Attachment Parenting

A few months ago I wrote a post titled The Fussy Baby Book, about a book I read by doctors William & Martha Sears. I also liked a book by the Sears family (the most popular & trusted pediatricians in America) called The Vaccine Book, which I mentioned in my post 4 Months Old. So, now I've bought The Discipline Book by the same authors, hoping that it will help me gain confidence with the toddler stage as well. All of the Sears books focus on a style of parenting called "attachment parenting." I didn't realize until I became a supporter that there are a lot of misconceptions about what it is. So, I'm going to summarize The Fussy Baby Book to explain this method of parenting!

Attachment parenting is often misunderstood as "liberal" and "spoiling" parenting. But the Sears say that it's the most natural, instinctive way to parent - however many people don't do it because in the U.S. in the Twentieth Century a message was sent (by the same people who told women to stop breastfeeding because formula was better and to also put women completely unconscious during childbirth) that parents must be strict if they wanted their kids to behave and to be successful. But attachment parenting has actually shown a higher success rate when it comes to good behavior and better self-esteem because parents listen to their children's needs. Babies don't manipulate, they communicate.

As said on page 7, "attachment parenting begins with giving the infant roots, then helps her develop the wings to become independent and ultimately gives her the tools to become a solid and secure person."

This style of parenting actually makes children more flexible, patient, and disciplined.

On page 9, William & Martha talked about the fourth of their eight children: "We gradually figured out that the child shouldn't control the parents or the parents control the child. Yet parents must control situations; when there is no limit-setting, family life is a disaster. We needed to be in charge of Hayden, to give her house rules and then control her environment so that it was not difficult for her to comply with these rules."

That doesn't sound like liberal or spoiling to me.

From Wikipedia: "According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood.

Attachment theory, originally proposed by John Bowlby, states that the infant has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. Bowlby had earlier proposed in his maternal deprivation hypothesis published in 1951 that maternal deprivation would not only cause depression in children, but also acute conflict and hostility, decreasing their ability to form healthy relationships in adult life.

In attachment theory, attachment is considered a biological system and children are naturally attached to their parents because they are social beings, not just because they need other people to satisfy drives."

(You can find a complete guide to attachment parenting in the Sears' book, The Attachment Parenting Book.)

What has this meant for us?

I highlighted page 15 that said: "You can often spot high-need babies in the hospital nursery. These babies put more energy into everything they do. They cry loudly, feed voraciously, laugh with gusto, and protest more forcefully if their needs are not met. Because they feel everything so deeply, they react powerfully if their feelings are disturbed. 'If I don't feed him as soon as he fusses, he falls apart' is a common statement from the mother of such a baby. You can read the intensity of the baby's feelings in her body language. The fists are clenched, back arched, muscles tensed, as if ready for action."

Even though Logan isn't usually "high-need," that paragraph described him to a T. Each nurse who came into my room after I gave birth said stuff like, "So it's YOUR little guy who is the loudest in the nursery." Or, "He's going to be very strong-willed."

This is still his behavior when he doesn't eat right away or something else upsets him. But, thankfully most of the time he is easy-going, laid-back, and quiet. I believe this is because Joe & I have met his needs and so he hasn't had to fight. (Or else he still would be like the baby we met in the hospital.) He's learned how to be content. He could still improve on patience, haha, but he rarely ever screams or acts stubborn like he did during his first week of life.

The Sears books supports my thought: "The majority of parents we have counseled brought their high-need babies into the world and followed their own intuitive parenting to give their child the level of care he needed. This is healthy behavior that will work to the advantage of parent and child."

I do have one regret, though. I didn't start my "instinctive parenting" until he was about 5 days old. (Again, that makes sense why he became a lot easier and calmer from then on - he had to be the opposite before then.) I was just so clueless. . .I seriously thought that the nurses in the hospital must know more than I did about my baby and they would take better care of him than me. So, I didn't even keep him in my room most of the time during my 48 hrs in the hospital. (Using the nursery had been recommended by our childbirth class instructor and Joe & I had thought, yeah, why not, we have the rest of our lives.) I was so worn out from my 4-hr pushing phase, and Logan was a stranger (I bonded and became close to him on day 3 - when we found out he had jaundice and had to go to the hospital. Until then I definitely loved him, but I didn't have a huge connection or mother's instinct toward him yet. From day 3 on, though, it was major!)

Thankfully, it didn't seem to cause any problems with us - we've had an ideal healthy, close relationship. But I will still do it differently next time because I've learned how incredibly important those first hours are between baby & mother! Page 45: "Fresh from a soft, warm womb and a little time in mother's arms, baby takes a bumpy ride to the newborn nursery, where he stays on a static mattress in a plastic box, surrounded by bright lights, chatty adults, and a lineup of other babies in plastic boxes. What he needs is to stay with his mother so that he can gaze at her face and use her smell, her movements, and her holding to help him stay calm and feel safe. He is miserable and frightened in the plastic box and cries desperately. If there is a nurse there who has time, she might pick him up, but chances are he'll have to wait. He'll cry and cry until he exhausts himself to sleep, in the process experiencing very disturbing feelings. Bonding will be severely disrupted, and he will learn that he cannot trust that his needs will be met.

"The nursery option is a biologically incorrect setup. The nurse is the one who initially hears the baby's cry, but the mother (in another room) is the one who is biologically programmed to calm the cries. Most infants have two phases to their cry. The early phase, called the attachment-promoting phase, is the perfect signal, disturbing enough to pompt the listener to want to pick up and hold the baby and give a comforting response, but not so disturbing as to make the listener want to avoid the baby. In the nursery arrangement this is the phase of the cry that the nurse hears and she eventually takes the baby down to the mother's room. However, by the time baby gets to his mother, his cries are in the next phase - the avoidance promoting phase. His cries escalate into a shrill sound, and the mother is presented with an anxious, frightened baby whose cries cause her to be anxious, even frightened. Mothers and babies who start out life in separate rooms are out of sync."

Wikipedia: "Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting fosters a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, the anti-vaccination movement, natural health, cooperative movements, naturism and support of organic food.

However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs."

For example, pretty much everyone told me that my baby was going to love to be swaddled. Nope. Aside from his first three days, Logan never liked the confinement. Nor did he ever need me to hold him all day/night long. Still, I tried baby wearing when he was a month old - but that wasn't for us, either. At two months old when I got the whole breastfeeding thing down, I hoped to be able to nurse Logan in bed. Well that did happen for about a month when he was five months old - but that was all it lasted for and he still never slept for more than 20 minutes next to me. Sleeping where he could see me (even to this day) makes him more active. He's always been the most peaceful in his crib alone, so no co-sleeping for us (which is fine with me because I did co-sleep off & on with my mom after her divorce and then I had a very hard time when it came to an end when I was eight because she remarried. However, if done right it is more positive than negative. The Sears have written The Baby Sleep Book for how to co-sleep "correctly.")

On page 34, a study proved that a baby's overall phyisiology - heart rate, breathing, and blood oxygen saturation - was more stable when sleeping next to Mom than when sleeping alone. (Same for baby wearing.) This is what they do in most all other cultures.

Even though attachment parenting encourages doing those things, I am still a follower & supporter because I didn't push them. That's the whole point. I take each day at a time, I go with Logan's flow, and then I react accordingly. Yes, attachment parenting means parents have to relax and let go - but believe me, it's a lot less stressful that way.

