Randomness

I'll be getting caught up on blogs today because I'm done with my writing retreat!

Here's our update from the past week:

Logan weaned himself from his booster seat. It was just a month ago that I threw his high chair tray away. . .I had imagined he'd use the seat part 'til he was three. But after struggling with him on this for about two weeks I realized that it wasn't that important. Even though he's still short for the table, he manages to eat just the same, so I put the booster seat in the basement and, as of the first week of February, he has been eating meals with his bum on a regular chair.Despite his independence when it comes to the chair and table, he thinks he is a baby when it comes to rolling over. I'm not sure when it started - it's been going on for a few months. Whenever he gets stuck lying down somewhere (examples: the couch, our bed) he doesn't think he is capable of getting up! I say, "Logan, you started rolling over when you were four months old!" But he whines and cries like he doesn't know how to get out of his predicament! Sometimes after I say that he will try and of course he does get up, but most times his cry is so "panic-y" I have to help him. It's so weird! I'm guessing he'll grow out of this. . .I mean, I can't picture him at 5 years old laying down and needing help to get up - but considering he was rolling all of the time after 4 months old I didn't expect that he would suddenly stop by the time he was 21 months old! :p

He is definitely right-handed, no doubt about it. Last year at this time I thought there was a possibility he could take after me as a left-hander but for the past few months whenever I (or anyone) puts something in his left hand he immediately switches it to his right. On the rare days that he doesn't, it is obvious that his left hand isn't as strong as his right - like, the other day I noticed he was trying to pick up some peaches with a spoon but they kept falling off before he got them to his mouth, so he switched the spoon to his right hand and had no problem. (Here he is helping me make lemon bars on Feb. 3rd)For the past month when something breaks Logan says, "Dadda fix!" I've realized that I have been giving Logan the wrong message - because that's what I used to tell him when something broke :p Now I've started telling him that, hey, Mommy can fix things, too!!!!

I could have written this next one in my last update blog on Feb 5th but I thought it was too creepy. However, I decided I'd want Logan to know about this in the future, and if I didn't write it here then I'd probably forget by the time he grows up: one afternoon he was eating lunch at the kitchen table and turned to his left and smiled, waved, and said "hi!" I got a chill because there was no one for him to say hi to, but he said it so nonchalantly!!! Then a minute later he looked back to his left and started laughing and playing peek-a-boo. There was no one there!!! So I said, "Logan who are you saying hi to and playing peek-a-boo with?" He answered, "Grandpa!"

This wasn't long after I wrote the post about Joe's dad (titled, Logan's Grandfather), telling the story of how he died 9 years ago, so of course that was what went through my mind! You hear stories about how little kids are more in tune with "the other side" than adults and often report seeing/talking to spirits, but as they get older and are told what is proper they lose this.

I actually always think back to my childhood if I ever need extra confirmation that there is a God. In my last update post I said that my first memories are of being two years old. Well, one of those memories is when I was still sleeping in my crib, I remember communicating with God. I say "communicating" because I wasn't old enough to talk - but I remember talking in my head to Him. I also wasn't old enough to have been taught about God yet or to logically process anything about church, religion, etc. Yet I was confident, had no doubt, that there was a higher power and he was "my comfort."

So while most people would think that my son was already playing make-believe at the incredibly young age of 21 months old, I couldn't help but wonder a few minutes later when he turned back to his left and waved as he said, "Bye Grandpa!". . .

This probably also means I'll have a boy next, but one day I asked Logan, "Do you think you're going to have a brother or a sister someday?" He said, "A little sister." I was caught off guard because 1) I hadn't expected him to answer and 2) He added "little" on his own. So I said, "Is there going to be a girl baby someday or a boy baby?" He said, "A girl." I said, "What is her name?" I couldn't understand him but he said the same thing every time I asked him and there was a "k" sound in the middle, the closest I could come up with was Victoria (which I've never considered). I asked him how he knew this and he proceeded to talk for the next five minutes. He is not usually a chatter box so I kept nodding and acting like we were having a conversation, as he seemed really full of things to say! Unfortunately, I couldn't understand a word of it, so we'll just have to see if he's right if baby #2 ends up being a girl. :pSomething funny he has been doing lately is making fun of Joe & me! Mainly Joe, haha!!! When we make a funny sound or facial expression, Logan mimicks us in a playful way.

