*I'm posting this a day early because my mother-in-law is coming over tomorrow so I have to use that day to clean the house!
The topic of my Friday Frustrations? My dogs.
If you've been reading my blog for awhile then you already know the background story (to read the posts now, click here and here). I have two maltipoos. Bella, a female, born 1/30/05. Cosmo, a male, born 10/31/05. Both were easy and ideal until the summer of 2007 when we put our house for sale. Not long after that I got pregnant and we moved. Over the past two years I have lost control over them. They bark, and now as of the past six months, they both bite.
This past May Bella bit Logan for the first time (he was 13 months old) and so I began taking both of my dogs for walks every time I went with Logan because I'd heard and read that might help a dog get out any built-up aggression (even though she wasn't showing aggression at any other time - this came out of nowhere). It worked until August - then she bit him again (he was 16 months old and again this came during a week when she was playing and kissing with him galore). So I was given the name and number of a dog behavior specialist in our area; I wanted to first try to see if having an expert work with my dogs might help so that I wouldn't have to just immediately give them away. However, we were required to get them a physical first and two months quickly went by before we've had the chance. Fortunately, Bella's been good since then.
However, if you read Tuesday's post then you saw I said that something upsetting happened on our walk Monday. Cosmo started freaking out with every car that drove by and every dog that barked or he saw. This has been his behavior the past two years and so I jerked his collar like I always do and firmly told him to stop it or else he would be going home. I should have taken him home. But, he began walking well (we passed several houses with people outside and he didn't bark) and then we passed a house with a cute little girl around the age of five. She said politely, "Can I pet your dogs?" We've been asked this pretty much on every walk we've taken since we moved here and it's never been a problem. I said, "Sure" and she ran over. Both dogs were perfect and we actually talked for a good five minutes before I said "nice meeting you" and then I went on with Logan and the dogs.
We rounded the corner and as we were walking down another street, two little girls about the age of seven said the same thing, "Can we pet your dogs?" Feeling comfortable since Bella and Cosmo had both done great with the girl before, I said, "sure" again. I parked Logan's stroller and the girls walked over. One reached down towards Bella and the other reached down towards Cosmo. Only Cosmo decided to lunge, growl, and snap at the sweet little girl who tried to pet him! She happened to jerk her hand back at the same time he nipped at her and so I actually heard the sound of her skin slide against Cosmo's teeth. I was sooo hoping beyond hope that she wasn't going to flinch. But she looked down at her finger and started crying. I saw that a piece of skin had been pulled back. It wasn't bleeding, but red was showing. My heart fell to the ground. I apologized profusely and put my hand on her back trying to comfort her, but I thought I was going to start balling myself!!!
There were two women standing outside the house where they had come from and one of the women came over, I was hoping it was her mom but it was the other girl's mom. I kept saying, "I'm so sorry! I'm so so so sorry!" She looked at the girl's finger and asked her if she wanted to go home or if she wanted to wash it off inside their house. The little girl stopped crying and said she wanted to stay at their house. So she and her friend ran off and the lady pointed to the girl who was now playing and said that she was clearly fine. But I couldn't stop apologizing and I told her we wouldn't ever be letting any kids come up to my dogs again.
I'm crying as I write this because I still feel so awful. I feel worse than I did when Bella bit Logan. I had a horrible headache and stomachache on Monday night and a really hard time falling asleep, then did not sleep well at all. I think it's worse when it's someone else's child. Innocent kids see my two dogs (I doubt they ask if they can pet rottweilers) and never think they would be mean to them. The kids asked my permission - trusted me - and I betrayed them. Now, because of me, this little girl will never be the same. Joe reminded me that kids get hurt all of the time, are resilient, and she probably didn't even put a bandaid on her wound. That is true, it's not the injury which was bad - but the fact that I have now written negatively on that little girl's slate in life. Until now she looked at dogs with innocence, but because of MY dog she probably won't ever run up to a dog and ask to pet it again. She'll probably be hesitant from here on out. I don't ever want to be someone that has a negative effect on anyone!!!!