Page 16 says: One of the most difficult mental adjustments for parents to make is overcoming the fear of being manipulated and losing control. Once you make the switch in mind-set to believing that your baby is communicating her needs, not controlling your lives, thriving and surviving with a high-need baby will be much easier."

But, sometimes it's hard to read a baby's signals which then makes it hard for a parent to go with the flow. That's why those above bolded guidelines from Wikipedia are a great place to keep going back to. Generally, they are what work.

One thing they encourage that did work for Logan was "feeding frequently." (They've written The Breastfeeding Book to help with issues regarding baby feeding.)

On page 17: Studies show that babies who are fed frequently, as needed, cry less than infants who are fed on a more rigid, parent-controlled schedule."

I've always (and still do) feed Logan on demand. This seriously solved all of his problems when he was a baby. Those not on board with attachment parenting make it sound like a bad thing - that I was setting him up to use food for comfort and to be fat. But, if he hadn't been hungry then he wouldn't have eaten. I never forced him, if he hadn't gulped it all down then I would have had no problem resorting to some other method to make him stop crying. My first instinct as a nursing mother was to offer my breast at the first sign of him crying - and it did prevent him from ever wailing or having any bad nights. I could tell that being able to count on me was what helped him to feel secure; that was all he needed to be calm. There was never frustration on his part, or a struggle, because he felt he was being heard; his message was getting across. He was easier, which made parenting less stressful for me. I can see how this has helped us even now at a year old. We have sort of a telepathic thing going on sometimes. :)

Page 22 says: "The attachment style of parenting really pays off in developing a good fit. The hours you spend each day in high-touch, responsive parenting will naturally help you and your baby."

And, Logan is completely average (50%) in weight now (24 lbs at almost 13 months). Page 18 says: "frequent breastfeeders rarely remain overweight, even if for a while some look like miniature sumo wrestlers. Studies show that the fat cells laid down by breastfeeding babies are quite different from those of babies fed manufactured baby milk. The fat melts away once baby becomes mobile. So how often should you breastfeed your high-need baby? As frequently as baby needs yet not to the extent that it wears you out."

Needs that are met early in life go away. Needs that are left unmet never entirely disappear. Therapists offices are filled with high-need adults in search of re-parenting.

Reacting & following all of my baby's cues makes sense. The Sears' devote an entire chapter on the misguided advice of someone saying "let the baby cry it out." (I wrote about the dangers of the cry it out method on my posts Preparing For Brachial Cleft Surgery and My Son's 5th Month.)

Page 31 says: "It shows not only a misunderstanding of the communication value of the infant's cry, but also a devaluing of the mother's sensitivity. Mothers are not designed to let their babies cry, nor are babies' cries designed to go unanswered."

Page 32 says: "Once you appreciate the special signal value of your baby's cry, the important thing is what you do about it. You have two basic options: ignore or respond. Ignoring your baby's cry is usually a lose-lose situation. A more compliant baby gives up and stops signaling, becomes withdrawn, eventually realizes that crying is not worthwhile and concludes that he himself is not worthwhile either. The baby loses the motivation to communicate with his parents, and the parents miss out on opportunities to get to know their baby. Everyone loses. A baby with a more persistent personality does not give up so easily. Instead, he cries more loudly and keeps escalating his signal, making it more and more disturbing. You could ignore this persistent signal in several ways. You could wait until the baby stops crying and then pick him up, so that he won't think it was his crying that got your attention. This is actually a type of power struggle; you teach the baby that you're in control, but you also teach him that he has no power to communicate. This shuts down parent-child communication, and in the long run everybody loses.

"You could desensitize yourself completely so that you won't be bothered at all by the cry; this way you can teach baby he gets responded to only when it's time. Also, according to this scenario, baby gets used to being in a constant state of want. Not feeling right becomes the norm to be re-created throughout his life. This is another lose-lose situation; baby doesn't get what he needs, and parents remain stuck in a mind-set that doesn't allow them to enjoy the baby's unique personality. Or you could pick baby up to calm him but then put him right back down because 'it's not time to feed him yet.' He has to learn, after all, to be happy 'on his own.' Lose-lose again; he will start to cry again and you will feel angry. He will learn that his desires make you angry. And he will learn his communication, though heard, has not been understood, which can lead him to learn to distrust his own perceptions.

"Your other option is to give a prompt and nurturant response. This is the win-win way for baby and mother to work out a communication system that helps them both. The mother responds promptly and sensitively so that the baby will feel less frantic the next time he needs something. The baby learns to cry "better," in a less disturbing way, since he knows mother will come. Mother structures baby's environment so that there is less need for him to cry, she keeps him close to her if she knows he's tired and ready to sleep. Mother also heightens her sensitivity to the cry so that she can give just the right response: a quick response when the baby is young and prone to fall apart easily or when the cry makes it clear there is real danger; a slower response when the baby is older and can begin to learn to settle the disturbance on his own."

I wish I could copy this entire chapter because it's so good - it goes on to explain how the "cry it out advice" got started, involves lots of data, and then tips on how to respond to your baby's cries. The chapter after that is devoted on "ways to soothe a fussy baby," the next is "feelings shared by parents of high-need children," and the next is "seventeen survival tips for parents of high-need children" - because attachment parenting is NOT catering to your child's every want or never saying no.

Strive for balance.

Page 23 says: "Many new mothers and fathers enter parenting believing they must be in control of their child. Or, they may be the product of controlling parents themselves and have vowed not to do anything to squelch their child's personality. Both extremes cripple a child. Putting the lid on a child's personality stunts the chld's emotional growth."

The way to be a balanced parent is:

1) Consider Yourself. (Make time for yourself. It's like the flight attendant on an airplane, "Put on your oxygen mask before putting on your child's." If you are suffocating, you are no good to your child.)

2) Allow Baby Some Frustration (In the early months babies need a "yes mother." But in the later months, babycare can develop into "martyr mothering" and actually interfere with your child's ability to begin developing a sense of self and a sense of competence.) If you are truly watching your child's signs then you will want to encourage them along the natural progression of life to their next step. There have been many moments in Logan's life that "I" haven't been ready to move on from, but it's so obvious that "he" is and so I don't stop him. Believe in your child. Have confidence in them. And then they will in themselves. (For help on this, check out the Sears' The Successful Child Book.)

3) Make Sleep A Priority (To keep your sanity you must make rest a priority.)

4) Be Positive (If you're exhausted, use some humor: "At least I am getting some exercise.")

5) Be Patient ("This too shall pass.")

6) Focus on the Biggies (Save your energy for the rough edges in your child's personality that you simply can't tolerate and that you feel will later work to her disadvantage. Don't waste energy on the smallies - they will take care of themselves.)

7) Realize Your Child Is Unique (Disregard what a baby is "supposed" to be like)

8) Don't Compare (Just because your child is different, doesn't mean they are wrong)

9) Get Out (Especially if you are a SAHM - leave the house and be around other people)

10) If You Resent It, Change It (I can relate to page 93: "Your six-month old awakens daily at 6:15 am raring to go and demanding playmates. You are a night person, hate getting up at dawn, and like to wake up slowly." So change what YOU'RE doing, change your understanding of your child, and change your attitude. You can find the positives about mornings.)

