Nature's Class On Motherhood

Why is breastfeeding hard?

I know -- why am I writing about this topic since it's been a year since I was a nursing mom? Because, hearing that another new mother whom I know is finding it difficult (as is the case with most women), I thought back to my old posts about this topic. . .saying in one of them: "you'd think that something so natural would be easy!"

Really, breastfeeding is just the next part of pregnancy. Even for those who don't do it -- their body still makes milk. It just happens. Like all of the other miraculous things our body did for nine months. So why does nature suddenly stop? For some, it does continue easily. But for the majority, a google search I received to one of my posts last year said it best; someone had typed "I need motivation to continue breastfeeding." I remember sighing and thinking I hear ya sister! There are a wide variety of reasons that can prevent the experience from being smooth-sailing.

But -- I get it now! Twenty-two months after having my son it all makes perfect sense: It's our class on how to be mothers! Twenty-two months ago I never thought I'd say this, but I'm lucky breastfeeding wasn't a piece of cake!

Here's why, looking at it from the perspective of a first time parent: Aren't we all a little selfish living in "couple world" before that baby arrives? How can we not be -- all we have known is what we have lived. As much as we try to imagine, as much as we prepare our minds. . .we still can't fathom raising a baby until we're in that moment.

So, there we are in our regular routine and - it happens: labor. The most exhausting experience of our life. I had never needed sleep more than after I had a baby. Well, it didn't happen (at least the style or length I had preferred.)

Although I always think of God as "all things nice and loving and gentle," in this case He's kind of like the parent that throws their kid into the water to teach them how to swim, LOL. Because, giving up sleep is not enough. Breastfeeding is the ULTIMATE challenge as a mother. There you are, tired from labor (and 9 months of pregnancy) and also feeling a little bit overwhelmed mentally/emotionally/psychologically -- so if you're faced more stress when it comes to breastfeeding then it's very tempting to want to stop since this is the only area of motherhood that you really get a choice on.

Here's when you need to see that the breastfeeding struggle can be a blessing in disguise. Because, now it's clear to me that my breastfeeding struggle made my transition to being a mother easier.

Breastfeeding or not, all parents learn the ropes eventually. All parents have easy times and hard times. So don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying that those who don't breastfeed can't have all of this, too; I'm saying in my case if I was to see my parallel life having not been a breastfeeding mother, I have no doubt motherhood would have been a lot harder for me (yes, despite breastfeeding being the hardest thing I ever did in my life - but that is what makes it my proudest/most special achievement)!

For example, I remember during Logan's first week or two I sat down at the computer to blog about it. Until then, when I planned to write something -- I wrote. But there I was, writing, when eeeek my chest started hurting. But I just need to finish this thought.

OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

There was no finishing my thought, I had to stop writing now. It was a small moment in life and yet it has stuck with me because I realized that even though I was "all about my new baby," I wouldn't have noticed little things like that (when I may have given up that moment with my son over to my husband) which could have added up, and in the end have had an effect on our relationship.

For those of you who don't know my story -- I pumped just as much as I nursed. So, technically, I could have been away from Logan for as long as I wanted and I did like having that freedom. Even if I didn't use it, it was a weight off my shoulders. So I don't think it will be possible for me not to pump next time even if breastfeeding goes flawlessly just because I don't like feeling "tied down." To me, that was half of what it made it difficult! I like feeling like my body is my body. At the same time, when you pump you still have that "reminder" (which I just wrote about) that your body is definitely not entirely your own.

So, if I had tried to decide on my own what was best for my baby (in all areas of his life), it wouldn't have worked as well as what nature already knew. My leaking breasts were my first cue to follow -- the first of sooooo many. Learning to follow all of nature's cues is what taught me to be a mother faster and easier than anything else I can possibly imagine. Not just when it came to breastfeeding -- which kept him alive physically (nutrition-wise) and emotionally (through attachment), etc. but with everything in Logan's life then and now. Following nature was the best class I could have taken on "how to be a mother to my particular child."

I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I became a mother. I'd never had any previous experience with babies, and yet I found motherhood so much easier than I'd expected. It was because I focused on tackling breastfeeding first, and that ended up teaching me how to handle everything else.

I encourage all women to think about what they can learn and how they can grow as mothers from their unique breastfeeding challenge. What it might teach them about themselves, about their child, and about challenges they may face with their child in the future. And, don't forget to give yourself an "A" for effort!!!! (That means rewarding yourself for the major accomplishment. Even after a year without breast milk, I continue to see the benefits with Logan's health, etc.)

My particular challenge helped me to be a more relaxed mother. How I was during the nine months that I nursed Logan is not like what I had previously predicted of myself. I'm not a type A personality but I'm also not an easy-going, laid back personality either. Basically, if a situation is stressful I'll be stressed. I would also prefer a structured environment. Having a baby definitely falls under the "stressful" category for everyone, but because I had to spend so much time sitting around in a peaceful setting (i.e. working with my "tired baby" because our particular struggle was due to severe jaundice that he had in the beginning, so even after he recovered he didn't want to work hard enough to get a full meal which kept lowering my milk supply) -- I wasn't able to make our environment structured and therefore I look back at those days as being very chill; I was 100% in each moment.

The reason why I always rave about how much I liked the newborn phase is because it's still the only time in my life when I didn't care about anything else. There was no "to do" list, there was no rushing, I didn't care about time or the future or the past. There was nothing on my mind other than being giddy with my baby. My goal in life has always been to stop and smell the roses. There was no other time in my thirty years that I did that more than during Logan's first nine months.

Logan wasn't a clingy baby -- he liked being held but he didn't cry if he wasn't being held. Sure, I also held him when I fed him a bottle, but there is an extra special bonding experience that happens during nursing.

Even pumping forced me to stop and relax every two hours. So, even when it was all over last February 1st (because he weaned himself on his own two weeks prior), I had gotten into a routine, a pattern, a style of being a parent. Life did begin moving fast again. Nowadays, my to-do list is longer than there are hours in the day. I have stress. I have tension. But I'm still "in the moment" with Logan because he has turned out to be a peaceful person (and I'd like to think I had something to do with that!), so he constantly reminds me to continue to be like that as his mother. Thank you, Logan!

(This pic was taken when Logan was five months old - in September 2008 - one of my few "easy" months of breastfeeding" but you can still see my pump to the right of the couch!)