have been worse as a stage 3 or 4 right now, but I didn't realize that stage 2 essentially means that at some point it will become a stage 3 or 4.

Ugh, there is just no way to make this easy. (This pic was taken 9/29/06) What's worse: coming home and being the one to find your pet dead or taking them to the vet to put them to sleep? No thanks on either one. What's worse: Having it drag out (like this) or having it happen abruptly (like what happened to my friend Sarah 1.5 years ago when she visited me and found out her dog died while she was gone)? I guess I do better with things when I'm prepared, so maybe the way it's happening is the best way for us with the inevitable. (Although I hope he doesn't experience sickness and pain.)

We have an appt. on Monday to get his stiches out. . .his inscision looks so much better than when we brought him home exactly a week ago. Right now Cosmo is happy and doesn't act sick or in pain, so we'll take it day by day.

Cosmo

Thank you to everyone who has given me encouragement since my post, Poor Pup.

Cosmo wasn't released until 6:30 pm tonight. Since he wasn't ready to be picked up until the clinic closed, our vet had already left so I know nothing about the surgery or how it went. :( Joe picked up Cosmo on his way home from work and they told him that the results will be in the early part of next week.

Cosmo has a HUGE scar on his chest. I didn't expect it to look quite so awful, but because he's only 10 lbs it covers over half of him. They shaved the area and he's got bloody stitches so of course the poor thing will be on pain medication for awhile. Good news is that he is acting normal, aside from walking kind of weird (probably because of the incision). I thought maybe Joe would be carrying him inside but Cosmo ran into our house, full of energy and his tail wagging, very excited to be home. He went right for his food and water (he hasn't had anything since yesterday) so at least he seems to be recuperating well! (Both dogs are recovered now from whatever ailed them over the weekend.)

As for me, I spoke too soon last night when I said that all I had was a sore throat and cough - today my nose started running like Niagra Falls and by late afternoon I felt MISERABLE. I haven't had a chance to take my temp, but I was burning up & sweating an hour ago. Logan has a runny nose and cough, too (virus #7 of the year) but of course when I'm sick I have no energy at all (plus my period is due any minute) whereas he seemed to have more energy today than normal! It was a hard day since I felt like being alone in bed all day but I don't know if it's because Logan could tell I wasn't acting normal and so he decided to be a daredevil or what the reason - but he was trying to do all kinds of dangerous things today that he hadn't attempted since he was 14 months old. He also decided to be picky again about his food. He wouldn't eat vegetables yesterday or today - or really anything nutritous, so then when I refused to feed him what he wanted, he threw temper tantrums. He hadn't thrown any for awhile but thankfully they are still short so he gets over them quickly and returns to playing - until later when he realizes he hasn't eaten and then the cycle begins again. This happened before and it was just a phase so hopefully this time will be brief, too.

The funny thing is that this week he has been saying his FIRST SENTENCE - every time he wants something he says, "I want that!" Needless to say he is saying it frequently, lol.

He also is very empathetic. Any time I have any inflection in my voice (for example, if I can't find my keys and I'm like, "where are my keys?!") he starts whimpering and his face gets all contorted. He becomes worried if he thinks something is broken or if I get hurt or am sad. I've been telling him that he is a kid and he's too young to worry!

I forgot to mention that when we hung out with Joe's HS friends last Fri. night one of the couples has a 2.5 year old girl and she was a total doll. Logan was playing in her play room and of course he had to collect all of the balls he could find. I'm still new with the whole comfort object thing since he never had anything until a couple of weeks ago. Some days he's glued to balls and takes them to bed with him and other days he doesn't, so I forgot to pack them on the trip. So when it was time to leave, he would not let go! We kept trying to entice him to throw the balls or give them to Delaney (the little girl) but he wouldn't so I had to peel his fingers away for him to let go. As we carried him away, he was screaming and very upset. Well then Delaney came running after him and insisted that he have one of the balls! I was so touched at how sweet and selfless that was. We tried to refuse several times but she and her mom insisted we take it. Logan was immediately happy and DID NOT LET THE BALL GO the rest of the night!!!!

I've covered everything else from our week, except that yesterday (our first day back from our trip) I took Logan to Babysitter's for the morning but she called me to pick him up early because during the 11:00 hr he'd fallen asleep on the floor and didn't move despite her moving him to a crib, the other kids playing loudly, and then them starting lunch! (Not like him at all) She was really concerned and so was I when I got there and he didn't move from the crib (he saw me but continued laying there). I picked him up and he was just like a rag doll in my arms with his head on my shoulder. I talked to Babysitter for a minute and he didn't move at all, nor when I put him into his carseat. When we arrived home I put him in his crib and thought he'd be out for a long time. Instead, 15 minutes later he woke up! I wondered if it was because normally he eats lunch before I pick him up and put him down for his nap. So I fed him . . .but he ended up being full of energy and totally happy yesterday! He didn't end up taking his nap until 4 pm! I had to wake him at 7 because I didn't want his schedule to get off. Thankfully he went to bed for the night at 9 pm and slept 'til 7 this morning and has been back to normal with his sleep since. Joe assumed his falling asleep at Babysitter's was because he was tired from the weekend and not his virus.