11) Get Help (Choose your allies)

12) Job Share (Trying to practice attachment parenting without your spouse's help can wear you out if you don't have extended family to help.)

13) Plan Ahead (Learn to anticipate your child's needs, and avoid, as much as possible situations that set you up for conflicts.)

14) Take The Long View (Shaping a child's behavior is a gradual process. You will not see daily change.)

15) Get Behind The Eyes Of Your Child ("If I were Beth, what would I want my mother to say?")

16) It's No One Else's Fault (The key is to get your personalities to mesh rather than clash.)

17) Study Your Child (Once you get in sync with your child, you will be able to stop relying on outside advice and trust yourself)

The next chapter is devoted to "mother burnout," followed by "helping the high-need child go to sleep and stay asleep," then "feeding high-need children," then "hidden causes of fussiness in infants," and the last section is "the high-need child grows up."

Only time will tell how my child grows up, but so far I've seen all positive effects from attachment parenting and no negative effects, so that's why I'm looking forward to reading The Discipline Book - because now I want to know how to keep following attachment parenting into the toddler years when the natural thing is for the child to unattach (which is where the "terrible twos" come from).

I'm guessing the Sears' will remind me to use my instinct and to stay balanced :)

My Son's 5th Month

This was originally written on Monday, October 13, 2008:

Wow, it's been a month since I wrote my last update! (So get ready for a long post; read when you have time.) Where should I start?

Well, I got my first period since having a baby. :p My body must know that "1" means "beginning" because my very first one ever as a pre-teen was on July 1st and this one was October 1st, LOL. (Five-and-a-half months after having Logan.) Obviously I was right about my hormones & body returning to normal mid-August! I actually think my period tried to start the end of August/beginning of September because I had all of the classic signs at that time and spotting pretty much exactly a month before my "real" one. But--get this--with the real thing I didn't have any cramps! There is no denying I had it, but it was not like what I'd read (that the first after you have a baby is extra painful). In fact, it was the first period I've ever had in my entire life that was completely painfree! Wouldn't it be wonderful if my periods were like this from here on out? My only hope during all of my suffering in years prior was to hear that many women who have cramps to my degree (what I now know are labor contractions) don't have them near as bad after they have a baby. I don't want to get my hopes up, though. . .it just seems too good to be true. But having ONE without cramps proves to me that it's possible it could happen again!

Okay, for those of you who aren't comfortable with period talk, I'll move on :-)

During my last "update blog" on September 11th, my mom was here helping out while I had a bad cold. She paid for me to have the best massage of my life on September 12th. I recommend this organic massage therapist to everyone in the Omaha area! You can check out her website at CenterPointe Massage. Until then, I'd thought it might be fun to start a new hobby: try as many different massage therapists as I could (since the other one I went to this year was in a different location), but after going to this masseuse, that idea seems like a waste of time and money--I'm only going to Deb! (All three that I'd gone to in my life before her were equal--but she was off the charts.) I went again when Joe's mom came the end of September, and am going again this coming Wednesday!

My cold was gone by the end of that weekend, after I went to Sarah S's baby shower. Her baby boy is due in just three weeks! It seems like yesterday she told me she was pregnant a month before I had Logan.

Logan was a bit antsy at the shower (meaning he would have been fussy if I hadn't given him two bottles while we were there)! He hasn't gained any weight this month, though, as he is still twenty pounds (with five days before his six month birthday).

This past month I decided to distract him when he wanted to eat to see if he was always hungry (since 99% of the time, ever since he was born, feeding him immediately stopped his crying, so Joe & I never needed to try anything else when he cried)! I didn't want him to lose any weight, but rather see if his body would slow down naturally (without him noticing). Half the time it works (he'll play or fall asleep instead). The other half of the time he still cries and so I'm not going to deny him food.

In my post titled, Preparing For Brachial Cleft Fistula Surgery, I mentioned that we are doing "attachment parenting" rather than the "cry it out method" which I first mentioned in my post, When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade.

Before I had Logan, I didn't know what "side" I was on. I think every parent has to do what works for them and their child, so it's different depending on the situation. My dad & brother's mom believed in letting my brother cry. I remember spending the weekends at their house when I was 7-8 years old and wanting to go to my brother's rescue because he'd cry for what seemed like forever during the nights. It ripped my heart out, but I later heard "people" say that it's okay (even good for babies) to just let them cry because it teaches them independence.

At the same time, I heard other people say this was unncessary. Teaching babies to be independent is going against nature (they're not supposed to be independent). Babies need to know that you're there for them. Rather than become "tougher," babies who are left to cry stop because they "give up." They've learned they can't count on their parents for love and security.

That sounded so sad to me! If there are two people who Logan should always be able to count on for love & security, no matter what, they are his parents--that's what we're here for!

In my previous posts about this I gave links to articles that explained how rather than become spoiled, children of attachment parenting learn empathy from seeing their parents come to them--so it is a myth that letting babies cry it out is preventing them from becoming brats.

My instructor in last February's childbirth class said the same thing; studies show those not left to cry grow up to be more secure and content as adults. Our instructor said that before the age of six months you should not even consider letting a baby cry--it is impossible to spoil them. But what about at six months old and later. . .where Logan & I are now?

According to an article on Associated Content, "If a baby cries, something is wrong. A parent's natural instincts are not wrong. It is a parent's duty to check on the baby and determine what is wrong. It is a parent's duty to provide the relief and comfort the baby needs to deal with whatever is bothering it." The article goes on to say, "Babies have a great variety of cries to express how they feel at the moment and what their needs are. They can't talk. Crying is their way to communicate."

As I said before, everyone has to do what works for them and their particular child. I know there are colicky babies out there that will cry for hours with no relief, so a parent HAS to leave them in order to not go insane! I've also blogged in the past that there have been a few times in Logan's nearly six months when he will fuss for what appears to be no reason and nothing I do gets him to stop, so sometimes I will walk away to see if he will cease on his own. Sometimes he does but other times he'll get to a "you've abandoned me" cry and there's no way I can let him get that upset! It brings tears to my eyes because even if I can't stop him from crying, I want him to know that I am still trying & there for him.

What both sides seem to agree on is that if a parent is feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or mad then, yes, it is better to let the baby cry rather than to be holding that child and shake it or anything like that! But I have never even gotten the tiniest bit angry or frustated at Logan yet--my reason for wondering how long we do this is because I don't know how long this waking up for a few minutes each night is going to last. :~

But, I researched this topic again--only for "after six months old"--and I can rest-assured that I'm not setting Logan up to be needy and demanding. I'm sure there will be more times in the future like what we've already had when I will have to walk away when I'm making it worse (the article from before says this is most common when babies have been overstimulated. "Any walking, singing, rocking, and other comfort measures will just add to the over-stimulation your baby is experiencing. It would only intensify the discomfort your baby is experiencing. Instead your baby will learn to deal with these emotions on their own, while you can take a breather and a small rest.")--but it's not going to be something that I will intend to do whenever he cries or do often of just because "I" don't think he should be crying.

Therefore, I'm going to continue to feed him when he gives a hungry cry, help him go to sleep when he gives a tired cry, hold him when he gives a needy cry, and play with him when he gives a bored cry. That is a part of being a mother. Even when he's an adult--I won't be able to take pain that he has away, but I will always let him know that I'm there for him. But when he wants to be alone, I'll give him that. I'm confident that he'll learn independence, not getting his way, etc. all at the proper & healthiest times.

