Omaha Shooting When I was 17.5 Weeks Pregnant

This was originally written on Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tomorrow marks a week since the terrible tragedy in Omaha, NE. Little did I know that after I last posted and then headed out for a day of Christmas shopping, I was about to have a terrifying close call.

At 12:30 pm on December 5th I finished my lunch, then drove to JCPenney and Gordmans for a discount since I'd bought some things there the day before but I'd forgotten to bring my coupons.

Afterward, since I'd been to all of the stores near my house over the past couple of weeks but still needed several Christmas gifts, there was only option in my mind: go to Westroads Mall. I had a gift card for Lady's Footlocker as well as for The Afternoon (both stores only located there) and so I didn't think twice about going to the biggest mall in Omaha, 22 minutes from where I was. I looked at the clock: 1:15 pm. That would make my arrival 1:37 pm, to my usual parking lot right outside Von Maur. No problem, I thought. That gives me a little over three hours of shopping before Joe gets home.

It was a beautiful crisp winter day and I was feeling excellent as I sang along to the Christmas music on the radio.

Suddenly, I noticed Kohls. I frowned, wondering if I should stop there first, since I had only been there very quickly the week before.

Maybe I should take a slower look today.

I was hesitant, as I really wanted to be done at Westroads by the time it got dark at 5. Would I still have enough time if I stopped at Kohls?

Oh, I might as well, that way I'll know I've looked everywhere.

To my dismay, I didn't find anything for anyone! What a waste of time, I thought.

At 1:50 pm I got into my car and continued my drive to the mall. Within minutes news broke in on the radio: a shooting had occured at 1:40 pm. At first I assumed it was a gang-related or drive-by shooting in the "bad" part of Omaha. Had one person been injured or died? My heart went out to the family of the victim. But then the radio hosts started warning people not to go near Westroads mall.

What?!

I slowed my car down. Was the gang-related or drive-by shooting in an ally or parking lot near the mall? That's when I heard the rest: a guy had walked into Von Maur and started shooting everyone at random.

My mouth dropped open, a chill ran down my spine, and my breathing came to an abrupt stop. I immeditately pulled my car over as tears rushed to my eyes. No! This couldn't be real! How could something like this be happening right now in "safe" Omaha, Nebraska?! I sat glued to the radio in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do.

I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones or what--but a powerful irrational fear came over me and I began shaking, feeling as if no matter where I went I was going to be shot. Being in public was not safe. At that time there weren't many details, so nobody knew if the shooter had escaped or how many there were. What if several psychos were all over Omaha shooting innocent people?

I turned my car around and started heading in the opposite direction, finally pulling into our local Christian bookstore's parking lot and calling Joe. Since it was only 2:10 pm, he hadn't heard the news yet. He immediately went to CNN's website and saw that it was their top story on their front page. A co-worker near him took notice of his computer screen and spread the word to the rest of their work area.

I told Joe that I had completely lost my motivation for shopping, and he suggested I go home. We hung up and then I called my mom. She hadn't heard the news yet, either, and we talked for about 15 minutes. Then I went into the Christian bookstore but didn't find anything (I couldn't concentrate) and my stepdad called so I went back to my car. He said that my grandma (his mom) had seen the news (it was already on all of the national networks) and was worried about me. She'd called my home phone but had gotten the answering machine. So I called her and let her know that I was okay, followed by my dad. I arrived home around 3:30 pm and turned on Headline News which I watched for the next couple of hours, as Joe didn't get home until about 6:30 or 7 that night.

Hearing about the people being shot, or those actually in the store during the horrific experience, made me sooooo depressed and I thought I was going to throw up.

Joe was like, "Let's turn off the TV, this isn't good for the baby. How about we make Christmas cookies?"

Isn't he sweet? :-) So that's what we did the rest of the evening, and I did start to feel better. . .but on Thursday I watched more of the coverage on all of our local stations as well as CNN, Headline News, and Fox--and realized I was still unable to handle it.

Like I said before, I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones combined with the fact that the "what ifs" were so real to me (knowing I could have been walking into Von Maur at the exact time of the shooting. . .what if I'd been walking in with the shooter and he'd decided to turn to me first?!)--but this just seemed a bigger deal to me than it normally would have been. I mean, no matter what, this would have been extremely sad and scary, but if I had just been spending the day at home or if it had occured somewhere that I never went, I don't think I would have been quite so personally affected. Instead, I kept feeling enormous panic inside me every time I thought about it.

By then we knew the details: the nineteen-year-old gunman had shot himself and was dead, but unfortunately killed eight others and wounded five. He had been in the foster care system and had a history of mental illness. After being fired from his job at McDonalds and breaking up with his girlfriend, he decided to end his life--but wanted to "go out in style."

I know that it had nothing to do with the mall, but I haven't been able to go shopping since. Just realizing how vulnerable we are when we go out in public, knowing that we are at anyone's disposal--who knows if the person next to us anywhere could snap. I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just go (I still have about 35% of my Christmas shopping left), I can't live my life in fear, but the weather has made it difficult as well, as we had a snow storm last Thursday and then again last night. Schools around our area were all closed.

Maybe tomorrow.

I'm sure each day I'll move on a little more from this experience. The families of the victims have been SO strong and inspiring, I've been telling myself that if they can be so healthy than so can I!!!! But it will definitely be a day that I never forget. I'm sure my baby will hear about it someday; I'll always remember I was 17.5 weeks pregnant at the time.

I am very thankful that I was spared last Wednesday. As awful as it is that eight people lost their lives, I think that a hundred might have been saved. I have since heard of others who either had just left the store or were also on their way there. My friend Melissa read me her daily devotional from that morning, as it eerily matched the events of that day in Omaha. It was about how there are no such things as coincidences, and that you may think a last minute decision is just that--but in fact is your angels protecting you from harm.

Obviously my decision to go to Kohls wasn't a waste of time.