This morning we took a quick walk, and in the afternoon he played outside in our yard briefly. I feel absolutely awful right now so I am actually going to bed already. This will be it for my blogging this week. Sorry no memes - I'll get back into that next week when I have news about Cosmo and hopefully am recovered!

Poor Pup

Joe and I will be driving home from Chicago today! In a post I wrote over the summer (Our Weekend) I mentioned that we had bought Chicago Bears tickets because my husband is a huge Bears fan but has never seen a game at Soldier Field. So on Friday when he got off of work we drove to his mom's house in Iowa, spent the night with Logan, and then on Saturday morning Joe and I drove to Chicago until today. We will pick up Logan at my parents' place in Iowa (where he went yesterday) and then return home to Nebraska.

I'll save my post about our weekend in Chicago for tomorrow. For today, I'll catch you up on the past week:

Monday was Logan's 18 Month Check-Up, which I already wrote about in Friday's post (First Peanut Butter).

On Tuesday we had the dogs' vet appointment, as those know who read my post (The Dog Expert Has Been Called). However, what I had thought was going to be a very simple appt. didn't turn out to be. (I wish I'd brought more for Logan than just puffs - we sat in a room for an hour-and-a-half so after the first hour he got whiny!)

Early in the summer Cosmo (my male maltipoo) had a bump on his side that wasn't anything. The vet had shaved the area and it went away on its own right away. However, a month later a different bump (more lumpy and bigger) appeared on his chest. I didn't take him in right away because we'd JUST gone for the other lump that was nothing.

Then, a couple of weeks ago (after approximately two months of Cosmo having the lump), I had a dream that we had to put Cosmo to sleep. I was very upset when I woke up and immediately called the vet for an appt. But I still didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. Cosmo just turned 4 on Halloween so he is young. (This pic was taken 5/27/07; you can see more pics in my post titled A One Year-Old And Two Dogs)It wasn't until we were waiting for our vet to return to the room with results from the biopsy, that I began thinking about my complaints from the past couple of years. Aside from Bella biting Logan twice, my frustration has been about Cosmo because he's the one that barks, he's the one that doesn't always obey, he's the one who I have a hard time controlling when he's around strangers and other dogs. But he also makes me smile the most because he can act so silly, he makes me feel so much love because he's so affectionate and loving (Bella is, too, but she'll pull away and decide when she's had enough, Cosmo will kiss you forever), and he's the only one (of all three of my kids, lol) that will let me hold him as long as I want!

So I feel awful that two weeks ago when I thought that I might have to give my dogs away because they've suddenly both started biting, I was so depressed at the thought of them possibly going to someone who could abuse them or somewhere they would be unhappy - the thought came to my mind that giving them up might be harder on me than them dying. I believe that our pets go to heaven with us (they are the definition of love). So that's when I knew the results before the vet told me. . .because that's how life works. . .ugh :(

Sure enough, she said Cosmo has "definite cancer." The good news is that if it is stage 1 or 2 then all they do is remove the lump and that should be it. The bad news is that if that happens, more than likely it will come back and so we will have to keep a close eye on him for the rest of his life. If it is stage 3 or 4 then we will have treatment options such as chemotherapy. . .but I can't even bear to think about that. Cosmo is my fragile dog. The reason why he can get out of control is because he is so timid and insecure. There's no way he'd do well with chemo, and I don't want him in ANY pain. The slightest thing scares him and it's always very obvious whenever he's in pain, whereas Bella has never once acted sick or in pain (which I find hard to believe has never happened in 4.5 years). Therefore, if it's stage 3 or 4 then that awful dream I had the night before I made the appt. is going to come true. :(

The vet took some blood and a urine sample. . .and the next day she called and said his urine showed that the cancer has possibly spread to his kidneys (which would mean it's in other organs as well). We won't know anymore until his surgery - this Wednesday, November 11th.

I'm trying to remain strong until then. (This pic was taken on 7/7/07.) Apparently there is sometimes a false positive with the urine and so it doesn't mean the cancer is for sure a stage 3 or 4. I'm reminding myself things could be worse - thank God it is not Logan. After being through some scares with him (his jaundice, his brachial cleft fistula) I will never prepare myself for Logan to die because I pray to God I will die before him - but I have always been prepared that there was going to be a horrible day that I'd witness Bella & Cosmo's death. Hopefully this isn't the time for Cosmo, but there is no avoiding it someday, and chances are we know what's ultimately going to take him.

In some ways I think it might be easier on Logan if it did happen now, though. They are so incredibly close already, their bond is only going to get stronger as the years go by. While Bella would be fine without Logan, I think Cosmo's best time of his life has been since Logan was born! I think he feels he has a purpose (big brother to Logan) and he gets so much joy from playing with and kissing Logan.

