Returning To "Normal" (Is that a good thing?)

This was written on Thursday, August 28, 2008:

This is a big week for Logan! Sunday was when he started standing on his own (next to our table -- I posted a pic in my last post) and tonight he held himself in a sitting position for quite awhile, check it out! :-)

4 months 10 days--Good job, Logan!
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This was originally written on Wednesday, September 3, 2008:

Today last year was Labor Day--the day I found out I was pregnant :-)

This year my news is that Logan rolled all of the way over for the first time on Sunday, August 31st! Since then he's been a rolling machine. Every time I put him down he immediately rolls over and acts very proud of himself. :-) The humorous part is that now he refuses to stay on his back! Unfortunately, he's forgotten how to roll from tummy to back (something he did a few times at a month old, but only one time since), so once he gets on his stomach he gets frustrated. He appears to think the point of being on his tummy is to crawl, because he keeps trying, but his arms aren't strong enough yet.

What a big week: standing, sitting, and rolling over all within 7 days! Joe was four months-twenty-seven days when he went from back to font; Logan was four months-thirteen days! (I didn't do it until eight months old because I was over two months premature.)

I have a feeling Logan will be crawling next. His legs are strong enough, and he definitely has the desire (he gives himself quite the workout by trying and trying--it always looks like he's swimming), he just doesn't know how to work his arms with his legs yet.

I never realized prior to having a baby that he would have an instinct to do all of these things on his own. I'd thought I was supposed to teach him everything, but he's been the one to show me rather than me show him. There must still be a nature's schedule going on, just like when he was in the womb. It's so fun to watch!

Since my last post, we decided not to keep our original plan of going five hours away for Labor Day weekend. For the past twenty-one years my stepdad's family has had a get-together for my cousins' birthdays, but Joe & I had to miss last year's because it was the weekend we moved into our new house. Hopefully we'll be able to attend next year because I always love spending time with them.

Also hopefully this weekend goes well with Logan (Joe's in a wedding--his best man is getting married in Iowa), since it'll only be his second time for traveling (the first was at 7 weeks old). I am amazed at how many people I know have already flown on a plane with their babies at this age. I am still not relaxed about just taking road trips! (Experts recommend not flying before three months old, here are two articles from BabyCenter and Surf Net Parents.)

My mom is going to come help out next week for a couple of days so that should give me a little break. My mood has still been down, so I'm going to see if my doctor will prescribe me progesterone at my annual exam this Friday.

I've been learning more about hormones prior, during, and after pregnancy. During pregnancy, progesterone is the highest it will ever be. Afterwards there is a major drop--which is why many women get post partum depression. Taking anti depressants will just mask the problem and often end up making hormones even more out of whack, but still most doctors prescribe them rather than trying to get hormones balanced first. (Let me note that I am not Tom Cruise and therefore I feel anti depressants ARE the right option for some people, I just don't feel I'm one of them.)

This makes sense to me because it fits exactly what I said on my own in my last post! Since I was put on progesterone early in my pregnancy because I tested low means that it is most likely low again. When progesterone is low, depression is the most common side effect, as well as:

Infertility
Thyroid dysfunction
Fibrocystic breasts
Weight gain
Gallbladder disease
Low Blood Sugar
Panic attacks
Water retention
Irregular menstrual cycle
Blood clots during menstruation
Magnesium deficiency
Vaginal dryness
Breast tenderness

At different "times of the month," progesterone levels change within our bodies. That explains why for years I've described the week before my period as having a black cloud over my head--but then as quickly as it comes on, it goes away, so that's why I never thought it was a big deal. I've never gone on anti-depressants because I just assumed "that was me." But not feeling like that the past year made me realize what my life would be like without it--and I liked that feeling A LOT better! I've never thought of myself as unstable or moody, but compared to the past year, I notice a difference now. I'm actually glad it seemed to happen overnight a couple of weeks ago, because if it had been gradual I might not have recognized the change, and then I'd naively deal with this until menopause. But I felt the drop inside of me, so now hopefully something can be done about it.

I actually tried over-the-counter progesterone cream back in 2004 for cramps (and irregular cycles), but it was very brief because I didn't notice an improvement. However now I've learned that for someone like me I'm going to need the hardcore prescription kind, like what I went on during my first trimester.