I pray that since we've all been bit my dogs and most of us are still animal lovers she will still be, too (when I was 13 I had to go to the ER because my uncle's mastiff bit my hand & lip and I even got a tetanus shot).
Maybe I should have gone over to her house to talk to her parents. I was so caught off guard by this, and with two dogs and Logan, and her house was in the opposite direction - if she had chosen to go home I would have walked with her but since she didn't, I just grabbed Cosmo and told him how bad he was and carried him the rest of the way home as I fought back tears. Then I threw him in the basement for an hour. I tried to go back out just with Logan, but I was so upset I could no longer enjoy our walk. I don't even want to go to that part of my neighborhood again. I'm so embarrassed and humiliated.
Needless to say, first thing on Tuesday I called the dog behavior specialist. I'd already scheduled an appt. with our vet for November 3rd because of Cosmo's bump which I mentioned last week, so I am adding a physical for both of my dogs so we can get this started right away. I made the appt. with Sally The Dog Lady (that's her title) for November 4th. Because, on Monday evening I wrote out a "free to a good home" ad and was in the process of uploading a picture to post on our city's advertising website until Joe told me to hold off until we try the dog expert. Monday night I was truly ready to give them away. Since it's been six months of considering this option, I am more used to the idea than I was then. It'd still be absolutely heart-breaking, though. Logan is best buds with Cosmo, even though he's only 18 months old he would miss both dogs if they were gone (and it has to be both or none). As for Joe and I, what more can I say besides our dogs are our family. Despite these "bad times" we've had so many more good times. I would definitely be in a depression if I had to give them up.
So hopefully this dog behavior specialist works. She was SUPER nice when I talked to her on the phone. She said that I won't have to give them away. She does more training of the parents than the dogs - the same type of tools we learn when parenting our kids. I don't let a stranger go up to Logan and pick him up - Logan would be scared - and so is Cosmo when kids come up to him. Therefore, she teaches all dog owners to say "no" to this (even if the dogs have never bit before) to avoid such things as this from ever happening. Of course now I can add on that it's because my dogs bite. :(
She explained that Cosmo does not need to go on a walk with Logan, me, and Bella anymore. Using parenting again: if I take Logan somewhere that he constantly screams, cries, and misbehaves then obviously that is a sign I need to stop putting him in that situation. Cosmo hasn't adjusted to walks in two years, so he obviously can't handle it. She said it is a myth that we have to socialize dogs in order for them to get along. Just as some people will never be social butterflies, there are some dogs that will never be, either. Just as I follow cues with Logan - I must do that with my dogs, too. Every time I take Cosmo for a walk I put his anxiety in overdrive. I've been doing it because I thought it would help him but how long would I force Logan to go somewhere that was causing him high stress and anxiety? It's the same for dogs. We have a fenced in yard and a big house, my 10 lb. dog can get his exercise other ways.
I must learn what I can and can not do with both of my dogs individually, just as I already know with Logan. I do not need to feel guilty or treat my two dogs equally because they are not the same and so they will actually do better in the long run this way.
She explained that when dogs bark and bite it's because they are feeling that they have to be in charge - they have to be the one to protect from whatever sparked those behaviors because Joe & I aren't going to do it for them. She thinks after just one time at our house she will be able to change this. (She charges $214 for two hours.) I sure hope so because there's just no avoiding kids in the future. If anything, our life will revolve more and more around kids with each upcoming year so my dogs need to stop being intimidated by them. I can't exactly keep Bella & Cosmo confined to the basement every day for the next 10+ years!
I'll conclude with pics from our past Halloweens together. 
5 comments:
Good luck with the dog trainer. There are some great trainers out there who can definitely teach you to work with your dogs to eliminate bad behaviors. I know how upsetting it can be to have your dog bite someone else's child. Luckily, she didn't get hurt.