So far, all that's come out of attachment parenting is that Logan's healthy, SUPER happy (as everyone who meets him says), and definitely knows he's loved--so until I see something negative come from it, I'm not going to force against my instinct.

The week after Sarah's baby shower Logan's first tooth started coming in (although it still hasn't popped all of the way through yet)! Those who have been following my blog might remember that around three months old he began displaying all of the teething signs: drooling, putting everything into his mouth, being fussy for the first time, etc. But nothing happened from there. Well, shortly after my last update (the week before he turned five months old), he refused nursing for 48 hours! That was so depressing after the rollercoaster we've been on with breastfeeding (I've summarized my journey on the following two blogs: Breastfeeding Rollercoaster and Okay. . .I'm Ready For My First Break). The one thing he'd never done was resist the breast--he'd always at least latched on even on his worst day (which meant the days he didn't work hard enough to get milk and would have to be there two hours--but he always had the desire).

What made matters worse was that we happened to be at another down time in the breastfeeding rollercoaster (meaning, my milk supply had gone down again and so I was having to pump all day in addition to breastfeeding), and so I really thought that was going to be the end that time. But, I'd made the decision that if I had a bad week before Logan's six month birthday then I was going to contact La Leche. So, I was up late one night and found a local contact on their website. Since it was too late to call, I e-mailed them. I told them my COMPLETE story, thinking I'd get feedback from them that week.

Nothing.

I'm not sure whether it was an outdated e-mail address or if my message got lost in cyberspace or what--but fortunately, things picked up again on our own later that week and have been excellent in the nursing department since. It is a total day-by-day thing, but it's safe to say I'll be able to continue past the six month mark (which had been what I was forcing myself to go to; anything after that is a bonus). Thanks to my continuing taking fenugreek I even have stored breastmilk in the freezer for the first time in two months!

The only thing that kept me from quitting last month was thinking about the times when Logan's nursing well and my milk is a good quantity, how I can't say with 100% certainty that I'm ready to give that up yet. It's such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. We're never going to be back here & relive this. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. . .I don't want to wish it away because it's not like my pregnancy where I only enjoyed three days out of the 8/9 months--I have really loved the nursing experience. And, why buy formula when my milk is free? (Since he still has to have milk until he's a year old.) Especially since I saw it's effects when I had my cold and Logan never got it--the antibodies in my milk clearly protected him. What if I can protect him during the winter viruses, too?

At the same time, even though those two days last month were the first two days (aside from when he had jaundice) that I went 24 hrs and more without nursing him, I have pumped more during these nearly six months than I have breastfed. Doing BOTH for six months is EXTREMELY exhausting. When I said in last month's blog that I was only going to put up with one more "down" time (which happened when I contacted La Leche), I meant it. The next time it happens I'm putting my pump away--which means I'll be drying up. When that's going to happen, I don't know. I hope not until January (when Logan has his surgery at nine months old). So, in the meantime I'm treasuring every moment because I don't know which moment will be my last.

I read in my What To Expect book that resistance to nurse is often a sign of teething (because it's too painful on their gums), so at least I had a reason for his strike last month which helped ease the stress. (Also reading that it passes.) Logan even had a hard time with the bottle one day (only drinking 6 oz in a 24 hr period) and so we had to feed him the last two of those ounces with a dropper! The strange thing was the day before the strike he'd had way too much--16 oz in a 4 hr period! I think he was just confused with all of the discomforts in his body. He would be perfectly happy and then all of a sudden point to his lower gum area and scream in horrible pain!

I called our pediatrician and they said it could be two things: teething and/or constipation, because he hadn't pooped in 24 hrs. They said we could give him baby Tylenol (which we never had before), and if that didn't work then to bring him in. Fortunately, the Tylenol worked. He fell asleep that night and has been fine since.

He still chews on his finger a lot--and lately has been wrapping his lower lip around his gums and smacking like an old man without any teeth which is really funny. (I think that soothes the area--I remember doing something similar when I had braces!) So I think he is getting used to the aching; from what I've read, the first teeth hurt the worst so if we can just get through the first two he should do a lot better with the others. Unfortunately, he seems to fall into the category of "gradual teethers." Some it happens quickly for without much fuss, others it goes on for a couple of months. Since Joe was 7 months old (according to his baby book) when his first tooth popped through (and I was 9 months old, which was the same as 7 months since I was premature), I'm guessing we have another month before there's a noticeable white tooth above the surface. I have no problem with that (it seems later is better) as long as he's not cranky until then! When he is, the things that work for most babies don't work for him. He doesn't like teething toys because they aren't food (he gets upset if something is in his mouth and he can't eat it; he hasn't had a pacifier in almost two months). Our pediatrician recommended a refrigerated washcloth but that didn't work, either. Several people have recommended Oragel, so if we have another painful screaming week that will be something I'll ask my pediatrician about. (Also on my list to try: frozen fruit in a bag and Hyland's Homeopathic Teething Tablets. Because, I'm not against Tylenol but only want to give it to Logan when I've tried everything else so that it's not a regular thing, since according to CNN there is new evidence that there is a link between Tylenol and asthma. (Joe's sister AnMarie has asthma so I don't want to take any chances.) I tried the all-natural gripe water twice, but either it didn't work or wasn't quick enough, so I don't regret giving Logan the Tylenol since it immediately took away his pain.)

Fortunately, month five (meaning everything after the teething/constipation week through now) has been a lot easier than month four. Even though he stopped sleeping 11 hrs straight through the night (as I said in my Feeding Solids Won't Make Your Baby Sleep Better blog, he's been getting me up a couple of times during an 8 hr night's sleep), I've felt a lot more able to handle everything than in August.

I thought months one thru three were the easiest (all Logan did was eat & sleep). Month four was my least favorite because it was the hardest (he was suddenly unpredictable so I had to start figuring out "the whole parent thing"--and that was when he had his first few fussy days, and he began getting a lot more active and needing constant stimulation which required more energy from me). Month five was my favorite (Logan has been the most fun because his personality is coming out now, and although he's still really active he has been better about playing by himself. Best of all, he still smiles and laughs all day)!

So our only complaint during his fifth month was the relapse with his sleep. I know that it's common to have problems getting a baby adjusted to "betime," but Logan has always seemed to understand that by 10 pm you sleep for a long stretch of time! I've never had to rock him or do any of the other things a lot of parents have to do to get their babies to sleep. He's always fallen asleep easily, on his own his entire life--as long as we put him in his carseat.

But, as I said in my post last Monday (after he only slept 6 hours that night), he's started waking up during the night (although it's only for a few minutes, but happens every night) so we haven't fed him cereal and in the week since then he's taken good naps AND slept at least 8 hours at night--but last Mon, Tues, and Wed nights he got me up once to nurse for 5-10 minutes. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights he got me up twice. However, Sunday (last) night he slept straight through from 10 pm to 8 am, so I'm really hoping we're back on track.

On Thursday evening we fed him vegetables (carrots) for the first time (followed by Friday and Sunday), so I'm not sure if there's a pattern with the food or not. (We're going to add the cereal back in tomorrow--only start giving it to him as breakfast instead of supper--which will be vegetables.)