Maybe it will help my cramp-problem this time (that's an entirely different topic which I'll blog about some other time--but I can sum it up by saying that my contractions during labor were just as severe as menstrual pain that I've had. In fact, even though my contractions started in the last phase (there was no gradual build up or breaks between them like most women have), I remember thinking, "This is what it feels like to go into labor?! But I've done this before!!!!" Over the years there were days I'd cried in bed, sweat pouring down my forehead, the pain so severe I was dizzy, etc. Nothing helped my pain subside).

I had surgery in August of 2005 to check to see if something was wrong with me, like endometriosis. But my doctor said I looked healthier inside than what they're taught as doctors that we should all look like! I was actually disappointed that she didn't find anything because that meant there was no cure for my pain! She suggested I try different birth control methods--but I'd had major side effects with the pill (I was on it from Feb. '03-Feb. '04) so I recoiled from the idea of trying the other stuff out there since the regular birth control pill has the least amount of side effects! I'd just be trading one problem for another. (Birth control raises estrogen, which lowers progesterone, so I was the most "down" the year I was on the pill, it also caused me to get regular migraines for the first and only time in my life, lowered my immune system so I had one virus after another. . .among other things.)

I tried eliminating certain food from my diet (like wheat, dairy, sugar, caffeine, and fried foods), and even going through detox for copper toxicity (because I tested high for levels of copper in my system, common in women who have been on the birth control pill)--but neither helped. The only way I got through the last two years was because I had saved hydrocodone from my surgery--so that became my savior. I was careful with it so as not to become addicted; I didn't want to ever have to get a prescription, so I just took one each month on my worst day. I can't even describe the difference when it would kick in. I could actually function--happily! But, I took my last pill with my last period before I got pregnant, so I've dreaded getting it again without painkillers.

Could it be as simple as my hormones causing me to actually have contractions each month???

I still haven't started my period--but, like I said last week, I can tell it's soon. (It's like having my one bad week from my past, only for three weeks so far this time--ick! At least it's not affecting my time with Logan, I'm still able to enjoy him and feel happy whenever I look at him.) Joe thinks the shift in my hormones might also have caused the recent change in my milk supply (which you can read about on my "Okay. . .I'm Ready For My First Break "post). And, unfortunately, last night the moment I knew would happen, happened: it dropped again. I nursed Logan for TWO HOURS and it still didn't satisfy him. I know I wasn't "supposed" to give him formula, but I finally did for the first time since he was three weeks old (because I don't have anymore breastmilk stored). I've increased my fenugreek intake to maximum and am back to pumping, so I'll be fine for awhile longer. . .but I told Joe last night that I don't even know if I want to try to continue anymore. I was ready to throw in the towel when Logan was three weeks old--it was bad enough nursing for two straight hours back then, but four months later?! For a long time I felt guilty, like I was being selfish, but now I'm wondering how anyone could be motivated at this point!

I considered contacting La Leche, but I've clearly nourished Logan well for four-and-a-half months, isn't that good enough? But then I think about the winter coming and how breastmilk might protect/prevent Logan from catching viruses, and also comfort him when he recovers from surgery. SIGH.

Well, we might not have a choice; I might be physically unable to soon. I will keep centering my life around breastfeeding for another month, but a miracle's gonna have to happen for me to continue any longer than October (six months).

A lot of people have been telling me that if I start feeding Logan solids it will help me keep up with him. Logan has taken an interest in our food now, so I understand why four months old is when doctors say babies can start eating cereal. (It is a development builder, too.) Although I had planned on waiting until he was six months old so as to be sure to avoid allergies, as well as the other reasons found in my post titled Four Months Old, we've decided to compromise and do it on his five month birthday.

Who knows, maybe going on progesterone will somehow help the breastfeeding. I also can tell my metabolism has slowed down over these past two weeks, which makes me feel lazy and bloated for the first time since having Logan. I guess the above list did say that low progesterone equals weight gain. (Even though after somehow losing 35 lbs two weeks post partum and my other 7 lbs that I'd gained while pregnant by two months, I currently weigh less than I did before I got pregnant.)

On another note, we were finally able to make it to Babies R Us on Saturday to use our 10% off coupon from when Logan was born (I had mentioned here that we would in July but we weren't able to then after all). So we finally bought the rest of the things on our registry, as well as his first Baby Einstein DVD and some sunglasses for him. They didn't have any boy ones left, so he has cherry glasses, hehe.