He's very good about starting to recognize consequences. When he sees someplace that he could get hurt, he shakes his head and says "no no - boom!" Babysitter says he is excellent at following her rules. For example, there is a chair that no one is allowed on at her house (because it's in front of the computer) so if any of the kids climb on it, Logan points and says, "uh oh!" He does this at home, too, pointing to things I've told him are off limits and saying "no no" to himself which is cute :-)

Babysitter says he and Zay have gotten to be good buddies. Zay is the boy closest to Logan's age - he is a couple of months younger (used to be the youngest until the first girl, a baby, started last month). They have been playing together and holding hands. . .awe! I like that Logan is at the age now where he can play with kids rather than just next them.

He had a great time at my parents' place last weekend. We met them off the interstate on Saturday morning, 10 am. I almost cried because this was the very first time, during the 12 solo trips that Logan has done the past 12 months, that he cried when we handed him over. (In my last update post I'd said that the last time he'd stayed with them had been when we went to Chicago - but I forgot that we did this over Thanksgiving when my friend Sarah visited - but that was still 2.5 months ago.) My mom called as soon as Joe and I drove away and said that Logan had stopped crying and was happy as could be. I figured he would be, because that morning I'd asked him if he wanted to stay with them for the weekend and he said "yes" with the most happy voice & facial expression possible. As we packed he kept saying "Papa! Papa!" (Which is what he says instead of "grandma & grandpa" - he combines them into the word "papa.") Then, when we got to the gas station where we always meet, he was looking around saying, "Papa? Papa?" When they pulled up he kept pointing to their car and making it clear he wanted to get in. He was sooo excited when I asked him if he wanted me to let go of him so that they could take him and he nodded and said, "yes! yes!" They said he ate well, slept well, and even played out in the snow and made his first snowman. Here he is sledding on my childhood sled :-)Meanwhile, Joe and I went out to eat at Roja as our early Valentine's Day meal and later to the movie, Dear John. It was fine. . .they changed a major part of the book for the movie just like they did with The Notebook and A Walk To Remember (possibly Message In A Bottle and Nights In Rodanthe, too, but I can't remember) so it wasn't as good as the book, but Channing Tatum made up for that :-)

Sunday was Super Bowl Day, so Joe went to a party with his co-workers while I finished my writing. We picked up Logan after Joe got off work on Monday, February 8th.

It was amazing to think when we did the first one last March when he was 10.5 months old, I hadn't planned on it being a monthly occurrence. In fact, it was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life so I was just trying it out as a "one time thing." I remember handing him off to my mom & stepdad and feeling my heart rip from my chest. I remember sobbing in the car, yet at the same time feeling a humongous weight lift from me and having a great weekend. I had a moment to breathe. My first moment in nearly 11 months. It is a feeling I had never experienced before and have never experienced since. . . I'm not sure how to describe it other than what I wrote at the time: like I was a sponge that had all of the water squeezed out and yet kept being squeezed. I was a fuel tank that was beyond empty. 11 months of never taking a break, never resting, never allowing myself a minute - it hadn't been a conscious choice to do this, it had just happened. As tired as I was, I LOVED each day, each minute, that I was spending with my son. I was having fun - it wasn't the kind of stress that I'd previously experienced in classes in school or former jobs where I wasn't happy and wanted to quit. I WANTED to keep giving everything I had as a mother. I see now this next thing sounds kind of dumb, but Logan had never been a hard baby so I didn't really feel like I was allowed to ask for help. The person helping me would see my baby smile all day, laugh all day, eat easily, sleep easily - but what if he stopped being like that? What if being without me was going to change him into the opposite forever?

People had encouraged me for four months to at least try a babysitter but the thought caused me more stress than real life. I wasn't ready. . .it would have been too traumatic at any point prior. How it finally happened was that I hit my low point last February (exactly a year ago). My counselor (who I've been seeing off & on for 3.5 years and had never previously thought I was a candidate for medication) prescribed an anti depressant. I only lasted 3 days on it (by then it was March), but I was able to force myself to stop thinking and just have faith. My counselor reminded me that sometimes in life we have to let go of fear, let go of control, and see what happens. And, at the same time, I have the complete freedom to stop anything if I get any sign that it isn't right.