One of the other things it could be is that he's really into rolling all over the place now (from back to tummy and tummy to back), and I read that often babies' sleep is disrupted when they are excited about a new trick they've learned. Whenever he wakes me up to come into his room during the middle of the night, he's always on his stomach (I always put him on his back to sleep). Since he only rolls to the right (after I posted a blog about how maybe he'd be left handed, he hasn't done one thing on his left since!) he gets frustrated when something is blocking his roll (like the crib) and so then he can't return from tummy to back, which makes him start crying. The only thing that gets him back to sleep is me nursing him for five simple minutes, and then I can put him back in the crib and he either stays asleep until morning or he flips over a couple of hours later and cries for me again. I know he doesn't really need milk, that's just the easiest thing to get us both back to sleep quickly.

"They say" you're not supposed to give them milk to sleep because it's a crutch, but the one thing Logan has consistantly done is wean himself from all of his crutches on his own. So I won't be surprised if pretty soon he falls back to sleep during the night without milk. If not, then we're going to have to schedule a week to follow the tips in my What To Expect book as far as teaching him to relax on his own.

The only thing he's substituted the nursing for is walks. This is not something we will be able to do in the winter so this week we're giving that up. It's all pretty typical for this age, though--apparently babies soothing themselves is a learned thing, it doesn't happen naturally.) Joe can swing his carseat back & forth which also does the trick, but I can't--I've tried and about broke my back!

Anyway, it was after the teething week when Logan had his very first rice cereal on Saturday, September 20th. It is hilarious--in between bites these days he bangs his fists on his tray, like to say "more! more!" He wants to eat as fast as he does by drinking milk! He definitely likes food, he didn't even act as if the carrot flavor was anything new--both the cereal and the vegetables are going smoothly, so we'll introduce squash this week. We still haven't fed him solid food every day. . .it sounds like we have until month seven before we have to do that, which is good because it is taking adjustment on Joe & my part, too because it makes our supper time take a lot longer!

My parents came over for the day/night on Sunday, September 21st and we went to Texas Roadhouse, and then Joe & I went to the movie theater. The movie choices didn't look that good but we didn't want to pass up the one chance we had to go to the theater, so we picked Traitor. It actually turned out to be super good!!!

Unfortunately, my parents had to call us halfway through the movie because Logan had started crying and they couldn't get him to stop. I reminded them to rock the carseat while giving a bottle, and it worked. Logan was asleep when Joe & I arrived home.

The following week (Tuesday, September 23 thru Thursday, September 25) Sandi came over to help out with Logan while I went shopping and also had my rescheduled annual exam. My nurse chatted with me for a while (and I saw the picture she had told me about on the phone in early September--she wasn't kidding, it's smack dab in the middle of the bulletin board!) and then my doctor came in.

I talked to her about going on progesterone, but I had been prepared that doctors generally won't prescribe it because it's "alternative" medicine. My doctor instead recommended Depro Vera (the birth control shot). She said it's called the pseudo pregnancy drug because often women like me who felt their mood was more stable while pregnant find the same thing with the shot. But it also makes you not have your period at all and can take up to a year after you go off of it to get pregnant again. (Plus, some women actually end up with worse moods, bleeding, and other negative side effects.) That just doesn't sit well with me, so I declined. Fortunately, the past three weeks my mood has been a lot better than it was the end of August/early September. I think my period starting the week after my appointment had a lot to do with it because I feel totally normal and stable now and think my hormones are 100% where they "are supposed" to be, so I don't think I'm going to even have to take progesterone. I think August & September my hormones were just trying to even out after being really high from pregnancy and then having to drop in order to be a "regular" woman again.

My doctor actually predicted that I was going to start my period by six months post-partum, after what I'd told her about my symptoms in August & September. So far she has never made a wrong prediction about me! I enjoyed talking with her about "all things pregnancy and mother-related" and then she did my exam, commenting that I couldn't have healed any better. But I was most pleased with how she sat down and chatted with me about my cousin.

That morning I'd received an e-mail from my cousin who lost a baby boy last year at 26 weeks gestation, and went into labor at 24 weeks with this second pregnancy--but doctors have stopped it by stitching up her cervix (an emergency cerclage) and putting her on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I didn't expect my doctor to take time out of her busy schedule to explain everything to me. I really appreciated it.

Having a baby of my own has made me even more sensitive to topics regarding children. It seems like there's been all of this horrible stuff on TV lately that I wish I hadn't seen because I'd prefer to pretend anything negative associated with babies didn't exist. Anyone who watched Oprah on September 2 knows what I'm talking about. I'm not even going to repeat it to spare those who don't know. Then, last week I was flipping by America's Most Wanted which I never watch but for some reason decided to see what their opening story was. It was about a father who was shot by two guys, and when they saw he had a six month old baby in the car they shot him in the head! That's Logan's age! It made me so horribly upset--babies are the most innocent and loving and special and wonderful beings on this earth and to know that there is just ONE out there not being treated like a gem just kills me. Every day there's something on the news about shaken baby syndrome or a baby with burns and bites on them--or even just yesterday I heard of a 4-year-old whose mother is going to jail because the 4-year-old demonstrated to police how her parents taught her to use a bong to smoke pot! What is wrong with people?! Ugh, I can't stand it. I get so sick over these stories that the only thing that gets me functioning normally again after hearing them is to to know that those babies are going to be held by God in heaven and the people who treat them like trash on earth are going to pay the price someday. I wish I could save all of the babies out there and give them the love and security that Logan has. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Logan smile.

Joe was able to have "male bonding" with Logan on September 27th--that Saturday I went scrapbooking with Heather, Sarah, and Lisa which was a lot of fun, especially since it was Lisa's first time. I also went to Jenn's for scrapbooking on Wednesday (October 1)--it had been since March! (The day before I had a hair appt.) So hopefully I can join Jenn every other week now. It was great to have an afternoon with other moms while our kids all played. Even though Logan was the youngest, he was the biggest, lol.

Speaking of which, the girl I told you about here who is a mutual friend of the bride whose wedding Joe & I were going to go to last weekend (but didn't because they wouldn't let us bring Logan) has a baby that is 6.5 months old and weighs ELEVEN pounds. Am I the only one or does that not seem right? This baby was nearly seven pounds at birth so I am really confused as to how she could only gain a little over four pounds in 6.5 months. I know that her parents aren't starving her or anything, and am sure they're taking her to the pediatrician regularly to make sure she's healthy. . .but I don't think my pediatrician would allow Logan to be eleven pounds! What I mean is, the mother is breastfeeding. When Logan lost an entire pound during his first three days of life, my pediatrician was like, "If Logan doesn't reach his birthweight by his two week check-up you're going to need to supplement with formula."

Now here's the thing--since breastfeeding to motherhood has become my morning sickness to pregnancy, I've learned a lot about it. And, that means I understand this can be a controversial subject, so I respect those with different opinions than mine. There are a lot of women out there who believe you should breastfeed your baby at all costs. For example, a friend of Joe's sister out in San Francisco has a baby that lost more than a pound after it was born and had not even gained an ounce a month later. Her doctor was telling her she needed to supplement--but the woman refused because she only wanted to exclusively breastfeed. She wouldn't even pump because she was worried bottle-feeding would give the baby nipple confusion. Now after my experience with Logan I am going to be more patient with my next baby in case they have a similar situation I'd prefer not to go through this same rollercoaster. BUT, I have to agree with my pediatrician--while breastmilk is best, formula-feeding is better than a non-growing baby who is breastfeeding!!! If Logan had been 5 lbs at a month old I wouldn't have trusted that he was healthy, so it confuses me that since the whole point of breastfeeding is to make sure your baby is in top health, how can some people be okay with their babies being so tiny?