We rested up on Sunday and then Monday (Labor Day) we were invited over to Mike & Sara's because they were grilling out, so it was fun chatting with them, Darin & Lisa, Nick & Heather, and Shawn & Sarah. (The husbands that Joe used to work with.) Under my August archives link I wrote on a couple of posts that I have three friends who are pregnant & due in April. One of them is Heather (she is 10 weeks already), another is Melissa (my friend who lived in Omaha up until April, she is 9 weeks), and the other is Brooke, a girl I used to work with (she's now 8 weeks along). It was fun to talk pregnancy with Heather in person for the first time, since I was the very first person she told the end of July!

Not long after we returned home that night, I had one of the worst experiences ever.

Before I gave birth it was drilled into my mind never to put anything in a baby's crib. SIDS has been reduced by NINETY-FIVE PERCENT since experts started telling parents to put their babies on their back and eliminate bumper pads, blankets, and stuffed animals from their sleeping areas. I have always followed those rules to a T (for other tips, go to the SIDS Network site), except when Logan is playing in his crib or pack n play and I am in the same room--then I let him have a stuffed animal, and/or he also likes to hold on to a burp cloth or one of his two mini-blankets.

Well, after I had finished changing Logan's diaper, I set him in his pack n play. He was wide awake and energetic, so I let him have his Chicago Bears blankie (it has a little bear rattle on the end). I didn't expect him to be in his pack n play for long. Lately when he's in that type of mood he won't just "hang out"--he wants to be in his bouncer or play gym, etc. But, he wasn't complaining, so I left the room for a moment (Joe was outside watering the yard).

Suddenly I heard the worst scream of my life.

It was not a cry that I had EVER heard from him. I'm sure other mothers out there know how it is--you can predict what it is your baby wants based on the sound of their cry. It was much easier than I had thought to learn his cries fairly early on. Logan has always been very predictable--until that HORRIBLE, desperate, gurgling sound which came out of nowhere. I immediately took off running because I knew 100% that something was wrong. My first thought was that maybe the changing table on the pack n play had fallen on him. The cry said that something had hurt him.

As I reached his pack n play my heart jumped into my throat. His arms and legs were punching and kicking because his face was completely covered with the 15 x 15 inch blanket! My eyes became blurry as I threw off the blanet and scooped my baby up in my arms. His chest was going in and out rapidly and he was breathing like a person who had just run a race. I held him close and wanted to ball my eyes out, but instead I silently rocked him until he smiled and I knew he was over it.

But I'm not. Boy did I learn a lesson. I'm NEVER letting him play with a blanket again (unless I'm sitting right next to him, not going anywhere). You always hear people say you can't take your eyes off your kids, but that's easier said than done. Who sits and stares at their children every second of every day?!

I knew I didn't trust Logan to be on his stomach without me (he has a strong neck, but when he gets tired he will put his head face down--so I am worried about him in his crib at night now that he can roll over). He is also obviously too young to know how to escape from an item that is suffocating him.

I hate that this happened because I was already trying to be aware of danger zones to prevent--but obviously I missed this one, so it pains me to know I will probably miss another in the future. I just want to sob at the thought of Logan in any pain.

The worst part was knowing that Logan felt fear--that was what caused him to scream. Joe said it was a good thing, a survival mechanism, because he knew he was in danger--but I can't handle the thought of what could have happened had he NOT screamed! All it takes is a few seconds for a baby's air being cut off for our lives to be changed forever.

Ugh, I can't write anymore about it. . .it's still so upsetting. . .he means EVERYTHING to me!!!! If I lost him, you might as well consider Andrea lost forever because I'd never even be a shell of myself. I know what people mean when they say the worst loss is the loss of a child. I pray to God I never experience that.

It made Bella's experience today hardly seem worth any stress. Our fence gate was somehow open this afternoon, and so Bella escaped. I didn't even realize it until she'd been outside for ten minutes, which was longer than usual, so I called for her to come in. It wasn't like her to not come when called, and so I stepped out on the deck because I couldn't see her, and that's when I noticed the gate open. I knew then that she wasn't in our yard and could have already gone far in those ten minutes.