But it's never going to be easy on me. On Thursday Joe said, "Can you imagine how awful it'd be driving driving Cosmo to the vet knowing that once he gets there he'll be put down?" That night I balled my eyes out.

I'm the one who holds and comforts Cosmo when he's scared, who has rubbed his belly when he's been sick, who has cuddled with him on the couch (he's the one who is always on my lap), and I'm the one who picked out the little guy at the pet store (I'm never buying from a pet store again - Bella was from a breeder and has never had one health problem, Cosmo's already had problems with his knee caps, teeth, stomach, etc.). Cosmo's soul is just so gentle and sweet. He's so playful, so happy-go-lucky. Joe said he has always felt closer to Cosmo (Bella's always been "Mommy's girl") and so it's sad to see Joe crushed about this news, too. At least right now Cosmo's not showing any signs that he has cancer. Except that he's on Bendadryl from the biopsy until his surgery (yes, the over-the-counter stuff for humans) so he has been lazy since his appt.

But there's definitely no way I'm giving my dogs away now (as I said before, it's either both or none). I'm not giving up on my Cozzy! So if he ends up having many more years with us then hopefully Sally The Dog Lady will help me.

That morning I had gone over to Jenn's (my friend and next door neighbor) for scrapbooking. She hadn't had a scrapbooking day since April because then she went to Utah for the summer (where she's from) and I'd put scrapbooking on hold in place of a photography hobby. However, a couple of months ago I mentioned on this blog that Joe & I have decided to wait until the spring semester to take our photography & photo shop class (i.e. start the hobby). So it was fun to get caught up on scrapbooking now that Jenn's baby is 2 months old and she's started it up again with other stay at home moms in our neighborhood from her church (she's Mormon). I enjoyed the company of the other moms and the yummy lunch prepared by Jenn!

I forgot to mention last month that I resigned from writing web health articles (all of the same info is posted on my blog in the middle of various posts so if you read my blog then you haven't missed anything). I found out the doctor's website had permission to copyright my work and would get paid if they distributed it. I prefer owning my work so I decided a year was enough of that. But throughout the year it was great to receive awards and recognition for helping other moms and moms to be.

Not much happened on Wednesday. . .I took Logan on our first walk since the dog biting experience but we went to a different part of my neighborhood. I also decided to cancel our appt. with Sally The Dog Lady that evening, until after Cosmo's surgery. . .I figured his health is enough to focus on right now, we'll worry again about my dogs' behavior later.

On Thursday Logan went to the sitter's. Whenever I pick him up he gets in a toy car and drives away! It's so funny, Babysitter was like, "He does that every single time! I wonder what his thought process is?!" She said he doesn't even really drive it around the rest of the time!

We finished the day by taking a walk and playing outside. After 30 days on it, I put The Five Factor Diet on hold until after Christmas. With Halloween, Cosmo's ordeal, and our Chicago trip I lost my motivation. :/ So hopefully I'll keep off the 7 I lost (I plan to still do the eliptical every day - it's the only time I get to watch TV, haha - I rent television DVDs) and then I can resume losing the last 13 after the new year before I get pregnant with baby #2!

Lately Logan has been making a horse sound when he picks up his toy horse (he's never made animal sounds before like a lot of kids do), as well as cow and sheep, so that's cute. He hasn't said any new words lately - his talking depends on his mood: some days he'll say up to 40 words on his own, other days just one or two.

We are surprised that Logan likes spicy food. We first discovered this at a Mexican restaurant Joe & I ate at a couple of weeks ago - Logan was whining because we were eating the chips and salsa and weren't giving any to him. So we thought we'd give him a taste, assuming he wouldn't like it and then he wouldn't whine anymore - ha ha! But instead, he did - and it wasn't that he just liked it, he LOVED it! He would have eaten the whole bowl of salsa had we let him! Since then there's been a couple of other times he's begged for a taste of a spicy dish we're eating and he acts like he's never tasted something so good! Maybe that's why spicy food never bothered me while pregnant or nursing like most mothers! :p

Unrelated, he's has began having nightmares again. :( They've only been when he is done sleeping (it's what has woken him up after a full night's sleep or a long nap) but it had been since July since I'd heard that horrible scream so hopefully they will stop again ASAP. (For those who don't know, Logan's had night terrors ever since he was a newborn. Joe and I were so caught off guard back then because we never had them as children and didn't even know it was possible for babies that young, especially since he's had a very stable, secure, gentle, sheltered, love-filled, pampered life! Plus, he was so happy and calm in his daily life, never fussy or crying for long. He never woke up and they stopped around five months old, but returned briefly around nine months old - that's when we learned from our pediatrician and reading articles that it is some babies' way of their brain developing! The Night Terrors Resource Center says: "Sleep labs across the United States and Canada have shown through sleep studies, that Night Terrors happen due to increased brain activity." It happened again briefly when he was 11 months old and again briefly at 15 months. This must mean his brain is changing again at 18.5 months. You can read the difference between night terrors and nightmares here.)