I didn't ask the girl I know, so it could be that they tried formula and that didn't work, but I'm curious as to how much she pumps (because she works outside the home and made a comment that she pumps)--here I am with a twenty pound baby taking fenugreek! If I didn't, then Logan would probably be eleven pounds, too (and also a lot fussier). It makes sense that not all babies have the same appetite (I have no doubt that part of what's made nursing hard for me is that Logan is hungrier than babies who are NOT in the 90th percentile) but it seems like a small appetite at this age is a sign of something wrong.

So I just don't sit well when I hear stories like one that was on the news a few months ago about a baby that was in the hospital and needed to be on IV fluids but the mom kept unplugging the baby because she wanted to breastfeed him/her and so the hospital was taking her to court because if she kept doing that the baby was going to die! I can understand being passionate about breastfeeding, but there comes a point when if a baby is not growing, how can a mother continue?

Well anyway, Logan did really well at Jenn's even though it was during his normal naptime, but we had to leave after a couple of hours because Logan won't sleep in public anymore--he'll stay awake all day if there's "action" going on.

That evening Jenn, her husband Dave, and their three kids Hayden, Tanner, and Maren (who is one year older than Logan) came over for a game night. . .but we got to talking instead and eating puppy chow and I made lemon bars. Hayden, who is 6, and Tanner, who is 3, played our WII while we acquainted Maren & Logan :-)

On Thursday, October 2nd, Lisa & her one-year-and-nine-month old daughter Lexi came over for sandwiches. It was a great lunch with Lisa, and Lexi is a doll. Her little brother or sister will be here in a month!

That afternoon I took Logan for a walk in his stroller and saw our CBS affiliate interviewing a little boy outside his house, which is a few down from us. So I watched the news that night and was shocked to see the close-call that family had (their baby almost drowned in their pool). You can watch the exact interview I saw here.

For the past couple of weeks I've tried to take Logan on walks frequently since according to our meterologists, we had our last nice day this past weekend. Prior to then it was too hot, and now if winter is coming that means we're skipping fall. I hope not, this is my favorite season! The leaves are just starting to change color!

Joe and I took Logan to the park for the first time on Friday, October 3rd. Logan acted like he knew he was doing a "big boy" activity, it was so cute. We picked up a pizza and enjoyed a picnic before going down the slide with him, playing in the sand, and putting him on the rocking horse and other equipment.

That was the weekend we originally were going to go back to Iowa for the wedding. It turned out for the best that we didn't go because Joe ended up having to work on Saturday at 5:30 AM to give a presentation in front of important people (that's about as far as I get understanding his job, lol). This afternoon I received an e-mail from the girl who first told me children weren't allowed at the wedding, asking where I was. :(

Instead, on Saturday, October 4th, I put out our Halloween decorations and we took Logan to pick out a pumpkin :-) We ended up with three: one for Joe, one for me, and a tiny one for the litte guy!

On Sunday, October 5th we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart and finally bought a kitchen table!

For last week, I met Brooke (who I used to work with at the radio station and hadn't seen in over two years) for lunch at Perkins! In my post, Returning To Normal (Is That A Good Thing?) I mentioned that she is pregnant and due in April, so we had a great time talking about pregnancy and motherhood. From there I went back to the station with her to see their new studios and my other former co-workers. They were all shocked that I had a baby almost six months old. Somedays I can't believe it, either!

Not much else to report last week except that we decided it was time for Logan to stop sleeping in his carseat. As I mentioned earlier, that's always where he's fallen asleep--naps and for the night (until I put him in his crib once he's already sleeping). It's made life easier for all of us, because we've never had to go to any work at getting him to fall asleep (and if we want to sleep with no interruptions during the night, guaranteed, then all we have to do is leave him in there) but in the long run I know that will make bedtime harder. Experts recommend putting babies in their crib when they're drowsy so that they learn how to go to sleep on their own.

So, last Thursday I put the carseat out of sight and it was the first time that Logan took all of his naps and slept from beginning to end in the crib. It went better than I thought, but we haven't gotten to the point where we can just put him in there and say goodnight. What I mean is, I have to nurse him and play a music box until he starts to drift off in my arms--then I place him in his crib but he always starts crying, so I repeat this a couple more times before he cries for just a few seconds, then rolls to his side and abruptly stops--sound asleep.

For these past four days it's taken 20 minutes to get him to sleep (when it used to take 1-2 minutes putting him in his carseat). Hopefully he'll realize he doesn't HAVE to flip over every time he's laying down (he still has a tendency to sleep with his face DOWN), and maybe his body is used to the new food so it won't treat him like he's had a bunch of caffeine--and then he'll stay asleep!

He still doesn't take the naps that he used to before five months old. . .but I think that has more to do with his age now. He's down to one, two-hour nap now from 10 to noon. Then, he might take a half-an-hour nap during the 4:00 hour but otherwise is awake the rest of the day until 10 PM to 6, 7, or 8 AM.

My hope is that once he gets used to knowing he's always falling asleep in his crib (which seems to already be happening) then I won't have to always nurse him to get him there. But, I haven't worked my butt off at breastfeeding to now suddenly take it away from him!

Since he prefers nursing to go to sleep, Joe's had a harder time getting him to sleep in his crib than I have. For instance, I was going to go scrapbooking with the girls on Friday (October 10th--my mom's birthday!) but Joe had a busy week at work and thought he might have to work late on Friday. Needless to say, he was exhausted, and since all of the new transitions last week with Logan were changing our schedule around so that it was extra work for ALL THREE OF US that night, I decided to pass.

On Saturday, though, we had Matt & Stacy over for Logan's third playdate with Jaxson! We ordered pizza and were, once again, amazed at how alike Logan & Jaxson are. Babies must be pretty simple creatures because these two do the same "unique" things, make the same sounds, etc. Towards the end they were taking turns crying which was funny. They were both tired and so one would get fussy which would cause the other to smile, then they would stop and switch! I don't think they ever cried at the same time. Logan was the most interested in Jaxson that he's ever been--he seemed fascinated at times!

They definitely like each other, so hopefully they always will! (By the way, until now they've always been the same size but Jaxson is now taller & weighs more than Logan.)

For this week, my mom is coming over tomorrow (Tuesday, October 14) to Thursday (October 16) for the last time before the weather gets bad. I'm hoping to get some shopping in--mainly clothes for Logan & me since last year I wore maternity clothes so I have no fall/winter stuff to wear, and until now Joe & I haven't had to buy any for Logan because we'd received enough as gifts (but most were summer outfits).

Hopefully I won't become a hermit this winter, since the thought of bundling Logan up and going outside seems hard. I can see myself taking the easy way out and just not ever leaving the house. So, I'm trying to take him around with me as much as possible now (because even though I've never had a bad experience taking Logan out in public, I tend to wait to do any shopping until Joe gets home from work so that he can watch him). But, I want to feel comfortable this winter--especially with Christmas shopping--so I'm going to practice the rest of this month. :p

The last time I took him out (last week), he had his first blowout diaper in a long time (fortunately there were barely any during month five) so I had to change him on the floor of a restroom (because there was no changing table)--but rather than scream & cry, Logan just laughed at me!