I put on my shoes and coat and ran out our front door, calling to her. An SUV was driving down the street and so my voice took on a more panic tone, as I prayed she wouldn't get hit by a car. Thankfully, I spotted her--she was only two houses down and she must have sensed my voice because she came running straight toward me, although she kept hunching down like she thought she was going to be in trouble. But I just didn't have the energy to yell at her like I normally would have, so that was that.

As for Cosmo, something is wrong with his leg(s). Every half an hour he starts crying and snuggles to me. Joe & I noticed that he keeps stretching his legs, so if he's still doing this tomorrow morning I'm taking him to the vet. We've been told since he was a puppy that at some point he may have knee problems, so I'm wondering if that's what's going on or if he just jumped wrong off the bed or something. Hopefully it's nothing serious. . .I'm fine with no more drama!

Okay. . I'm Ready For My First Break

This was originally written on Tuesday, August 26, 2008:

I had my massage! (I ended up having it today rather than last Friday) My only complaint is that the hour went too fast! But, an hour's better than nothing. I'm still hoping for my beach vacation (that Joe agreed to when I was in labor, haha) sometime in 2009. Having no real "time off" (that means at least 24 hrs) since Logan's been born is getting to me for the first time.

At least he is back to his easier, happier, sweet self. It took over 24 hours after Logan pooped and Joe returned home last week. I felt like Logan and I bonded a lot more with Joe gone (he slept in my room all four days in his carseat). He stared blankly at Joe for several hours after he got home from Branson--like he thought he looked familiar but couldn't place him. When Joe held him the first time he even screamed (whereas he's ALWAYS greeted him with a huge grin). I think that made Joe a little sad. Thankfully, by the next day Logan seemed to remember him--now he happily responds to Joe the way he always did before.

I think my "quiet" days are over, though. (Or at least until my kids are in school.) When Logan's awake he wants action-action-action! He finally has a consistant pattern/schedule to his days, though! He wakes up every morning at 7 or 8 am and takes a nap from 9 or 10 to 11 or noon, then another nap from 3-4 pm, and is awake until 8 pm. He's still sleeping 11-12 hrs straight through the night which is GREAT for me because I do best with my rest all at once, rather than split up. The trick for me now is to figure out how to get things done during the day and/or to find time just to myself. It used to be that I could do other things while he was awake, but now he requires my constant attention every minute of his "awake time." I'm learning how to be a morning person (which I've never been) because otherwise it gets to be 5 pm and Joe arrives home and I'm still in my pjs with my hair uncombed and spit-up all over me :p

Needless to say, pumping is impossible now (no time), so hopefully I won't have another drop in my milk supply. After my last post it did go up finally (yeay) so I've been exclusively nursing again and am at exactly Logan's amount--which means there are no more storage containers in our freezer for if he has another growth spurt, but as long as nursing continues to meet his exact demand, it will be okay.

I'm worried about what happens in two weeks, since that's how long I've gone in the past without pumping before I get a dry spell. (Although I've still always pumped at least one day a week so that I can go out in public and not have to worry about not-breastfeeding-friendly places.)

I am definitely WAY more knowledgeable about breastfeeding these days compared to when Logan was first born, so hopefully that will at least help me with my next baby. I have been researching the history of breastfeeding in America and feel my brain is full of everything a person could possibly learn about nursing. (You can click on this link to read my post titled The History Of Breastfeeding in America.)

For one, we always hear doctors say that once you get to 36 weeks gestation then the baby is fine to arrive. This is true when you're talking about developmentally--but what you don't hear is that for each week that a baby is born prior to 40 weeks, it's that much harder to nurse. I've discovered it is quite common for babies born at 37 weeks gestation (what Logan was) to have a slower time than a baby born at 40. (Logan was actually born on the first day of 37 weeks, so he'd actually just finished his 36th week, i.e. he was thirty-six weeks and one day.)

The biggest obstacle, though, of course, was the jaundice. The more severe the jaundice, the harder it is for any woman to breastfeed because the baby simply doesn't have the energy. Logan had a severe case (had to be hospitalized in an incubator) which meant that not only was his sucking lazy (even though he had a perfect latch right away and immediately knew what to do) so he wasn't getting enough milk (losing an entire pound in three days which made the jaundice worse) but he had to be fed formula for four days because he had "breastmilk jaundice" which meant the only way he was going to recover was to get him off of breastmilk briefly. But introducing him to the bottle so soon (at only a week old) taught him that bottles are easier and so that was preferable when he was tired.