Oh I know that feeling. I had a chiuahuah when I was pregnant with Dalton and I had him for years prior. He was my "baby" and one day he started digging in my stomach while I was laying on the couch. Later that week I found out I was pregnant. At that moment I knew it was time to get rid of him because he was very possessive of me which wasn't a prior problem but with Dalton getting all my attention in the future he would have attacked I was sure of it. Luckily my Uncle wanted him and it worked out perfect because I still get to see him whenever I want to. He has never bitten Dalton to this day but I still wouldn't trust him around little kids or Dalton. My moms dog though which is a lhasa apso, she has NEVER bitten anyone and NEVER even show signs of aggression. Well the other day Dalton walked up to pet her and she was growling showing teeth and went to snap. That is my mom's "baby" and I have never seen Pebbles fly in the air like that but my mom literatly threw her across the room thinking that she had bit Dalton. She has never done it again and I don't know what her problem was that day but I guess some dogs just have enough at a certain point or something. It freaked Dalton out and he cried and cried and cried even though she didn't even bite him and now he won't go near her because he thinks of her as mean. Luckily thr reason we got Aggie was because they say labs are just the best dogs with kids and we wanted a puppy so he would be raised with Dalton and would never have that akwardness with kids. He's been great so far except for his minor puppy stages that they go through but hopefully he'll grow out of those soon. I really hope the dog trainer works for you. We're taking Aggie to Mans Best Friend in Febraury to get him trained and he's getting fixed in December so he doesn't feel territorial ever. I don't know if you have a Mans Best Friend by you but they are known to work wonders. It's like 800.00 but it's for the lifetime of the dog like if in a year Cosmo is acting up with biting you can bring him back and they will soley work on that with him. But they train them in everything from sit and stay to how to walk on a leash to protecting the family. Also I don't know if your dogs are or not but it may help if they're not fixed to fix them because sometimes that can cause aggression too. I'm sure it will all work out and I hope it does for the best because I know Logan sounds like Dalton with Aggie they will get so upset if their doggies are gone. We'll say a prayer for you that they listen and pick up everything from the trainer!!!!
Now that I wrote a book about dogs haha,
I can't wait to see your pumpkins carved out. It was so much fun taking Dalton to the pumpkin patch except it wasn't that cold but it was still nice outside. You are so lucky that you have the chilly temperatures I'm so jealous lol!! It's supposed to get cold here tommorow which will be good because halloween is Saturday. We're still working on Dalton with his costume and Aggie is a whole other story. He HATES his costume that I got him. He tries to jump out of it and run like a wild child haha. We'll see what we're going to do for him to help him stay in it. I know I wish we lived closer too first so we could have that same cold weather haha and then also I just know our boys would have a blast together. I mean they're just so much alike I know they would hit it off perfect and then you and I could do crafts and decorate yay!!! Thank you for the compliment on the boxes. It was kind of a last minute thing I just wanted to get her out and now she'll stay out all through Thanksgiving but I had to make sure Aggie didn't eat her and he was trying to when she wasn't on top of the boxes. I finally got all my decorations organized for halloween and then on Sunday they are all coming down and the thanksgiving stuff is going out. I listened to my husband because he said it was "too crowded" so I divided the decor between the two holidays so I didn't have to get rid of any of them haha.
I understand why you felt bad about the little girl getting bitten but it really was not your fault. You had no idea that he was going to bite her. Please don't feel guilty.
I hope the specialist solves your problems. They really are adorable and I know how much you love them.
I found her advice very interesting. She seems like a smart lad and what she said definitely made sense.
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Have fun with your MIL's visit.
Ohhhh I felt bad for those little girl, I also hope they wont get traumatised with that incident. I read your post when bella bit logan. Just look at those dogs of yours Andrea there are so adorable, no wonder those kids wants to pet them. Well, I just hope that cosmo and bella will be back to being good dog when someone pet them.
When I read the part where the dog consultant or something how do you call that hehehe mentioned about being "incharge" it reminded me of the movie Marley and me. because even the dog trainer in that movie didn't able to tame marley the dog instead the dog run toward her and hump her leg hehehe.
Anyway, your dog are so adorable, and they are getting along with logan even ig bella bit logan once, your son still love them, so i think the little girl will be alright.
Thanks for sharing this frustration post, yeah, that is really frustrating when part of your family giving you headache and even made you cry. ahhh hug for you and kisses to your lil guys, Logan growing up so handsome everyday.
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