It went great. My parents loved getting to spend time with their grandchild, Logan loved them and stayed his happy/easy self, and I was back to my normal self! I then took the even harder step by hiring a babysitter (who I'd never met before!) for 8 hrs a week.

Sometimes it is still hard to be relaxed knowing that my child is experiencing things that I wouldn't typically have them experience. But my counselor reminded me that is what life is all about. Do I really want Logan to only be under my roof, hearing only what I have to say, watching only my actions, eating only my food, following only my rules, etc? No, she's right. Even if the person taking care of him doesn't have the same beliefs as I do - it's okay. Because all throughout Logan's life I want him to be accepting of other people's lives and learn how to be comfortable in environments not like his at home. I want him to learn how to respect others in every single setting he is ever in. My only condition is that the people taking care of him respect rules that I may give them, being different from their own. Unfortunately, my mom has never been able to do this (she always does the complete opposite), and so to protect Logan and my future child from a possibly serious situation in the future, just as I would have to remove Logan from his babysitter's if she did not follow my requests, these weekend visits have come to an end. I'm thankful each solo trip went well the past year and was fun for both grandparents and grandson. I think it is a special experience for a grandchild to have a relationship with their grandparents - that is why I continued to do these visits (since having Logan go to a Babysitter 8 hrs a week is enough for my break). I am sure they will still remain close. (These two pics were taken at their house in November)I finally found my phone charger a year from when I lost it!!! (I wrote about this in my post I Love This Age -- still have yet to find Logan's old diaper bag, the only other thing still missing.) I KNEW whenever it turned up it would be someplace stupid and someplace I'd already looked. Sure enough, it was in our upstairs hall closet sitting right on the shelf in front. Nothing was hiding it - and this is a closet I've opened a hundred times since last January! I even organized it a month ago!!! So how in the world I had never seen it before I went to get Joe a hammer one night, I have no idea. But it was nice to know that, just as I'd assumed, I had thrown it in there with something that did belong there (not thinking) last year.

Brooke & Kaelyn came over for "stay at home mom" day on Tuesday, February 9th which was fun as always, but unfortunately Logan's record of no colds since November came to an end because he was sick all of that day and the next, so his day at the babysitter's was on Thursday rather than Wednesday. One of the moms had made a goodie sack so Logan enjoyed that (I think it was the same mom that made them a Halloween sack - I made them all one at Christmas!) By Sunday all signs of the runny nose and cough were gone - Valentine's Day :-)

Logan had made a card for me, and Joe had gotten me a card, and they gave me a box of chocolates. :-) Meanwhile, I gave Joe a card from me, a card from Logan, two of his fav movie DVDs, and a Reeses peanut butter heart. I got Logan a new toddler fork, spoon, and a fun Elmo potty-training book and M&Ms.

The last two go together because starting today he's only wearing pull-ups and using the toddler toilet every single day! Lately, he's been telling me when he has to poop again but the whole pee thing has yet to happen in the toilet (he's still too scared of the shield) so I'm hoping if I reward him with M&Ms (and we also have a sticker board that my mom gave me) maybe that will help. We'll see!

For lunch we ordered a heart-shaped pizza from Papa Johns. Ever since all of the chains started this years ago for Valentine's Day I thought it'd be fun to order sometime. Well, the pizza was good as always (didn't look this greasy in person, LOL) but if you're wanting a true heart do not order from Papa John's!  Seems strange that they can't make a real heart, since I could buy my own mold at the store and make my own heart-shaped pizza. Oh well.I'll conclude this post by congratulating my friends Jeff & Lisa K (our mutual friends are Matt & Stacy) -- they had their baby two days before their due date!!! I had learned a few months ago that Lisa had my same doctor (i.e. the best doc ever, haha!!!). She went into labor on the morning of Super Bowl Sunday and her little guy Landen was born at 4:08 pm on Monday, February 8th weighing 8 lbs, 8 oz. Despite her long labor (but her pushing phase of 1.5 hrs was average for a first time mommy), everyone is doing well now. . .I can't wait to meet the little sweetie!!!