Not enough sucking by Logan and no relieving my milk in other ways caused my milk supply to not come in enough--and so it wasn't until I started pumping when he was two weeks old that I could even help Logan out! (We had both ends going against us.) It took until week 7 before I was able to exclusively breastfeed (i.e. go 24 hrs without pumping/giving him breastmilk in a bottle). And that only happened after an exhausting 24/7 focus on teaching him to rely on my breast, not the bottle.

So, it was a HUGE success when Logan finally had the energy to nurse until he was full all of the time--and to prefer it to breastmilk in a bottle. Each day over the past 11 weeks has been easier than the one before, so most days I nurse all day--especially now that I barely have to do anything: he immediately knows what's coming when I take off my shirt, gets in position himself, I don't have to hold his head or my breast, or any of the things I used to have to do. I can put him in any position and even move around, which I never thought possible because he needed assistance for so long.

But, as I said in my previous post, every couple of weeks Logan doesn't take my breast, because he wants more milk. (I know that seems strange since he's in the 90th percentile with his weight, but he acts the same as a starving child--opening his mouth and searching desperately for a nipple, making sounds like "oh! oh! oh!" and then if we try and trick him with a pacifier or something, he just screams and screams and screams--huge tears pouring down his face, his face turning purple. . .nothing soothes him, it's awful!) So, at those times I go the freezer and give him a bottle, and then I pump all day to make sure my milk is flowing. Once it is, I go back to exclusively breastfeeding. But last week that didn't work. I pumped every other hour (and breastfed every other hour) for days and days and days before my milk matched his demand. It really took a toll on me.

The only good to come out of pumping the past four months was that I never had to be interrupted when out in public. But it's a double-edged sword. I had to do it to be able to breastfeed at all (and to continue after every couple of weeks). . .but now I'm wondering if my breasts are more dependent on the pump rather than Logan. (I've read so many times that it's prolactin in the baby's saliva that best increases milk, but the pump seems to do it better for me. Rather than work at getting my milk out, Logan refuses to nurse when my milk stops flowing an extra amount. I think that's still his habit from his newborn days.)

I know that when I have my next child it will be even harder to find the time to pump, so I am really going to try not to use it at all with baby #2. Of course I'd never planned on using it with baby #1 (which is why I didn't buy one until he was two weeks old) but if I carry my next baby to full-term and he/she doesn't have jaundice, then my original plan has a good chance of working. If, for some reason, the same things happen as with Logan, then I will only pump in the beginning for my milk production--but as soon as baby #2 is recovered from jaundice I will go cold turkey on the bottle! It seems that week 3 is easier than month 3 because Logan totally has expectations now to his amount of "meals." During his first three weeks of life he never indicated to me that he wasn't getting enough--we never would have known if not for the scale at the pediatrician's office.

I know the average time for women to breastfeed (including my mom w/ me) is six months, even though one to two years is actually what's recommended--but I can understand why most women stop! It's ironic I mentioned in my post titled "My Son's Brachial Cleft Fistula" that breastfeeding was easy now and I no longer doubted I could do it for a year (what has always been my goal). But since the middle of August I've been praying I can make it just two more months (to six months old)! If it seems like I can't, then I'll contact La Leche since they have support groups.

Breastfeeding is wonderful (I understand why moms say they miss it when it's over--there are no other moments I feel as close to Logan as I do when nursing. It's the most intimate experience you can have with your child; I haven't been able to find anything else that compares because it's the only way at this stage that you can cuddle and he can cuddle back! Plus, most of all, I know I'm giving him the best possible "health"--if it wasn't for that I would have given up by now)--but the women who have never had any setbacks or challenges are lucky! It becomes a love-hate relationship otherwise, which is very exhausting and depressing. If I worked outside the home there's no way I'd still be able to keep up. It's hard enough here. So that's why even though my milk supply is better now, and I'm back to nursing (but every two hours), my mood isn't any better than last week.