Fortunately, I think he's about at the age where I can start going grocery shopping with him--until now I haven't been able to because I have to keep him in the carseat which takes up the whole cart. But now that he can sit up on his own I might give the little seat in front a try. . .wish me luck!

Wow, I have finally covered the past month. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write more frequently in the future so that I can make sure not to forget the little things that Logan does these days--like, I don't think I've ever mentioned that for the past couple of months when he yawns he always makes a loud sigh which is entertaining. And, when we feed him a bottle he always strokes our arms. Also, for the past month or two he has clearly known his name. This is stuff I might someday forget, so I want to jot it down now!

Preparing For Brachial Cleft Surgery

This was originally written on Monday, July 7, 2008:

Joe and I just got home from our non-appointment with the ENT. Just like the plastic surgeon last week, this appointment had to be rescheduled because the guy needed to be in surgery for the rest of the day. Only this time we actually went to the office and waited a half-an-hour, so that was too bad (especially since Joe took off work). But, at least we don't have to sit and wonder anymore what the surgery is going to be like.

After I posted last week (to read my blogs about this subject click here), I remained in good spirits until Wednesday night. I'd done well with my baby's brachial cleft situation for a week (after having a horrible week the first week), but that all went out the window before bed Wednesday night, as I admit I was not fun to be around. On Thursday morning I was SO nervous--I can't even remember the last time I had "butterflies in my stomach" that bad. It just seemed like the appointment was so important: the questions I asked, the answers the surgeon gave, etc. It didn't matter anymore what the internet said--the "real thing" was now. We were going to find out Logan's fate.

So, I'm not proud to say that I was snapping at Joe on his birthday Thursday morning and was on the verge of tears. (I purposely didn't wear mascara that morning because I assumed there would be smudges.) I tried to joke that wasn't a good sign if I cried before we even got there. But I calmed down on the drive when we were listening to an 80's radio station and in that mix they threw in a song from 2001--the song that ended up being Joe & my song that we danced to at our wedding reception in 2003. ("Hero" by Enrique Iglesias.) I realized why it's easy during times like this for couples to pull a part--but this is a time we need to team together more than ever. So I shut up and we held hands the rest of the way to the surgeon's office.

Once we arrived, I thought maybe we walked into a modeling agency on accident, haha. The place was swimming with extra-beautiful people. It was rather humorous. I checked in the front desk and we were ushered downstairs to where the normal-looking people were, lol! (The upstairs is where they do the aesthetic surgeries and downstairs is medical procedures.)

We didn't have to wait long; the plastic surgeon came in during the middle of his surgeries (so he was still in his scrubs) to answer our questions. I was amazed that I made it through the entire appointment without tears. He was just so casual and confident that it seemed like we were making Logan's first dentist appt. rather than talking about surgery.

He explained that he was very familiar with brachial cleft sinus (yet another version of the name--you might have noticed in my "More On Brachial Cleft Fistula" post that when I was copying the medical information the first word was spelled with an N. When my mom spoke to her ENT about it, he referred to the hole as a "brachial cleft fistula"--which is what Joe & I have been calling it. But our pediatrician refers to it as a "brachial cleft cyst", however that's only once infection has occured--right now there is no growth for Logan).

During the surgeon's twenty-plus years of practice, he's done this surgery rougly once a month (which sounded good to me, considering the condition is rare). It's something that is best done when a child is 3-4 months old. After that, infection is likely (and worst case scenerio can lead to death; best case scenerio the surgery is much more complicated and risky than doing it prior to infection). Apparently once a baby gets to be 3-4 months old surgery/anesthesia affects them the same as it does adults, which is a relief.

So, he'd like to do Logan's procedure in August. They will have to stick a probe in the hole to see how far it goes in and that will determine the seriousness of the surgery. (They have to cut into the tract to fuse the area together.) But generally babies don't need to even spend the night in the hospital--they can go home after a few hours from when they arrived! Best of all, he shouldn't need anything more than a Tylenol afterwards (if even that) for recovery. Babies usually act no different following this surgery and can resume their normal life (with the exception of not taking a bath for a few days). The scar will be so small that by the time he's an adult it won't even be noticeable.

This was all MUCH better than we originally thought and so we walked out of the office very relieved. They sent a letter to our insurance to make sure that it will be covered, and expect to hear back within 4-6 weeks. At that time they'll want to immediately schedule the surgery. If the ENT says the same things we'll probably have the plastic surgeon do it--unless we like the ENT better. Either way, it will be done at Children's Hospital (where Logan stayed the night during his jaundice) which is the best place possible. If the two doctors contradict each other then. . .I guess we'll have to find someone else. Our appointment with the ENT is now tomorrow (Tuesday, July 8th) at 2:45 pm.

I loved our experience with Children's Hospital a couple of months ago, except for one of the guards there. Joe had parked outside the entrance and we went in to give the front desk our information. An old man came over to us and told us (very rudely) that we needed to move our car immediately--that place was only for pick-up and drop-off. Joe was like, "We're dropping our baby off." The guy was like, "Your wife can wait here while you move your car!"

I GLARED at the guard. That was probably the most emotional week of my life, you'd think he'd know that parents coming in with a baby would probably be in a vulnerable state and thus could have treated us nicer. At least all of the people there who counted did.

Shortly after we returned home from our appt. last Thursday, Joe's mom arrived to celebrate his birthday. She had stopped to pick up Moe's (Southwest food) and so we ate that for lunch and then I picked up Joe's DQ cake and we had that for dessert.

In the meantime he opened presents (I ended up getting him Guitar Hero Aerosmith). Joe's mom had gotten him another WII game (Super Mario Galaxy) and so he played that & G.H. Aerosmith while she took a nap.

That evening we all took Logan and the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood where everyone was shooting off firecrackers. (Cosmo was a scaredy cat so I had to hold him half the time.) We decided not to go see fireworks since Logan's so young. We ordered pizza & wings, and Sandi & I watched August Rush (a movie she had bought for Joe & me when we came home from the hospital after Logan was born), while Joe played more WII. We had watched the first twenty minutes of August Rush when she stayed with us the first time after Logan was born, but (no surprise) we'd been interrupted. She hadn't known anything about the movie when she bought it, but she couldn't have picked a more perfect film for me just having a baby boy--it was really good!

On Friday, July 4th, Sandi made pancakes in the morning and helped us around the house both with dishes (very nice!) and with Logan, as she babysat him while Joe & I went to the movie theater for the first time by ourselves since I can't remember. We saw Get Smart which was funny. It was nice to get a break for a date. That is the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom. No breaks! It's 24/7 running around, focusing on the baby--and when I'm sleeping I still have to be "ready" to run around. The closest I get to time away (and unfortunately even being on the computer or watching a movie or reading isn't good enough since I'm still getting up & down to take care of him in the middle) is when I go to the grocery store. . .but I wouldn't consider that relaxing! I think I'm going to make an appt. for a massage--that sounds REALLY NICE. Plus, it appears I might be making myself sick.