I'm also wondering if my hormones are returning to normal--as in, I might soon be getting my first period since having Logan. I feel like I have PMS for the first time in over a year. I actually forgot what it felt like to have a black cloud over my head like I always did one week every month since high school. I noticed during my pregnancy how I never had that, no matter how sick or uncomfortable I was, or even after my cousin's baby dying, the Omaha shooting, my trip to the ER, or my pre-term labor scare--or when I felt "blah" the day before I went into labor. I think my hormones were at a better level which is why I didn't have post partum depression even though I had post wedding depression for an entire year after I got married! I think breastfeeding might even have kept my hormones higher, but after awhile it's inevitable for them to drop back down. I can tell I'm there.

There is no set time for women to get their period back, especially if breastfeeding. Some women don't get it until they're completely done nursing (however long that may be), others have it at six months, others as soon as three months. (Non-breastfeeders have them again 1-2 months after the baby is born.)

The more hours a woman goes between nursing, the quicker the period returns. For example, since Logan sleeps 11-12 hrs every night (that means no eating) I am very likely to start my period any day now, whereas a mom who is not waiting longer than three hours between feedings will resume much later. This also means I am more likely to get pregnant! However, only two percent of women ovulate before that first period, so that's where the myth comes from of not being able to get pregnant while breastfeeding. For most, it's not until after you have that first period that you need to be careful. (Because, also, even if ovulation occurs breastfeeding often hinders implantation.) Still, since you never know when that first period will arrive you should be extra careful if you're not planning to have another baby yet! AskDrSears gives some good tips.

I've also read that your first period is likely to be heavy and painful. Since your body has not been ovulating for nine or more months, the first period is going to be hard on your body.

On to more pleasant things. . .! Logan stood up without us holding on to him for the first time on Sunday! Joe was playing with him in our living room and propped him up against our coffee table. . .and Logan stood firm so Joe let go and Logan lasted nearly a minute! He does it regularly now!After my last post when Joe & his sister returned from the Lake of the Ozarks, we ordered pizza and then they showed me an awesome slideshow that they and Joe's other sister made for their mom (they went on that trip to celebrate her 65th b-day which is September 11th).

Joe then took AnMarie to the airport early morning on Thursday and returned to work on Friday. For the weekend, my mom & stepdad brought my maternal grandmother to see our new house and to meet Logan. We had a great time. We went out to eat at Roja Mexican Grill on Saturday and Wheatfields on Sunday. Logan was on his best behavior both places--yeay.

I had never heard about my grandmother's labor experiences but it was really interesting--her first baby (my uncle) took over 24 hrs to come out because of her pelvis! This was back in the day when women were completely put out for their birthing experience (which is so strange to me) so she didn't remember any of it, but it was what the doctor told her later. I don't think that there is any doubt that the shape of your pelvis is genetic. (My cousin on her side had a c-section with both of her babies for this reason as well--and the first was posterior but not the second.) It was reassuring to me because my grandma's second baby (my mom) took 3 hrs, and her third (my aunt) took half that! My grandma is an example of how just because you have one baby that won't come out easily doesn't mean all will be the case.

Those of you who read My Birth Story might remember that it took my mom 4 hours from when she dilated to when she pushed me out. If Logan hadn't been face up, that's all my entire labor would have been, too (rather than 7.5). I'm starting to see a nice trend in my family!

I really don't have much else to report. . .Logan is growing into his name which is neat. Up until now he really didn't look like a Logan so I called him L.J. Joe used to call him Billy because of back when he kept getting his biliruben levels checked for jaundice, but that hasn't been so much lately. He can also pull my hair with his feet, LOL.

Joe rented a DVD for me so I'm going to see if I can escape into that now. It's about a woman going insane. :/

Needing To Build Up My Milk Supply Again

Originally, I wasn't going to re-post anymore blogs until January (so this post was wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, thus the comments below) so that I could instead use the time to "remodel" my blog, but it ended up only taking me 24 hrs--so I will now continue posting where I left off when my son was four months old. This was written on Saturday, August 16, 2008:

I'm depressed. In my last post I mentioned that my milk supply had gone down this past week, despite still taking fenugreek. So, I've been pumping all day, every day--only to have it get worse! If you've been following my blogs, then you know that this tends to happen every couple of weeks, but usually pumping all day (in addition to still putting Logan to the breast) has always gotten the flow up again, so that once I'd start pumping more than Logan drank, I could exclusively breastfeed again.