Off and on for the past 2-3 weeks I have felt light-headed. Then, last Monday evening it came on super strong and stayed for over 24 hrs! I was so scared that I was going to pass out (which I've never done before). I'd never felt this particular way in my life and it was really scary. The room kept spinning and I thought I'm going to faint and then I won't be able to tend to Logan! I about called Joe to either come home or call me every hour to check on me. Every Tuesday he golfs after work and I was really thinking he was going to come home and find me on the floor. I planned to go to my doctor on Wednesday to get my iron levels checked (I've never been anemic but know some breastfeeding moms are)--but I felt better that day, just really tired. So then I thought maybe I needed more sleep, so I slept 10.5 hrs. (I'm pretty sure it's not dehydration which can happen easily to breastfeeding mothers--so you're supposed to drink a ton and consume extra calories, but I've been eating too much these past 2-3 weeks--I think that might be my coping-mechanism with Logan's brachial cleft.)

I was fine on Thursday-Saturday but then last night I felt dizzy again. I feel healthy as far as any virus' so I think that no breaks for the past 11 weeks is what's catching up with me.

Sandi left on Saturday after we all went to Mount Vernon Gardens (a really pretty park that overlooks the Missouri River, where Joe and Logan are going to have their baptism and dedication either this weekend or next weekend) and had a Blimpies picnic.

Joe and I then bought ourselves an eliptical machine! :) I'd written in one of my pregnancy posts that was something we were looking into, so we are happy with the selection and price. We get to pick it up on Thursday. I'm so excited, I still have the desire to "move-move-move" that was in me during my pregnancy but had been unable to.

On Sunday my mom & stepdad came over on their way home from visiting my maternal grandmother in Kansas City. We all had a nice visit; they thought Logan was acting more mature than when they last saw him. He's finally starting to hold eye contact, although sometimes he blinks a lot while looking directly at something; my stepdad said he's shy, haha.

I ended the weekend watching Juno and then crashed in bed. As much as it helps to have company over to help out (I realized how lucky people are who live near their relatives--as I can't imagine how much easier life would be if I had the grandmothers to watch Logan whenever I needed a break), it's also very exhausting. I wish I knew how to let everyone else take over with Logan when I'm around. Since obviously everybody has a different way of doing things, I don't know how to just be okay when others do things differently with him. When it comes to other people and their own children, I could care less if it's different from me--I think everyone has to do what works for them. When it comes to me or anyone but Logan, I also don't have strong opinions or am easily bothered if someone wants to change up our pattern. I'm not one for conflict and usually go with "whatever." But with Logan that is NOT the case. With him I feel I must follow what I read and hear if it makes sense and fits for me. But when other people do it their way with him, it's harder for me to not "correct" them---and so then I feel like a b***h. I'm trying to pick my battles, but with both Joe's mom and my mom, I can tell they're both getting defensive because they probably think I'm putting them down even though that's not my intent. I don't conider myself a neurotic, tense, or picky mom--but sometimes that's how I feel around them. SIGH. I welcome any suggestions on how to deal with other people taking care of your kids because it would be nice to get the full benefit of having help!

In other news, Logan's eyebrows are in now. We can't tell yet whose they are, though.

I don't think I ever told you about how when Logan was six weeks old I left him for a minute and he screamed, so I ran back to him and he started laughing. I said, "Oh you think that was funny, getting mommy all worried?" And he smiled & laughed again. He's a squirt. :)

I think now is the time when people stop referring to babies in weeks but change to months, as he is 11 weeks old now but still has two more weeks before he turns 3 months old, so from now on I'll be referring to him by months rather than weeks. His three-month birthday (7/18) happens to be on a Friday (the day he was born) so I made his first professional picture at Target for that day!

I think that Logan might be getting ready to teethe, but I hope I'm wrong (since he's rough enough already when nursing). I read that, on average, it happens around 6 months of age so he'd be really early if he's showing signs already. . .but on Saturday he was fussy all day (which is not normal for him). You might remember me saying that he's cut down on his pacifier usage for his hand--well, that day he wouldn't stop sucking on his hand and tried to put anything within reach in his mouth. He was also drooling, which he never has before, and wanted to nurse ALL DAY. But while that would comfort him at first, he'd then get cranky on the breast which he never has before. So, I got a bottle of breastmilk out of the fridge and rubbed the cold nipple on his gums and he stopped crying. That's when I wondered. . .and so I looked up online and saw that all of the things I just mentioned are signs.

However, then Logan slept a lot that night so I wondered if he just got overstimulated over the 4th of July weekend. As I said in my last post, he has started fighting his naps so that may be why my usual three things didn't work that normally stop his cries (#1-feeding, #2-holding, #3-rotating him from the car seat to the swing to the pack n play to the play gym to his crib). He's been better since then, except still drooling and sucking a lot on his hand.

At work the other day one of Joe's co-workers asked if Logan sleeps through the night. Joe answered, "He usually gets up two times." Apparently the guy didn't like this answer. He said, "Oh that's not good! He should be sleeping through the night now! Do you leave a light on?" Joe said, "Yes." The guy was like, "Oh there's your problem!"

Now I've only been a parent 2.5 months but it seems to me that babies don't HAVE to do anything. Yes, there's an "average" but not necessarily a "right" or "wrong." From everything I've read, "on average," it takes babies 4 months to sleep 8 hrs straight through! (But, because of that Baby Wise book I mentioned in my last post, many parents are "training" their babies to do it as early as six weeks, which is why my PA gave us the go-ahead at Logan's two month check-up.) But Logan is 2.5 months old and sometimes just gets up once, so it appears that soon he will be sleeping through the night. As I said in my last post, his current schedule is not bothering us which is why I haven't read that book. That's not to say I won't in the future if he's still not sleeping thru the night at 6 months, but I don't get why this guy was so passionate about telling us that the way we're doing it is wrong. It made me think we'll be getting more of these kinds of comments to come. I purposely don't pay attention to when a baby is "supposed" to do "this & that" because I don't think it's a competition. But sadly other people must.

We did shut the closet door to dim the light that we leave on just to see if it makes a difference--but it hasn't. I don't mind letting Logan cry for up to 5 minutes now (before I'd always rush to him immediately--even when I was going to the bathroom :p) but he's never cried for more than that. According to The Mother Magazine, "there is a dramatic fluctuation in blood flow during extended crying which decreases cerebral oxygenation and causes an increase in cerebral blood volume. This increases intracranial pressure and puts the baby at risk for an intracranial haemorrhage. At the same time, the blood, by now oxygen-depleted, flows into the systemic circulation, rather than into the lungs."

Yikes. I admit I spent my pregnancy doing a lot of research about pregnancy but nothing about parenting. I guess now's the time to start figuring it all out! So, ater my last post when I mentioned learning about the CIO (cry it out) method, I did some research and decided I support what is called "attachment parenting." (This is the opposite.) You can read about what these mean by clicking on the following two links: The Potential Dangers of Letting Your Baby Cry and Attachment Parenting At Storknet.

Finally, for those who followed my pregnancy--remember how the top of my belly became numb during my second trimester and my doctor explained that it was the uterus pressing on the nerves? Well that area is still numb! I only notice it when something touches it, then I think, that feels weird. I wonder if the nerve still hasn't recovered from my pregnancy. My wrist isn't improving at all so I've decided I'm going to go to the doctor sometime within the next few weeks.

Also, I pumped 11.5 oz recently so (thanks to pumping AND nursing all day long, as well as taking fenugreek which I'll continue to do) my milk supply is definitely not low anymore so I'm going to go back to just nursing exclusively again--yeay!

I'll let you know how tomorrow's appointment goes.