This time, however, it hasn't been enough. (I know this because he's been crying his "hungry cry" at both the breast and after he finishes the bottle.) It's no surprise to me because I'm pumping half as much as I did a month ago. Therefore, I am down to just six storage containers left in my freezer! I will cry if I use them all up. I still have leftover formula that we got free when he had jaundice, but I refuse to give it to him when I worked so hard those first seven weeks to be able to breastfeed 100% of the time. (To read about my earlier breastfeeding rollercoaster, click here.)

I had no idea we could have a relapse at four months old. I don't know if he's going through another growth spurt or what. But my breasts have definitely changed--they are no longer full and I get NO natural reminders now to feed. Up until recently if I was just a few minutes late they would hurt like crazy and start leaking. I don't even need to wear my bra pads anymore (I recommend the organic washable kind). Now I'm convinced I could go all day without pumping/nursing and hardly notice. It's like my breasts think I'm done--but I'm not! I'd still like to continue for another 8 months! Maybe I've gotten too busy and need to focus more on breastfeeding again.

I do feel that I've been more stressed lately, and my lactation consultant told me in the beginning that stress is the #1 reason for low milk supply (and I had that in the beginning, too, with Logan's jaundice). Recently I've been feeling run down. . .this summer has been jam-packed (there's been one weekend since Logan's been born that we didn't have plans). . .I definitely need a break. But, we have plans the next three weekends as well as stuff during the weeks. I guess something might have to be canceled or else it's just going to continue the cycle of me feeling stressed & tired which then makes Logan the same way. :-(

At this point all I can do is try again tomorrow. I also found some good tips on the web by Sally Wendkos Olds, author of THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING, which I will end with.

Ways to Build Up Your Milk Production

• Nurse your baby more frequently for several days, using both breasts at each feeding. This is the single best way to enhance your flow of milk.
• Wake your baby, if necessary, to feed him more often.
* Pump or express milk between feedings. But don’t get discouraged if your pumping yields as little as half an ounce of breast milk. Your baby is almost certainly getting more than this. Even the best pump is less effective than a vigorously nursing baby.
• See a lactation specialist if your baby is not suckling well or nurses only a few minutes at a time.
• Cut back on your schedule. Do less. Rest more. Nap at least once a day, more often if you can manage it. Ask someone else to help with marketing, cooking simple meals (or getting take-out food), and doing basic laundry. Most people like to help a new mother, so take advantage of this willingness now. You can always reciprocate later on.
* Even though everyone wants to see the new baby, ask visitors not to come for several days -- or even weeks -- unless they’re people who will wait on you, not expect you to entertain them. Let your answering machine take phone calls – which you can return later when you’re not so tired. Well-meaning family and friends can wear out the new mom.
• If you can, take an occasional day or two off from work or from other obligations (by, for example, having someone come in to care for your other children) so that you can focus only on nursing your baby.
• Check your diet. Are you eating enough? Are you eating the right foods? Are you drinking enough fluids? Some women find that eating or drinking more seems to produce more milk. Keeping a glass of water or juice near the spot where you nurse is a good idea. You don’t need to drink any more than you need to meet your thirst, but some nursing moms find that they are thirstier than usual.
• Make a special effort to relax. Of course, this is hard when you’re concerned that your baby isn’t getting enough milk—but the more you can relax, the more milk your baby is likely to receive.
• Develop a few affirmations that you can repeat to yourself, such as: “I am a bounteous supplier of milk for my baby”; “I am doing the best thing I can as a mother”; “My baby is growing fit and healthy from my milk”; “My milk is my baby’s perfect food.”
* Visualize your baby at a little older age, looking well fed and happy.
* Vitamin B complex, brewer’s yeast, and the herbs fenugreek (also called fenugeek) and blessed thistle are sometimes recommended, as is the controversial prescription drug domperidone, which has not been approved for any use by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.
• Believe in yourself and trust your body.

Note: Do not offer your baby formula while you’re building up your milk supply. A few ounces soon turn into a full bottle, which soon turns into several bottles, until you find that you’re producing even less milk. If your baby is drinking from a bottle, he is not stimulating your breasts and thus not doing the most effective thing that will increase your supply of milk.
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P.S. I also have a relaxation CD by Earth Mama, the same company that made one for my preparation for childbirth (it was a HUGE factor towards my positive HypnoBirthing experience--I think ALL pregnant women should get it, whether you strive for natural labor or not). I listened to the "more mama's milk" CD once, but I plan to take a bubble bath tomorrow night and listen to it again!